


Basement Royalty

by seriouslysamson



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alcohol, Anxiety, Bullying, Coming Out, Developing Relationship, Drunkenness, Hangover, High School AU, M/M, Minor Violence, Social Anxiety, Teenager AU, implied Dan/Gavin - Freeform, other tags will be added, there are a bunch of others mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-29
Updated: 2014-11-04
Packaged: 2018-02-15 07:18:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 46,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2220363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seriouslysamson/pseuds/seriouslysamson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Austin, Texas. A world away from New York City, the only place Ray has ever really known. Now he's trying to find his place at a new high school, and the school work is proving much less of an issue than the people there are.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to try a high school au for a long time, and after several failed attempts, here's my first success. I have a little bit written in advance, and I'm going to try to update every Friday, and maybe Tuesdays too if it goes well. The story is named after a song by Broadway Calls. Hope you enjoy it!

Ray stood helplessly in the hallway as the first bell rang for class and students swarmed around him, the crowds separating to pass him. He had been given a map of the school to find his way around, but it was proving useless so far. No one stopped to help. He wished that the freshmen had started the same day; at least there would be other people hopelessly lost with him then. But they started the next day, and for now he was on his own. He stared at the map a little longer and walked down the corridor to his left. As he passed through a set of double doors, he saw another kid walking the other way.

“Uh, excuse me?” He said. “Could you tell me where room 12 is please?”

“Sure.” She replied. “Go through those double doors-” She pointed at the doors he had just passed through “Take a left, and it’s on the left side of the hall.”

“Thank you so much.” He took off running the way she had told him to go and found the classroom. He knocked on the door before slowly opening it. The teacher and students looked up as he walked in.

“You’re late.” The teacher said, giving a firm stare.

“I’m really sorry. I just started here, I got lost.”

“Oh. Well, don’t worry about it. Just try to remember where we are next time.” She smiled at him. “You should probably introduce yourself to the class.” Ray groaned internally, but nodded and walked to the front of the classroom.

“Hi, my name’s Ray Narvaez. I just moved to Texas from New York.” Someone snickered at the back of the class, and Ray walked to the only empty seat, next to a boy with curly reddish hair poking out from under a beanie.

“Alright.” The teacher took over again. “Well, welcome to the class, Ray. Now, we’ve got a lot of work to do, so let’s get going. You should all have a notebook and pen, and a copy of your summer required reading, so get those out, please.” Ray obediently opened his backpack, which he’d dumped on the floor, and pulled out his notebook and a copy of To Kill A Mockingbird. The boy next to him cursed under his breath as he pulled out his book.

“Hey, man.” He whispered. “Ray, was it?” Ray started as he heard his name.

“Me?”

“Who else, dipshit?”

“Uh, sorry. What’s up?”

“Could I borrow some paper? I forgot my notebook.”

“Oh. Sure.” He pulled a few pages from his brand new notebook, leaving ragged edges against the pristine pages, and handed them to the red-haired boy.

“Thanks. I’m Michael, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you.” Michael didn’t reply, so Ray just listened to the teacher, taking notes every so often. He didn’t raise his hand for anything. He figured he could get away with it for at least a week, if not more. No one expected the new kid to talk straight away, after all.

As soon as the bell rang for the end of the lesson, Michael spoke to him again.

“Hey, what class do you have next?” He asked.

“Uh…” Ray consulted his timetable. “Physics.”

“Oh, shit. I have health, that’s like the other side of the fucking world.” He screwed his face up for a moment. “Ah, screw it. What lab are you in?”

“Five.”

“Okay, I’ll take you there.”

“Won’t you get in trouble for being late?”

“I’ll just tell my health teacher I was showing the new kid around. He’s a pushover anyway.”

“Alright. Thanks, by the way.”

“No problem.” They left the classroom and Michael led him around the corner and up the stairs. “So you moved here from New York, yeah?”

“Yeah. New York City.”

“Why?”

“Uh…” Ray grimaced. “I’d rather not talk about it, to be honest. It’s… kinda sensitive.”

“Oh. Alright. Sorry if I… offended you or anything.”

“No, no, it’s… it’s fine.”

“It’s just… that’s usually something you can ask the new kid and it’s not awkward or anything and now I don’t know what to talk about.”

“Sorry, man.”

“Ah, it’s fine. It’s right over there, anyway.” He pointed to a room near the end of the hall with a large number five in the window.

“Okay. Thanks.”

“I’ll see you later, Ray.”

“Yeah, see you.” Ray walked into the lab. There were plenty of seats this time, and he chose one with two other empty stools next to it, hoping the teacher wouldn’t see him. The seats would probably fill, but at least this time he was here first. He didn’t feel like he was invading someone else’s space.

*

Ray managed to find his last class before lunch without Michael. He was ten minutes late, but he gave his new kid excuse and got away with it. As soon as the lunch bell rang, he headed for the cafeteria. He had passed it on the way to his religious studies class and he wanted to find a table alone before the place got too full. Being forced to sit and eat lunch with someone he didn’t know sounded like a nightmare, and he was sure Michael had other friends to sit with.

Ray got his tray of food and took it to an empty table. Even this soon after the lunch bell it was busy here, but there was still space for him to sit. As he picked through the undercooked pasta on the plate, he heard a loud, unmistakeable voice behind him. He turned, and sure enough, there was Michael, accompanied by 3 other guys. He turned around again quickly and carried on eating. As he’d thought; Michael had other people he’d rather eat with. It was fine. He’d met him a couple of hours ago, he couldn’t expect him to-

A hand landed on his shoulder.

“Hey, Ray!” Michael sat down next to him with his plate of spaghetti.

“Oh. Hi.” Ray replied, smiling wide. “I didn’t expect you to come sit with me.”

“Well, who else were you gonna sit with? My friends are gonna come over too, is that okay?”

“I guess, sure.” Michael stood up and shouted over the crowd:

“Gavin! Gavin! Hey, asshole! Over here.” He waved to someone, before sitting back down. A lanky guy with tangled, dirty blond hair walked over and sat opposite Michael.

“Hi.” His accent was a shade of British Ray had never heard before. “Who’s this?”

“Uh, I’m Ray.” He smiled awkwardly and looked down.

“Cool. I’m Gavin, I’m an exchange student.”

“Oh, so did you just move here too?”

“Kind of, I’ve been here a couple of weeks. I’m staying with Michael and his family.”

“Yeah, and don’t I fucking know about it.” Michael muttered.

“I’m in classes with either Michael or Barbara all the time so I always know my way around.”

“You’re lucky.”

“Yeah, I am. Are you doing okay finding stuff?”

“I’m managing.” Another boy sat down at the table, across from Ray. He had orange-red hair and the beginnings of a beard, as well as glasses that were slipping down his nose.

“Hey guys! You all alright?”

“Yeah, thanks.” Michael replied. “Jack, this is Ray.”

“Oh, hi, Ray. I’m Jack.” He extended a hand across the table and Ray shook it.

“Nice to meet you.”

“Hey, Jack, where’s Ryan?” Gavin asked.

“Oh, he stopped to talk to Kerry, he’s coming.”

“Speak of the devil.” A tall blond boy, presumably Ryan, sat down next to Ray. He turned around immediately and said:

“You’re new.”

“Yeah. My name’s Ray.”

“I’m Ryan. You a freshman?”

“No. I’m a sophomore. I just moved from New York.” Repeating this was starting to grate on Ray.

“Oh, alright. The guys been showing you around then?”

“Well, Michael has.”

“Awesome.” The table was quiet for a few minutes, with nothing but the noise of the cafeteria around them. Ray could tell it was because he was there. Michael finally spoke.

“Has anyone seen Geoff? He’s really late.”

“He was in calculus this morning, I haven’t seen him since.” Ryan replied.

“Do you think he skipped the rest of his classes and went home?” Gavin asked.

“Who the fuck can tell with Geoff?” Michael said, rolling his eyes.

“Hey, Michael,” Jack said, “Who was it you said was having a party next weekend?”

“Oh, that was Burnie. His parents are away, so…” Ray let the conversation fade into background noise. He didn’t know who the hell Burnie was anyway. It didn’t matter. He finished his meal and was about to leave the table when another guy sat down at the table.

“Jesus Christ. That was the most boring morning of my life.” He said loudly.

“Yeah, where the hell have you been, Geoff?” Michael asked.

“I was getting lectured by my fucking Spanish teacher. She dealt with me last year and she said she wanted to ‘ _see better from me_ ’ this year.”

“So you’re definitely repeating junior year then.”

“Well, I’m still here, aren’t I?” He sighed and looked around, seeming to see Ray for the first time. “Hey. New kid?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m Geoff.”

“I’m Ray.”

“Cool. Anyway. Yeah, I’ve gotta repeat this year and if I pass at an acceptable level they’re gonna let me go on to senior year.”

“Well, in the meantime you’re stuck with us.” Ryan grinned sarcastically.

“Yeah. I’m fuckin’ ecstatic.” Geoff replied.

*

The bell rang for the next lesson and this time Gavin walked with him to the classroom, as they were in the same class. He chattered on madly, leaving Ray reeling, but he was funny, and he couldn’t help but laugh with him. Even during the math class they kept talking. The teacher didn’t seem to notice, or maybe he just didn’t mind. They didn’t get much work done, but Ray learnt that Gavin had a version of the school map which was labelled with corridor and room names, and Gavin agreed to copy it for him so he could get around more easily. By now, his nerves were beginning to ease up and he felt a little more comfortable. He was glad they’d let him in so easily.

The end of the day seemed to come much more quickly than lunch had. Before long Ray was walking out of the school building with Michael, Gavin, and Jack. He was still quiet, but he felt like he could laugh along with them now.

“Hey, Ray, how are you getting home?” Gavin asked.

“I’m walking. I only live about ten minutes away.” Ray replied.

“Oh, damn. We have to get the bus.”

“That’s a shame. But I’ll talk to you guys tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah, of course.” Michael said. “What class do you have first?” Ray looked at his timetable.

“Health.”

“Oh, you might be in with Barbara then. Or maybe Kerry or Miles. They’re all nice, you should talk to them.”

“Okay, cool.”

“Alright, man, we gotta run, the bus is over there.” Jack pointed at the yellow school bus and the three of them took off running for it. Ray raised his hand in a belated farewell and sighed. It wasn’t a happy sigh, but it wasn’t exactly unhappy either. He just wanted to go home and play video games and rest.

Ray started home, a little too hot in the Texas sun. Autumn was coming, but Austin was hot pretty much all year. He was used to the wind, rain, and snow of New York. It was going to be strange living here. It had only been a month since they’d moved and it still didn’t feel quite like home. Still, walking down the driveway to the house he lived in with his mother was a pleasant feeling.

As soon as he closed the front door his mom was in the hallway to greet him.

“Hi, honey. How did it go?” She asked.

“It was okay.” He shrugged.

“Explain…”

“Well, it was weird. I don’t feel like I really fit in yet, but I think I made some friends.”

“Oh, that’s great! What are their names?”

“Michael, Gavin, Jack, Ryan, and Geoff.”

“Oh, wow! Five friends on your first day. Looks like you’re gonna be mister popular.” Ray laughed.

“Yeah, sure. ‘Popular’” He put air quotes around the word. “I’ll be average. I’m always average.”

“Not to me you’re not. You’re very special to me.” He sighed.

“Sure. Do I have time to play games before dinner?”

“I think so. I’ll shout you when it’s done.”

“Okay. Thanks, mom.” He ran upstairs to his room, dumped his backpack, and turned on his Xbox. Now this was how to relax.


	2. Chapter 2

After the long summer, getting up at seven was still a shock for Ray. He groaned as his alarm pierced his sleep, but turned it off and fumbled around on the nightstand for his glasses. After a hot shower, he felt a little more awake. He got dressed and headed downstairs, where his mom was drinking coffee and reading a newspaper at the kitchen table.

“Morning honey.” She said cheerily.

“Morning.” Ray replied, somewhat less so. Mornings had never been his thing.

“You sleep well?”

“Yeah, fine.” He lied, deciding not to tell her that he hadn’t gone to bed until 2am. There were some things she didn’t need to know. He took a box of cereal from the cupboard and poured himself a bowl.

“What classes do you have today?”

“Uh… I can’t remember, I left my schedule upstairs. I have health first thing, though.”

“Do you know anyone in health?”

“No, but apparently Michael has some friends there, so I guess I’ll probably meet them.”

“Oh, well, that’s nice.”

“Mm-hm.” He poured milk into his cereal and sat down to eat. Before long, his mom was up from the table.

“Okay, I’m gonna go fetch my bag and then I’m going to work. Make sure you’re out of the house on time.”

“I will.”

“Don’t be late.”

“I won’t.”

“Alright. Bye, honey, see you tonight.”

“Bye, mom.” Ray ducked as she ruffled his hair on the way past. She fetched her bag from the living room and left the house. Ray finished his cereal and went back to his room to get his backpack. On the way downstairs he pulled out his schedule and looked at the day. Health, world history, art, chemistry, math, and gym. He groaned. He didn’t know how things were going to be here but at his previous school that was a day to be avoided. For now he just had to wait and see.

*

Ray managed to be on time to his health class by asking a passing junior where to go. He sat down near the back of the class at a desk surrounded by other empty ones. They started to fill up quickly, but no one acknowledged him. He wondered who in the class Michael knew. The seat next to him was taken by a tall blonde girl and he was shocked when she turned to speak to him.

“Hey, are you Ray?”

“Uh… Yeah.”

“Cool, Michael told me to look for you. I’m Barbara.”

“Oh. Hi. Yeah, Michael said you might be in this class.”

“Yeah, he didn’t want you to be on your own all the time so I’m looking after you.”

“I don’t think I need looking after.”

“Maybe not, but you probably _do_ need escorting to your next class. What do you have?”

“World history.”

“Aw, we’re not together then. But I’m not far away; I can take you there?”

“Sure, thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” The teacher stood up from his desk and brought the class to attention. Barbara continued quietly. “So, how are you liking it here so far?”

“It’s okay. I’ve met more people than I expected to.”

“I guess you met all of Michael’s friends then.”

“Yeah. Gavin, Ryan, Jack, and Geoff. Although Geoff didn’t seem to like me much.”

“Oh, he probably did. He’s sweet really. Was he telling a story or something?”

“Uh… yeah, he was talking about repeating junior year.”

“He gets super pre-occupied with his stories. Don’t worry about it, he’s not being mean, he’s just not easily distracted.”

“Okay.”

“Did you meet Lindsay yet?”

“No.”

“She’s Michael’s girlfriend. She’s really nice, you’ll like her too.”

“There are so many people I have to meet. It’s really overwhelming.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it. You’ll meet everyone eventually. Most people are really nice.”

“Yeah, it’s the ‘not most people’ I’m worried about.”

“Look, don’t worry. Like I said, we’ll look after you.”

“Sure. Thanks, I guess.” The health teacher gave the two of them a stern look and they stopped talking, listening as he briefed the class on what their year’s work was going to be about.

*

World history was as boring as he’d expected. It didn’t matter that he had no one to talk to here, as the teacher rambled on for the entire lesson, seemingly just enjoying the sound of his own voice. There was no time for speaking on anyone else’s part. Barbara met him again outside the class when the bell rang.

“Hey, Ray!” She grinned at him. “Where you at next?”

“Art. Uh… Room 18.”

“That means we’re together! Come on, let’s go.” She led him upstairs to the art room and they went inside. Barbara waved to someone across the room. “Hey, I hope you’re prepared to meet some more people.” She said. Ray nodded and followed her to a large table in the corner where 4 others already sat.

“Hey, Barb!” One of them said, a short boy wearing an anime t-shirt.

“Sup, Kerry.” She turned to see Ray again. “Sit next to me. Don’t worry, they don’t bite.”

“Hey, man. What’s your name?” Another boy asked, running a hand through his spiky black hair.

“I’m Ray.”

“Cool. I’m Miles.”

“I’m Kerry.” The first boy said.

“I’m Lindsay.” The red haired girl on the end of the table piped up with a smile.

“I’m Monty.” The last boy didn’t look up from the drawing he was doing in his sketchbook, but gave a nod and a smile.

“See? We’re all nice.” Barbara said.

“Yeah. It’s nice to meet you all.” Ray replied quietly.

“Hey, don’t be shy.” Lindsay said. “It’s kinda scary being new but we’re all friends here.”

“Yeah, I know. Just a little… overwhelmed.” He tried a smile. “It’s okay, I met Michael yesterday and he helped me out a lot.”

“Oh, you know Michael? That’s cool!”

“Yeah.”

“Alright class, looks like we’re all here!” The teacher called. “We’d better get started. You should all know we have a new face among us today-” She gestured towards Ray “-But I’m not going to make you introduce yourself because everyone hates that and it looks like you’ve found a place pretty easily. I hope you enjoy this class.” Ray felt his face flush as other students turned to look at him, but it wasn’t as bad as having to walk to the front and introduce himself. The teacher cracked a joke and the class laughed. Maybe this wasn’t going to be so bad.

*

At lunch, Ray walked to the cafeteria and got food with Barbara. The table where he had sat with Michael and the others yesterday was nearly full, with only one space left, next to Gavin.

“Oh… Should we find somewhere else to sit?” He asked.

“Nah, it’s cool. You go sit with them, I’ll go sit with Kara and Brandon over there.” She pointed and dashed off. Ray walked over to the table, noticing four unfamiliar faces between the five he knew. He sat down and Gavin greeted him enthusiastically.

“Hi Ray! How’s your day been?”

“Ah, y’know. It’s been okay.”

“Hey, who’s the new kid?” The guy who asked had curly hair and wore a varsity jacket.

“Oh, yeah.” Michael said. “This is Ray. Ray, this is Burnie. You guys wanna introduce yourselves?” The three surrounding him nodded.

“I’m Matt.”

“I’m Gus.”

“Joel.” The last guy didn’t look up, kind of how Monty had in the art lesson. Except Monty had been busy; Joel was just looking down at the table.

“Hi. It’s nice to meet you.” Ray smiled, hoping for a response, but none came. “I’ve not seen you guys around in classes or anything.”

“Well, we’re all seniors, so...” Gus replied.

“Oh, okay. Makes sense.”

“Where’d you move here from, Ray?” Burnie asked.

“New York.” By now this routine was thoroughly getting on his nerves.

“Oh, cool. So you’re friends with Michael?”

“I guess so. I mean, we only met yesterday, but… yeah.”

“Awesome. You do any extra-curricular stuff?”

“I try to avoid it as much as possible.” Burnie laughed.

“So what do you do then?” He asked.

“I play video games, mostly.”

“Oh, awesome! What’s your favourite game?”

“I like Call of Duty and Halo a lot.”

“Have you ever played Portal?”

“Yeah, I got all the achievements.”

“Really? I’ve had that game for so long and I still haven’t finished it.”

“Yeah, it’s not like an easy 100% but you can get it if you keep at it-” Ray jumped as a hand landed on his shoulder from behind.

“Hey guys, what’s going on?” A loud voice said. He turned to see a tall, muscular guy with blond hair standing behind him.

“Nothing, Blaine.” Michael said, voice dripping with disdain. Blaine seemed to ignore him.

“And who’s the new kid?”

“I’m Ray.” He said quietly.

“Ray. Hm. Okay. I’m Blaine.”

“Could you… get your hand off my shoulder? Please?” Ray asked.

“Oh, my _sincerest_ apologies. I didn’t know being the new kid let you order me around.” He moved his hand away.

“I’m not _ordering_ you to do anything. I asked politely.”

“Sure, whatever.”

“Go away, Blaine.” Matt said from across the table. “Go bother someone else.”

“Yes, sir.” He flipped Matt off and walked away.

“God, what an obnoxious little…” Matt trailed off and made a growling sound, like he couldn’t find a word bad enough.

“Don’t bother with him, man.” Geoff put in. “He’s a douche.”

“Should I watch out for him?” Ray asked, a little worried.

“You should be alright; he’s probably too busy tormenting freshmen at the moment. But just… don’t get involved with him voluntarily.” Burnie said. “He’s on the football team and he probably wouldn’t hesitate to use his fists if he felt the need.”

“Oh, well that’s very reassuring.” Ray felt his stomach drop a little. He’d known it was inevitable to be picked on, but he really didn’t want the shit kicked out of him.

“Listen, man, we’ve got your back.” Ryan said. “We’ll beat him up if we have to.”

“ _You_ will. Some of us are built like twigs.” Gus replied. Ray laughed.

“Same, man. Same.”

*

Over the course of the rest of the day, Ray learnt a little more about the mysterious seniors who had been sitting at their table. Burnie had been quarterback on the school football team before breaking his leg and, despite healing quickly, being refused to continue. Blaine had taken his place and loved to rub it in Burnie’s face. Matt was a music geek, and played saxophone in the school orchestra. He was told stories of their attempts to sabotage him. Geoff told Ray stories about Gus; they’d known each other years, and he had plenty of tales about the computer whiz.

As well as all this, Ray learnt that Barbara was right about Geoff; he was nice, he was just very focused on telling stories. He learnt that Burnie’s girlfriend, Ashley, was the girl who had given him directions the day before. There was just one thing missing: He didn’t learn anything about Joel.

He walked out of school at the end of the day with Gavin and Michael, listening to their chatter. After a long deliberation, he waited for a gap in their conversation and said:

“Hey, do you guys know anything about Joel? You know, the guy who sat with us at lunch.”

“A little bit.” Michael replied. “Why?”

“Well, he was so quiet. He didn’t say anything the whole time.”

“He’s like that with everyone.” Gavin put in.

“How do _you_ know that? You’ve known him for like two weeks!” Michael said.

“Well, yeah, I met him two weeks ago and he did the same thing when I was there.”

“I don’t… I’m confused.” Ray said.

“What Gavin’s trying to say is that Joel isn’t very good with new people. He’s super quiet if he doesn’t know someone, it takes him a while to get used to them. He’s not being rude to _just_ you, so don’t worry about it.”

“Oh… okay.”

“Why did you wanna know about him anyway?”

“I just-” He broke off as a shout rang out from behind them, turning to look.

“Oh, shit. Ray, the bus is here, we gotta go.” Michael ran off.

“See you later Ray!” Gavin called as he followed. Ray, meanwhile, was still looking for the person who had shouted. His stomach dropped as he saw Blaine approaching.

“Oh, look! It’s Ray.” He called as he walked over. Ray was hit with an urge to run, but there were kids all around him. Anyway, he was sure a quarterback could outrun him, and outpunch him when he caught up. “Ray, how you doing buddy?” Blaine asked sarcastically.

“I’m fine, thanks.”

“Listen, man, I wanted to give you a little bit of advice. You know, since you’re new here.”

“I don’t think I need it, I’ve had a lot-”

“No, no, you don’t get it. I’m gonna give you this advice. You should stay away from Michael. And Gavin for that matter. And Ryan, and Jack, and Geoff, all those people. All those people are two-faced sons-of-bitches and they will give you the _hardest_ time. They gave me a hard time when I took over as quarterback. They’ll do it to you too.”

“I know you’re lying.” Ray was getting uncomfortable. Blaine had caught him in the middle of the gateway, and they were standing right where people wanted to walk. Some were pushing past.

“No, I swear to you, I’m telling the truth. Those guys will mess you up. You shouldn’t trust them.”

“I don’t believe you. I’m leaving now.” Ray went to walk away, but Blaine grabbed his arm and pulled him back. “Let me go.” The words came out a little higher pitched than he was expecting. He was shaking. The grip on his arm tightened.

“You’re not listening to me.”

“I listened to you and I don’t believe you! Get the fuck off me!” Ray wrenched his arm out of the grip.

“Blaine! What the fuck are you doing?” A loud voice came from the crowd and another boy approached. He was tall and muscular, with a septum piercing and stubble.

“Nothing, Adam. I’m not doing anything.” Adam sighed.

“Sure you weren’t. Go home, asshole.” Blaine hesitated but received a strong glare from Adam and walked away out of the gate. Adam turned to Ray, who was rubbing his arm where a bruise was sure to form. “Are you alright, kid?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“You sound a little shaken up.”

“He grabbed me pretty hard. It’s alright though. It’ll be fine.”

“What was he trying to do to you?”

“He was telling me that Michael and everyone I’m friends with were gonna hurt me or… something stupid like that.”

“Oh, he’s got a vendetta out on those guys. Just cause they’re Burnie’s friends. Hey, how do you know Michael, anyway? Aren’t you a freshman?”

“No, I’m a sophomore. I just moved here.”

“Oh, I’m a sophomore too. I’m surprised I haven’t seen you in class.”

“You’re a sophomore? I thought you were a senior.”

“Everyone thinks that. Anyway, if you’re sure you’re okay, I guess you wanna get home.”

“Yeah. Thanks. My name’s Ray, by the way.”

“Adam. I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah. See you.” Ray walked out of the gate and down the road to his house. He was still shaking. He’d known it was inevitable to be picked on, but being physically hurt this early was a horrific shock. He just hoped it wasn’t going to go any further.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really didn't want to make Blaine the stereotypical 'bully' character but it had to be someone and he kinda got the short end of the stick. I'm as upset about it as you are.


	3. Chapter 3

The rest of week seemed to pass quickly. Ray wore long sleeves to hide the large purple bruise that had bloomed on his upper arm. He didn’t tell any of the other guys, nor did he mention it to his mother. He didn’t want them to worry; he could do that all on his own. Even over the weekend, he was distracted, constantly looking at the bruise, watching the purple fade to green and yellow, thanking his good luck that he hadn’t bumped into Blaine again.

His mom woke him up earlier than usual on Monday, gently shaking him awake. He pulled the covers over his head and groaned.

“Wake up, honey. Don’t you know what today is?” Ray racked his brains. Was there a field trip he was meant to be going on? Was he late?

“No?” He replied groggily. His mom sighed.

“Happy birthday, Ray.” Ray pulled the covers off his head. It was his birthday. How did he forget that? How did he forget that he was turning sixteen? He sat up.

“I forgot it was my birthday.”

“Figures. You’ve been busy with school, it’s distracting. Come on, get a shower and come downstairs. I’ve got something for you.” She left his room and he got out of bed, collecting clothes and getting ready for the day.

When he got downstairs, his mom was sitting on the couch, an envelope and a package wrapped in green paper on the cushion next to her.

“You ready to open these then?” She asked, smiling.

“I guess so.” He sat down on the opposite end of the sofa and picked up the envelope. He tore it open carefully and looked at the card, embellished with a large number sixteen. Smiling as he read his mom’s message, he put it aside and focused on the package, a small but heavy oblong box. He tore the corners of the paper and pulled it off, finding a plain cardboard box underneath. Slightly confused, he fumbled to open it. Underneath a layer of polystyrene, he found an Xbox controller, painted with a dark red pattern and his name printed beside the D-pad. He looked at his mom in awe.

“This is so awesome!” He said, grinning. “Thank you!”

“You’re welcome, sweetie. I know you wanted a custom controller and I’ve heard how you throw your old one around. I figured you could use a new one.” She smiled back. “See, I’m not so technologically illiterate I couldn’t organise this for you.”

“It’s so great. Thank you.” He repeated, before getting up to hug her.

“Now, I’ve got to go to work. I wanted to give you this before I left. Make sure you eat breakfast, and don’t be late, alright?”

“Sure. See you later mom.”

“Bye, Ray.” She ruffled his hair, picked up her bag, and left the house. Ray ran up to his room and put the card and controller on top of his dresser. He would try it out when he got home. He did as his mom had asked, eating breakfast quickly and leaving the house on time. It wasn’t until he was halfway to school that his mood dropped. No one at school _knew_ that it was his birthday. How could they? He hadn’t remembered himself; there hadn’t been chance to tell them. So it wasn’t going to be a different kind of day at all. Just another day. He should have known.

By lunch, most of Ray’s positivity had drained away, to be replaced with bitterness and headache. The day was pretty much the same as any other. He had finally encountered Adam in a class, one he hadn’t noticed him in the previous week, but been too afraid to approach him. He hadn’t seen Blaine since the Tuesday at the school gates, but he was still scared that he would walk around a corner and bump into him. As he sat at the cafeteria table with Michael and Gavin, he felt a little sad. This wasn’t how he’d dreamt his birthday would go.

Ryan sat down at the table a few minutes later, bumping Ray’s arm; unknowingly, right where it was bruised.

“Oh, shit. Sorry, Ray.” He said.

“It’s okay.” Ray replied quietly.

“Hey, what’s up? Something eating you?”

“Nah, I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.” He kept his eyes down, looking at the food he was picking at. Ryan looked at him a second longer, before shaking his head.

“Alright then.” Geoff and Jack strolled over the table and sat down next to Gavin.

“Hey, what’s happening, guys?” Geoff said.

“Nothing much.” Michael replied.

“Hey, I know what’s going on. Burnie’s party this weekend. You guys all going?” Jack and Ryan nodded.

“We should be, I gotta get the go ahead from my mom for me and Gavin to go.” Michael replied.

“Awesome. I don’t think it’s gonna be a huge thing, but it’s gonna fucking fun.” Ray sighed. This just got better and better. Now a party he wasn’t invited to and wouldn’t hear the end of for months.

“Hey, Ray, did Burnie invite you to this thing?” Gavin asked. Obviously someone here had to be a goddamn mind-reader.

“Uh, no.”

“Oh, that sucks! We’ve got to ask him next time we see him.”

“No, no, don’t. I don’t wanna… I wanna go, but it feels really rude to ask like that.”

“Nah, it’ll be fine.”

“I… sure. Whatever.”

“Hey, Ray, are you okay?” Jack asked. “You look… I don’t know. Not happy.” Ray took a deep breath.

“Yeah, it’s fine. I’m being stupid.” He forced a smile. “I’m alright.”

“As long as you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.” He sighed. “I’m just being stupid.”

*

Ray kept telling himself he was being stupid for the rest of the day, going through his lessons with a scowl. He cheered up a little in his final class; with Lindsay sitting next to him cracking jokes every five minutes, it was hard not to. By the time he walked out with her, Michael, and Gavin, he felt a little better. So what if they didn’t know it was his birthday? It was just a day. Even so, there was an irritating feeling at the back of his mind like he was missing out on something. As Lindsay walked away in the opposite direction and Michael and Gavin boarded the bus, that feeling of isolation only got stronger.

When he got home, his mom was cooking dinner in the kitchen. It smelt good; rich and spicy and homely. He dumped his backpack in the hall and went in to see her.

“Hey, mom.” He said, sitting down at the table.

“Hi, honey. How’s your birthday been?” She asked.

“Oh, it’s been… good.” She sensed his hesitation and sighed.

“Now what does that mean?”

“Well… No one knew. I didn’t have time to tell them it was my birthday and I didn’t want to make them feel guilty by telling them today so I just… didn’t.”

“Oh, Ray. You’re always too concerned about what other people think. You have to think about yourself sometimes, you know.”

“Yeah, I know.” He looked at the ground. “I guess I messed up.”

“I don’t think you messed up. I just think you misjudged things. You just have to learn from it and not do it again.”

“Yeah.”

“Anyway, dinner’s going to be a little while. You wanna go test out that new controller while it cooks?” Ray couldn’t help but smile.

“Yeah. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Go on, off you go.” Ray picked up his backpack from the bottom of the stairs and ran up to his room, eager to turn on his Xbox.

*

By the time Ray got to school the next day, he wasn’t upset about his birthday anymore. A little regretful, but not upset. He chatted away to Barbara in Health, and again in Art. They walked to the cafeteria again, and as it had been the week before, the table he usually sat at was almost full. He frowned at the sight of two balloons floating above the seats.

“What the heck?” He said quietly.

“I guess it’s someone’s birthday.” Barbara replied. “You go and see. I’m gonna go sit with Lindsay and Adam.”

“Okay, say hi to them for me.” Barbara walked off and Ray went over to the table. One seat left. Next to Joel. Of course. He sat down, a little cautious.

“Hey, whose are the balloons?” He asked. Joel sighed and raised his hand a little.

“Yeah, they’re mine.” He said.

“Aw, come on Joel, you’re eighteen! Don’t be miserable.” Burnie said.

“It’s your birthday?” Ray said. “Dude, that’s crazy, we’re almost the same, my birthday was yesterday!” Joel looked up at him, eyes wide. God, his eyes were so dark. Almost black.

“Really?” He smiled hesitantly. “That is… crazy. But you’re, like… you’re sixteen, right?”

“Ray, what the hell?” Michael exclaimed. “Why didn’t you tell us it was your birthday yesterday?”

“Oh… Yeah.” Ray sighed. “I forgot about it, to be honest. And then yesterday I didn’t wanna make you feel guilty for not knowing beforehand cause it was my own dumb fault.” He shrugged. “You know now, at least.”

“Yeah, that’s really helpful, asshole.”

“Is that why you were upset all day?” Jack asked.

“Uh… kind of. I was more… pissed off with myself really. It was dumb.”

“Goddamn, Ray.” Michael sighed. “You’re a dumbass. And I mean that in the nicest possible way.”

“Yeah.” Ray nodded.

“Oh, hey, Burnie, I wanted to ask you something.” Gavin piped up from the other end of the table. “So you know your party this weekend?”

“Yeah, what about it?” Burnie asked.

“Well, is it okay for Ray to come?”

“Gavin, I told you not to-” Ray was cut off by Burnie’s laugh.

“Sure it is! Sorry I didn’t invite you, man. I would have done, but I didn’t even think about it. Yeah, we got plenty of room for you.”

“Thank you.” Ray mumbled, looking down at the table.

“You know, the party’s actually for Joel.” Burnie continued.

“Yeah, my parents wouldn’t let me do anything in the house, so… Burnie offered up his. Since his parents are away for the weekend.” Joel said. Ray looked up and nodded, catching Joel’s eye again. He looked away quickly.

“Hey, Ray, if you add me on Facebook I’ll send you directions to my house.” Burnie said, still concentrating on the party. “If you can’t get there by walking I’ll pick you up. You can turn up at, say, 4pm Saturday. If you have a bedroll or a duvet or something you should bring that too. Uh… I think that’s it.”

“Is there gonna be alcohol?” Ray asked tentatively.

“A couple beers, maybe. Not much. Why, you interested in more?”

“No, not really. Just wanted to know in advance.”

“We’re probably not gonna be really drunk, put it that way.”

“Alright.”

“Uh, hey. Ray, um. Where do you live?” Joel asked. He looked like he was trying to smile but it came out more like a grimace.

“I live about ten minutes away from school, towards the centre of town. Why?”

“Oh, I was just… just curious.”

“Where do _you_ live?”

“I guess… not far from you, I guess. Like, 10 minutes’ walk away.”

“It seems like you and I have a lot of similarities emerging, huh.”

“Yeah, it… it seems like it.” Joel looked away, and Ray didn’t hear him speak again until the bell rang and they split up for classes, when a quiet ‘Later, Ray’ was thrown his way.

*

The next morning, Ray got to school to find Michael and Gavin waiting outside the gates for him.

“Hey, guys.” He said. “What are you doing? You’re really early.”

“We got a ride from my mom.” Michael replied. “Cause, you know, it was your birthday the other day and you were an idiot and didn’t tell us so we didn’t get chance to get you anything. So Gav and I went to the merch place in the mall last night and we thought we’d get you a little something.” Ray smiled as Michael pulled a package out from behind his back.

“Guys, you really didn’t need to do this.”

“Yeah we did!” Gavin said. “We couldn’t just leave you without a present!”

“Here.” Michael pushed the package into Ray’s hands. It was soft and light. He pulled the paper off and revealed fabric, which he unfolded to find a t-shirt emblazoned with a Halo energy sword.

“Oh, wow. That’s really awesome.” He held it up to his body. It was a little bigger than he would usually buy shirts, but he didn’t care. “Thank you so much, guys.”

“Hey, you’re welcome.” Michael replied.

“Yeah, you deserved to have a present.” Gavin grinned. “You are our friend, after all.”

“You guys are really really great.”

“You’re not so bad yourself. Come on, we got classes to get to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is going to update on Tuesdays and Fridays from now on, so look forward to more regular posts!


	4. Chapter 4

Over the next few days, Ray got everything arranged for the party. He got directions to Burnie’s place, but found he was too far away to walk. Burnie offered to pick him up again, and this time Ray accepted. He got permission from his mom to go and stay the night, found his bedroll in the bottom of his closet, and packed his backpack with clean clothes.

By the time he stood at the curb outside his house waiting for Burnie, he was getting nervous. He’d never been to anything like this before. His friends in New York had been a lot more distant. Not that they didn’t care about him; they just didn’t have the same attitude to friendship. They would never have dreamt of sitting ten to a table like they did every day at lunch, shoulders touching. Never in a million years would they have all gathered at someone’s house and slept in the same room. He wasn’t sure how he felt about it himself yet. He would have to wait and see.

Burnie pulled up to the curb in front of him just before four, in a blue Volkswagen that had clearly seen better days. He waved and Ray got into the front passenger seat.

“Hey, how are you doing?” Burnie asked.

“I’m pretty good, thanks.” Ray replied. “You?”

“Yeah, I’m great. You ready to go?” Ray clipped his seatbelt closed and nodded.

“I am now.”

“Good. I wanna get back pretty quickly, I’ve left Michael, Gavin, and Matt in my house alone. I’m worried they’re gonna break something.” They pulled away from the curb and drove off.

“Oh, really? I thought they’d be turning up a little later.”

“I wish they had. I could have brought them with me but I wanted people to be in the house in case someone else turned up.”

“Makes sense. Is it gonna be all ten of us? You know, our group and your group?”

“It should be, if everyone turns up. It was gonna be eleven, I invited Ashley, but she’s working tonight.”

“That’s a shame.”

“It is, she loves hanging out with the guys. The rest of you will probably be happy that we’re not gonna be making out the whole night, though.”

“Well. Yeah.”

The drive to Burnie’s house was fairly short, with a brief stop at a red light the only hindrance. They pulled into a gravel driveway in front of a fairly large detached house with a wide porch. They got out of the car and Burnie led Ray to the front door, before opening it wide and standing back to let Ray go first. It was bright inside, the light wood flooring reflecting the light. As Burnie closed the door behind him, a head poked out of an adjoining room.

“Hi Ray!” Gavin called, waving. Someone pushed him and he squawked, slipping on the shiny floor and falling with a thud. Burnie sighed, restraining a smile as the unmistakeable sound of Michael’s laugh echoed out of the room. He took his shoes off, and Ray copied, leaving his sneakers by the coatrack in the corner of the hall.

“Come on,” Burnie said, “Bring your stuff in the living room.” Ray nodded and followed, feeling a little bit awkward. Michael and Gavin were wrestling on the floor, laughing like children. Matt was sitting on the couch watching them with a half-amused, half-confused expression.

“Jesus Christ.” Ray laughed.

“You two better not break anything!” Burnie said, mock-angrily. Michael and Gavin looked up, no longer laughing. “It was a joke.” He sighed.

“Well, you ruined it.” Michael replied, getting up. Gavin pulled himself up too, shaking his head.

“Ugh. I’m dizzy.” He said, blinking rapidly.

“It’s probably cause I bashed your head against the floor.” The doorbell rang, and Burnie went to get it, quickly followed by Michael and Gavin. Even Matt got up to go and see who it was, so Ray trailed behind, standing in the doorway where Gavin had fallen a few minutes before. He was just in time to see Ryan and Jack come in.

“I’ve left my car behind yours, you’re not gonna need to get it out before I go, are you?” Jack asked Burnie.

“Not unless Ray wants to go home early.” Burnie replied, making them turn to look at Ray.

“You gonna want to?” Ryan said.

“I doubt it.” Ray shrugged, trying to be casual despite the nerves still making his stomach do flips.

“Alright. Come on through, guys.” Burnie led everyone back into the living room, and they all sat on the L-shaped couch in the corner. It was a big couch, but with all seven of them it was totally full.

“So what’s the plan for tonight, Burns?” Jack asked.

“Well, once everyone gets here I’m gonna order pizza, and we have a cake for Joel in the kitchen. Although goddamn, don’t tell him that, or he’ll be all worked up about it. It’s gonna be a surprise. Anyway, we’ve got a limited supply of beers and a bunch of snacks, and I figure we’ll watch a few movies or marathon a TV show or something.”

“Awesome. Sounds great.”

“How many pizzas are you gonna order to feed ten of us?” Matt asked. “That’s a lot of pizza.”

“I don’t know. I think, like… five? Will that be enough?”

“If we have other snacks too, then probably. Can you afford that, though?”

“My dad left me fifty dollars for food for all of us, it should be fine.”

“Your parents are either fantastic or insane.” Ray said. “Either way I want them.” Burnie laughed.

“I think it’s a bit of both. Would your parents not let you do this?”

“I don’t think there’s space in the new house. But no, my mom wouldn’t like it.”

“What about your dad?”

“Well, my dad still lives in New York, so…” There was silence for a moment, before the doorbell rang again, and there was another rush to see who it was. Ray was closer to the door this time, and saw Gus, Geoff, and Joel all standing on the doorstep.

“Hey, it’s Joel!” Burnie shouted excitedly. “Late to your own party!” Joel laughed.

“Totally not my fault. Geoff forgot where your house was. Also he’s a terrible driver.”

“I did not! And I’m a great driver!” Geoff protested as they walked in.

“You’re a _terrible_ driver, dude.” Gus replied. “And you totally did get lost.”

“I… Shut up.” They all piled back into the living room, some people sitting on the sofa, some cross-legged on the rug, and Gavin perched on the edge of the coffee table like a cat.

“Okay.” Burnie said. “Who wants what on their pizza?”

*

An hour later, there was one slice of pizza left, and a fight was breaking out.

“Well, who got the least of the rest of the pizza? They should get it.” Jack insisted.

“Ray didn’t have much.” Burnie pointed out.

“I’m good, thanks.” Ray shook his head. “I don’t want it.”

“Yeah, Ray eats like a bird anyway.” Gavin said.

“At least he doesn’t have a beak like one.” Michael replied. A chorus of laughter broke out. Gavin stuck out his bottom lip.

“Rude.” He muttered.

“Oh, fuck this.” Gus said. He picked up the slice of pizza and took a bite. “There. I fixed it.”

“Welp. That solves that problem.” Burnie picked up the empty pizza boxes and stood up to take them away, but turned around just before he got to the door. “Hey, Ray, come give me a hand, will you?” Ray was surprised to hear his name.

“Me?”

“Well, yeah, who else in here’s called Ray?”

“Yeah, right. Sorry.” He got up off of the couch and followed Burnie into the kitchen. He had dumped the pizza boxes by the sink and was taking the lid off a large plastic tub. He carefully took out a cake covered in chocolate frosting and pulled a pack of birthday candles out of a nearby drawer.

“Help me put these on the cake. Try and spread them evenly.” Ray nodded and followed the pattern Burnie had started, putting ten candles around the edge of the cake and eight more in the middle.

“Is that okay?” Ray asked.

“Yeah, that looks great. Okay, do me a favour and pick it up. I’m gonna light the candles and we’ll take it in.”

“Wait… you want me to take it in?”

“Sure.”

“Why?”

“Mostly cause everyone else here is an asshole and would drop it or something. Anyway, it was your birthday this week as well; this can be your cake too.”

“Alright.” He picked up the cake, careful to keep his hands on the board and not touch the frosting. Burnie took out a lighter and quickly lit every tiny wick.

“Okay, come on, let’s go.” They walked back into the living room where the others were all having their own conversations. Joel looked up and groaned.

“Really? Are you doing this to me?” He asked.

“Fuck yeah we are.” Burnie replied. “Blow out the damn candles.” Ray took the cake closer so that Joel could reach the candles, and found himself eye to eye with him as he bent to the level where he was sitting. Joel looked away immediately, but not before Ray got a glimpse of those almost-black irises again. The candles were blown out and they cheered.

“Alright. See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” Burnie said, with the patronising false-encouragement of a kindergarten teacher. “Ray, bring that back, let’s cut it up.” Ray nodded and took the cake away as Joel leant back in his seat again. He felt the hotness in his face and realised he was blushing.

“You okay? You look a little red in the face. If you’re too hot I can turn down the AC a little more.” Ray couldn’t tell if he was being serious or not, so assumed that he was.

“No, I’m fine.” He watched as Burnie cut the cake into slices.

“Hey, there’s a cupboard behind you with a bunch of plastic plates inside. Could you get me some?”

“Sure.” He took out the plates and helped put the cake onto them, before distributing them to the others and sitting down to enjoy his own slice.

*

When the cake was eaten and the plates were taken away, they decided it was time for a Game of Thrones marathon in the dark. Snacks were left on the table but remained mostly uneaten, save for Gavin chewing his way through a bowl of gummy candy. Beers were passed out. Burnie had been right when he’d said they were limited; there were only ten bottles, enough for one each. Ray, Ryan, and Matt all gave theirs up to other people in preference of Coke or Sprite. By the third episode of season one, most of the beer bottles were empty, and someone got up every so often to pee or get another drink. Burnie let the ad breaks run instead of skipping them so they had time.

Ray was sitting on the rug with his bedroll unzipped so it was more like a blanket, wrapped around his shoulders. As another ad break began, he looked for his drink, only to find his cup empty. He was about to go for a refill when he saw Joel walk past, presumably for the same reason. Shit. He considered waiting for the next ad break. No. Screw that. He would talk to him. He could do that. It shouldn’t be hard. He kept telling himself that, but as he walked to the kitchen his stomach started doing flips all over again.

He walked over to the bottles of soda nonchalantly, bedroll-blanket still slung over his shoulders. Joel noticed him walk in, but didn’t speak.

“Hey Joel.” Ray said with a smile. “How are you doing?” Joel looked at him, wide-eyed.

“Um… I’m okay, thanks.” He replied quietly.

“How are you enjoying things so far?”

“It’s… it’s good, thanks.” He looked away as he finished refilling his cup. “Um… I’m sorry, I… I just don’t really wanna talk to you right now.” Ray’s stomach dropped.

“Sorry?”

“I just… I wanna go, and, and sit down, and not talk to you. Sorry. I…”

“You don’t wanna talk to me?” Ray repeated. “Do you… do you not know how offensive that sounds?”

“I’m not-”

“You know, I wondered if you had a problem with me from the day I fucking met you. And everyone said, no, it’s fine, he’s like that with everyone. Well, I don’t see you telling Gavin you don’t wanna talk to him!”

“No, I’m just-”

“When we talked on your birthday I was so happy because I was so convinced you hated me on sight, and that was a little bit of reassurance that you didn’t. And now I’m not so sure.”

“I’m sorry, Ray, I’m-”

“No, no. Fuck you. Fuck off.” Ray left his cup on the counter and left the kitchen. But rather than turning right into the living room, he carried on to the front door. He knew it was still unlocked. He needed some alone time. It was cooler than usual outside, and he was glad he had the blanket as he sat down cross-legged on the front porch, looking at the street outside, dimly lit by streetlamps and the final, fading light of the sunset. He could still hear the others inside, could hear the episode playing. He listened for a moment or two until he heard the TV sound stop, and conversation simmer down until it was too quiet to hear. Part of him wondered what had happened. Mostly he didn’t really care.


	5. Chapter 5

The front door opened and closed. Ray didn’t turn to look, but heard Burnie’s voice, quieter than usual:

“Are you okay?” Ray shook his head. “Do you wanna talk about it?” Burnie sat down on the edge of the porch next to him.

“No.” Ray muttered, bringing his knees up beneath his chin, hugging his legs.

“Joel told me what happened. He didn’t know what to do.”

“So why didn’t he come out here and say sorry?”

“He was afraid to talk to you. He told you that; only I think he said it wrong and… upset you.”

“Right.” Ray finally turned to look at Burnie. “He was fine with me the other day. Why is he having problems now? What’s his deal?”

“Ray, listen. I’ve known Joel since our first day of freshman year. And yeah, he’s a pain in the ass, I know that pretty well. But he’s always been like this. The first two weeks I knew him he would hardly speak to me, took the first opportunity to get away from me most of the time. And you know, I got pissed at him too. He had another friend he’d come to the school with, Matt, and I didn’t have anyone else. It took him a little while to realise that… that he was hurting me as well as himself.”

“That doesn’t explain _why_ though. Why is he so afraid of everyone?”

“Well, I could ask the same of you.” Ray frowned.

“What?”

“You’re not so easy-going around all of us yourself.”

“But I just moved here. I don’t know anyone properly.”

“Precisely. You don’t know people. When Joel doesn’t know someone, he draws away from them like _he’s_ the new one. It’s kinda the same thing.”

“Right.” Ray nodded. “I guess that… that kinda makes sense.”

“Yeah.” There was silence for a moment as both stared out at the street, watching a passing dog walker. “Can I ask you something, Ray?”

“Sure.”

“Why did you move here? You never did tell me.”

“I never told _anyone_.” He sighed. “My parents split up. My mom wanted to get away from New York and took me with her.”

“Did you not want to come?”

“I… I still don’t know. I didn’t wanna stay and I didn’t wanna go. I… It sounds shallow but I chose my mom’s side cause I knew she would choose a better place to live than our apartment.”

“Was it a bad split?”

“Not really. They just… drifted apart, I guess. There weren’t a lot of arguments. Just a lot of quiet conversations where it looked more like they were having a business meeting than a chat. They both agreed to it, I think. They’re gonna finalise the divorce papers in a week or two.”

“That’s sad. I’m sorry man.”

“It’s okay. I miss my dad a lot, and my old friends. I talk to my dad on the phone sometimes but it’s… less often the last couple of weeks. I think… I think I like it here, though. I don’t miss New York as much as I thought I would.”

“Well, that’s good to hear, at least. I’m glad you like it here.”

“It’s mostly cause of you guys. If I didn’t have friends I don’t think I’d like it so much.”

“I hope we haven’t made that worse tonight, then.” Ray sighed and shook his head slowly. They were quiet again for a while. “Do you want to go home? I can get Jack to move his car and drive you if you want?”

“No. It’s okay. I’ll stay.”

“Are you sure?”

“I think so. Do the others know what happened?”

“Yeah. Joel… kind of blurted it out. He was upset.” Ray nodded.

“It’s fine. I can explain to them later if I have to.”

“Alright, buddy. Let’s go.” Burnie stood up and offered Ray a hand. He took it and pulled himself up, before following Burnie back inside. The others all turned to look when they came in, except Joel, who was sitting on the rug behind the coffee table with his hood up. Ray took his spot on the other side of the rug, between Ryan and Michael.

“You okay?” Michael whispered.

“I’m fine.” Ray replied. “Don’t worry about it.” Michael and Ryan exchanged a look.

“If you wanna talk to someone-”

“I’ve spoken to someone.” Ray said, cutting Ryan off. “Really, just… I’ll talk to you about it tomorrow, maybe. Not now.”

“Alright, is everyone ready to carry on?” Burnie asked, the TV remote in his hand. There was a chorus of ‘yeah’ and ‘sure’, but it was unenthusiastic. Ray sighed. He’d ruined it. He knew the others would deny it if he asked, but there was an almost tangible tension in the room that hadn’t been there before. He looked over the coffee table and caught sight of Joel in the flickering light of the TV, saw that light reflecting in his eyes for a split second before he looked away. Ray tried his best to concentrate on the episode, but every so often his eyes would roam over to gaze at him, vainly hoping to catch him looking again.

*

At some point during the night, Ray fell asleep, back against the arm of the couch, head on Ryan’s shoulder. He woke up with a crick in his neck and backache. Ryan was still snoring next to him, head resting on the couch cushion behind him. Michael had migrated to the sofa to sleep near Gavin, who was stretched out on one side of Geoff, legs draped over him. Gus was leaning on his other shoulder. Jack was curled up in the corner like a cat, still wearing his glasses. Ray moved away from Ryan, careful not to disturb him, and headed to the kitchen for a glass of water.

He’d almost forgotten about the night before when the sight of Joel, Burnie, and Matt sitting at the kitchen table reminded him. His stomach dropped again and he froze in the doorway. Burnie noticed him and smiled.

“Hey Ray.” He said. “Did you sleep okay?”

“As okay as I could have sitting on the floor and leaning on Ryan.”

“Yeah, sleeping conditions weren’t ideal. Do you want anything?”

“Uh… A glass of water, please.”

“Sure.” Burnie got up and filled a tumbler with water, before handing it to Ray.

“Thanks.”

“No problem. You wanna sit down?” Ray nodded and sat down next to Burnie. Right opposite Joel. He took a sip of water and looked down. There was a moment of quiet, before Burnie spoke again: “Hey, are any of the others up yet?”

“Not yet. Either that or they’re pretending.”

“They’ll wake up soon, it’ll get too hot for them all to be cuddling like that.” Matt said. Burnie laughed.

“Yeah, did you see the four-way cuddle pile going on? Geoff’s gonna wake up and wonder what the fuck happened.”

“I think it’s more likely that Gus will wake up and wonder why the hell he fell asleep like that anyway.”

“Well, at least he didn’t wake up with a face full of hair.” Joel muttered.

“Oh, shut up.” Burnie said. “Just because I ended up next to you.”

“You were on the couch when we went to sleep! I was on the floor, what did you even do?”

“I’m as clueless as you are. I probably fell off the couch. Who cares?”

“ _I_ care. I got a face full of Burnie fluff.” Joel frowned. “That sounded dirty.” Ray laughed despite himself, and covered his mouth to stifle it. Joel looked at him, surprised, and suppressed a smile.

“Well, we can’t wait all day for those assholes to wake up, can we?” Burnie said, standing up. “I have to tidy up before my parents get home at three; that was part of the deal. And I gotta drive Ray here home before that.”

“Yeah, I gotta drive Michael and Gavin.” Matt replied. “Should we wake them up?”

“Might as well, it’s ten am. I’ll fix everyone breakfast and stuff.”

“Alright. You coming, you two?”

“No. I don’t wanna be the one to wake up 6 tired assholes.” Joel said.

“Uh, no, I’ll… stay here.” Ray agreed. Matt and Burnie left the kitchen, and Ray looked across the table at Joel. Their eyes met again.

“Ray, I wanted… I wanna talk to you.” Joel said hurriedly, tripping over his words.

“Okay. Go ahead.”

“I’m really sorry about last night.”

“So am I.”

“I was… totally out of order.”

“I think we were both out of order. Mostly me, really. You made a mistake; I made a scene.” Ray sighed. “I was dumb and I’m sorry.”

“Oh. I thought… you would be more… More upset.”

“I was, but… Burnie explained something to me. And now I’m just… regretting it.”

“So… are we okay? I mean, are we… friends?”

“Yeah.” Ray smiled a little. “We’re friends. As long as you’re gonna want to talk to me.”

“I am, I am. I just… I got worked up last night cause there were so many people and, you know, I’ve not known Gavin long, and I hardly know you at all, and I just… I got nervous.”

“I understand. We’re cool, Joel.” Joel smiled at him. Ray extended a hand and they shook on it, just as Michael walked in. He frowned, confused.

“Did I miss something?” He asked. “What the fuck?” Ray laughed.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll tell you later.” Burnie followed Michael into the kitchen.

“Hey, Michael, what’s up?” He asked.

“I just came for a drink of water and found these two talking again.”

“Oh, yeah? Well, I can get you some water if you want?”

“Sure. Thanks.” Burnie poured Michael a glass of water and handed it to him.

“Now, do you wanna help me make waffles, or are you gonna go sit down with the others?”

“I’ll go sit down. I don’t wanna help anyone do anything. My entire body aches.”

“Probably because you slept on Gavin. He’s so skinny and bony, I’m surprised you could sleep at all.” Michael grunted noncommittally and went back to the living room. Burnie turned to Ray and Joel.

“Alright. Are you two helping me or not?”

“Sure, I’ll help.” Ray replied. He looked over at Joel, who shrugged.

“Might as well.”

*

By the time there were enough waffles for everyone to eat, the kitchen was a mess. Joel had been given the duty of stirring the mixture, and dribbled it everywhere. At first Burnie was annoyed, but before long he had wiped flour all over Joel’s face. Ray stood aside laughing, until he got the same treatment. They managed to stop fucking around for long enough to make a waffle for everyone, though, with Ray running back and forth with plates as each one was removed from the waffle iron. They stacked toppings on the coffee table for everyone to pick and choose what they wanted, and for once, no one complained.

By now it was nearly midday, and Ray felt kind of gross. He’d slept in his clothes, and really needed to shower. He raised this notion to Burnie, who agreed.

“Let’s be real here, this is ten dudes in a comparatively small room. I think we all need a shower. I’ve only got two bathrooms, though. When Jack moves his car I can take you home and you can shower there. Or I can show you how to work my shower, but then everyone’s gonna want to do the same.”

“I didn’t think about that. Don’t worry about it, then, I can wait for Jack and Ryan to leave. I always feel kind of awkward showering in new places anyway.” Burnie nodded.

“That’s fine. I gotta get everyone out of here soon anyway, I need to clean up.” He turned to look at the others, still piled onto the couch. “You hear that, guys? You gotta get going soon. My parents are gonna be pissed if I don’t clean up.” There was a grumble of disappointment from them.

“Aw, but I’m having such a good time!” Gavin piped up.

“Well, that’s great, but try doing something like this in your own house. It’s messy.”

“But I live in Michael’s house.”

“You don’t _live_ there, Gavin.” Michael said firmly. “You’re _staying_ there. I know I keep having to remind you of that but come on.”

“Aw.” Gavin stuck his bottom lip out again, sulking.

“You’re such a child.” Michael hit him with a cushion, making him squeak. Matt sighed at them and stood up.

“Are you two gonna be ready soon, then?” He asked. “I’ve gotta get home as well, and it’s a pretty long drive to your place.”

“I guess so. It’s not like I bothered to bring anything.” Michael replied.

“Nah, me neither.”

“Well, then, we can probably get going. I parked at the curb so we wouldn’t get blocked in.”

“Good foresight.”

“Alright. You definitely didn’t bring anything?”

“Nope.”

“Okay. Come on then.” Gavin and Michael got up from the couch and followed Matt. A chorus of goodbyes followed as Burnie unlocked the door for them to leave. Geoff looked out of the window as they started to drive off, flipping them off with a grin on his face.

After the three of them left, everyone else started to pack up and get ready to go. Ray rolled up his sleeping bag, which had been discarded on the floor when he was asleep. Jack and Ryan were first to leave, with Jack slinging a sarcastic comment about ‘get a better driveway’ back to Burnie as he left. Burnie took Geoff’s example and flipped him off. Geoff, Gus, and Joel were almost ready to go by now, so Burnie decided to wait until they were gone to take Ray home. They walked to front door with them.

“So, you enjoy your birthday party, Joel?” Burnie asked.

“Yeah, it was great. I mean… There was a little blip last night, but… it was good.” His eyes flicked to Ray as he smiled. “We fixed that.”

“Yeah, you guys are talking now, huh.” Geoff commented.

“Like I say. We fixed that.”

“Well, we’d better go. Apparently to pass this year I have to actually _do_ my homework, and I still haven’t.”

“Alright. See you, Geoff.” Geoff got in his car, followed by Gus, who waved as he got into the front passenger seat.

“Oh, fuck, he got shotgun.” Joel complained. “I’d better go. Bye, Burnie.” He hugged Burnie, before half-smiling at Ray. “Bye, Ray.”

“Bye, Joel.” He watched as Joel got in the back of Geoff’s car and they backed out of the driveway.

“Alright, you ready to go?” Burnie asked Ray.

“Yeah, sure. Hold on.” He ran back into the living room to get his backpack and bedroll, before following Burnie to his car. He got in and they started out of the driveway and down the street. Burnie cleared his throat.

“You, uh… sorted everything out with Joel, then?” He said.

“Well… Maybe not everything. But last night, yes.”

“What did he say to you?”

“He said pretty much what you told me. He was nervous, he made a mistake. I had more reason to apologise than he did. I told him to fuck off.”

“Really? He didn’t mention that.”

“Yeah. I was… mad. I mean, it could have been a lot worse.”

“True. At least it’s not a big deal anymore.”

“Yeah. Maybe we can talk at school sometimes now, instead of sitting next to each other in silence.”

“Hopefully.”

Burnie dropped Ray off where he’d picked him up the night before. Ray said goodbye and unlocked the front door to let himself in. He ran upstairs immediately, desperately wanting a shower. He stood under the hot water with his head down, letting it soothe his sore neck and shoulders, rubbing at the aching muscles. It had been a long time since he’d been to a sleepover where he didn’t sleep in a bed or at least on a mattress. It was a lot more painful than he remembered. He got dressed quickly and went back downstairs, where his mother was sitting in the living room watching television. She turned as he came in.

“Hi, Ray. What did you dash upstairs for?” She asked.

“I had to take a shower, I didn’t have time at Burnie’s house.” He replied, sitting down next to her on the couch.

“Oh, really? Why was that?”

“Well, there were ten of us.”

“Ten? Really? See, I told you that you were going to be popular, didn’t I?”

“Yeah.”

“So, did you have a good time?” She asked, smiling.

“Yeah.” Ray replied, thinking about Joel. “I had a good time.”


	6. Chapter 6

Things seemed a little different when Ray went back to school on Monday. He couldn’t pinpoint it, but there was something much friendlier in the atmosphere. He spent most of his first period English class telling Michael about what had happened with Joel at Burnie’s place, and trying to explain the weird feeling that had arisen since they’d apologised. Michael just laughed quietly at that part. By lunch, the two of them were joking like normal, and Ray finally felt like he belonged here.

Unfortunately, school work didn’t stop, and Ray left the lunch table early that day to go to the library. He had an essay due the next morning, and wouldn’t have time to do all of it that night. He walked over to the bank of computers against the far wall, noticing that there was only one free, in the corner. His stomach dropped as he saw who was sitting next to it. Still, he didn’t have much choice. As he put down his backpack and sat down, he took a breath to steady his nerves.

“Hi, Joel.” He said. Joel spun around, eyes wide, to see who was talking to him. He broke into a smile when he saw Ray sitting next to him.

“Hey, Ray.” He replied. “How’re you doing?”

“I’m pretty good, thanks. What about you?”

“Yeah, I’m okay. What are you doing here?”

“I have a history essay.” He gestured at the PC, despite the fact it was still on the log in screen. “I don’t have time to finish it all tonight so I thought I’d get started now.”

“Oh, man. I haven’t taken history for a while. I forgot how annoying those essays are.”

“Oh, yeah, you’re doing an elective, right?”

“Yeah, performing arts. I’m… hopefully going into acting.” Joel looked down, flushing slightly. Ray smiled.

“That’s awesome! You’re gonna be an actor.”

“Like I said; hopefully.”

“Well, I bet you’ll do great. And you’ve got everything figured out. I still don’t know what I wanna do with my life.” Joel pulled the sleeves of his shirt down over his hands and looked up again.

“When I was your age I didn’t know what I wanted to do either.” Ray laughed, prompting a frown from Joel. “What?”

“Sorry, just… ‘When I was your age’. You sound like an old man.”

“Yeah.” Joel half-smiled. “I think I am an old man in my head.”

“Well, let’s hope you don’t go grey and wrinkly then.” Now it was Joel’s turn to laugh, a quiet, breathy sound that did something weird to Ray.

“Hopefully I’ve got a little time before that happens.” Joel reached over to Ray’s computer, still on the log in page, and tapped gently on the screen with one finger. “You should do some work, Ray. I don’t wanna think I’m distracting you.” Ray started back to reality.

“Right. Yeah.” He typed in his log in details and waited as the desktop loaded up. “So… you’re eighteen now.”

“Yeah, I am. What about it?”

“I don’t know, I just… Most eighteen year olds I know wouldn’t wanna hang out with fifteen and sixteen year olds.” Joel shrugged, bringing attention to his slouched posture.

“Most eighteen year olds aren’t friends with Burnie Burns, who knows every fucking person on the planet.”

“Yeah, okay, good point.”

“Also, it kind of comes from Geoff. He’s friends with Michael and Jack and everyone in that group and so we all just kind of melded together into one loud messy crowd.”

“Right. I forgot about Geoff being held back a year. I guess you don’t see him in classes anymore.”

“Well, I wouldn’t anyway; we took different electives. But we don’t see him as much, no. It kind of sucks.”

“And I guess when you go on to college, he’ll still be here.”

“Presumably, yeah.” Joel sighed. “Thanks, kid, you made me sad.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t-” Ray was cut off by Joel putting a hand on his arm and squeezing it.

“I was joking.” He said with a smile. Ray shrugged and Joel moved his hand away. They were quiet for a moment. It was difficult to think of anything else when his mind was buzzing. He finally got started on his essay, typing an introduction before Joel started the conversation up again:

“So… I don’t know much about you.”

“Nobody does.” Ray replied, wiggling his fingers in a parody of a magician’s flair. “I’m the great mystery at this place. Everyone wants to know more about me.” Joel just laughed.

“Alright. I can’t say much for everyone, but _I_ want to know more about you. So tell me.”

“What do you want to know?”

“I don’t know. Just stuff. Talk about yourself. If you can do that while you’re writing.”

“Alright.” Ray thought for a moment. “Well, I’m Puerto Rican, but I’ve only ever been there once, and I can’t remember because I was a little kid at the time. I lived in New York City my whole life until six weeks ago. I play video games. I love junk food. Uh…”

“What kind of video games do you like?”

“First person shooters are, like… my thing. I had a reputation for being good at them back home.”

“Okay. Carry on.”

“Um… I can’t really think of anything else.” He was hit with an idea and spoke before he changed his mind. “I’m gay. But I’ve never told anyone else that.” Joel looked at him, wide-eyed.

“Really?”

“Yeah. You’re not gonna be a jerk about it, are you?”

“No, no. God, no. It’s the twenty-first century, there are more important things than who you wanna fuck.”

“Okay. Good.” Ray sighed and put his head in his hands. “Why the _fuck_ did I tell you that?”

“I don’t know. But I’m grateful you trust me enough to do it. Even after Saturday night.” Ray didn’t reply, just sighed again. “If you wanna talk to me, you can. I mean… I can try and help you.” Again, there was no reply. “You’ve really never told anyone else?”

“No.” Ray finally lifted his head. “Not even my mom. I don’t know how she would react.”

“What about Michael, Gavin, those guys? Wouldn’t you tell them?”

“I’d be afraid they’d be… you know.”

“Well… If it’s any help to you, I know they’ve been okay with… someone else they know who came out as bi last year. I can’t tell you about Gavin but I’m sure the others would shut him down if he was rude.”

“How do you know that? Who was it?”

“Oh, I can’t… I was sworn to secrecy.” Ray sighed again.

“Helpful.”

“Listen.” Joel spun around in his chair so he was fully facing Ray. “The bell for next period’s gonna go soon. But I can give you my number if you want. You can text me or call me or whatever and we’ll talk. I still won’t be able to tell you who it was but I can try to help you somehow.” Ray looked up and caught Joel’s eyes, tried not to notice the way the light fell and reflected through the deep brown irises. He managed to nod and take out his phone. Joel gave him the number and he typed it in, before giving his own number in return. By now, lunch was almost over, and he quickly saved the introduction of his essay to the USB stick he carried around with him.

“I guess I’ll see you at lunch tomorrow.” He said as Joel picked up his backpack to leave.

“Yeah. I’ll text you when I’ve finished my work tonight.”

“Okay. See you later.”

“See you, Ray.” They left the library and went their separate ways, just as the bell rang for Ray’s math class.

*

As Ray walked out of school with Gavin and Michael that day, he found his mind wandering back to that lunch. He felt the familiar feeling in the pit of his stomach that seemed to come along every time he saw Joel. It was starting to feel like he had a few things to come to terms with in himself. Still, he tried not to think about it. Now wasn’t the time.

“Hey, Ray, did you ever get your essay done?” Gavin asked, jerking him out of his daydream.

“Uh, no. I got… side-tracked.” Ray replied.

“How much _did_ you get done?”

“The introduction.”

“Wow, how side-tracked did you get?”

“Very. I got talking to someone.”

“Who?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Now I think about it, you were pretty red-faced when you came into maths.”

“No I wasn’t.”

“You were! Who were you talking to? Come on!”

“Gavin, leave him alone. It’s none of your business.” Michael cut in. “I think he’s had enough pestering from everyone since the weekend.” Gavin sighed dramatically.

“Fine. The bus is here.” He nodded towards the yellow school bus. “Later, Ray.”

“Bye, Ray.” Michael and Gavin walked away as Ray waved them off, turning right out of the gate to make his way home. He quickly slipped back into his thoughts, letting himself rest in a fantasy world for a while. Today had been nice, but weird. It was nice to have some kind of escape for a while. Even if it wasn’t for long.

Ray was about halfway home when he heard someone shout his name. He looked up and froze as he realised who it was. Blaine stood on the sidewalk a few yards in front of him, a football in his hands, two of his friends and fellow football team members flanking him.

“Ray, buddy, it’s good to see you!” Blaine called. He waited, but Ray stayed unmoving. “I was gonna ask you to hold something for me, but… I guess not.”

“I’m not doing anything for you, Blaine.” Ray started moving again, aiming to sidestep them.

“Hey, hey. No. Stay there. I have something for you.” He turned as though he was going to take something out of his backpack. Instead, he spun back quickly and threw his football. It hit Ray square in the face, knocking him backwards. His glasses fell off as he landed on the back of his head. He gritted his teeth as pain shot through him. For a split second he thought he’d gone blind, before realising his glasses were on the ground next to him. He sat up and put them on, seeing Blaine and his friends laughing.

“You’re a fucking son of a bitch, you know that?” Ray yelled. He stood up on shaky legs and picked up the football, getting his balance for a second before pitching it back at Blaine. He caught it easily, and laughed again. Ray stormed over to him.

“Oh, man. You’re not very good at football, are you, kid? You think you’d be more suited a video game?” Ray saw red. Maybe it was blood. He wasn’t sure anymore. It didn’t matter.

“You don’t fucking get it, do you?” He asked, trying to get up in Blaine’s face. “You think football’s the ultimate goal for everyone? You think that’s, like, the optimum existence? To be a quarterback? You’re a fucking idiot. You know what? If I sat you down with a game of Halo, you’d be shit. I’d fucking destroy you. But you could challenge me to a game of football and I’d be shit.”

“Are you serious?” Blaine asked, still laughing.

“Yeah, I am! The point is, no one’s good at everything! I don’t get why you think it’s funny that I can’t catch a football when there are hundreds of things in the world that you couldn’t do and that you’d hurt yourself if you tried. You’re finding entertainment out of hurting people. And that’s just sad.” Blaine looked bemused for a moment, but Ray continued before he could speak. “And before you say something like ‘not everyone’s like that’, yes, everyone is like that. Especially narrow-minded, arrogant _assholes_ like you. So don’t fucking try something like this again. I’m not dealing with your shit.” He shoved the bigger kid out of the way with ease and walked away. His legs were shaky and his head hurt like hell. He only hoped he didn’t have concussion. He had to fight back tears the rest of the way back, tears of anger and frustration more than anything.

It wasn’t until he got home that he let the tears fall, letting his worried mother fuss around him as he told her, in shuddering breaths, what had happened. She gave him an ice pack for his head and had him lie down on the couch so that she could keep an eye on him. He wasn’t bleeding, and it didn’t look like he was concussed. The worst that had happened was a small scratch on his glasses. All in all, he was lucky. He knew that. Even so, he felt terrible.

When his mother finally gave him the go ahead to go upstairs, he didn’t want to do anything. He had skipped dinner, feeling nauseous. His head hurt too much to face sitting in front of a laptop doing his homework, or even to play games. Instead, he lay down on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out to look at it. A message from Joel.

_‘Hey, Ray, how are you?’_

He sighed and turned off his phone. Not tonight. He didn’t feel like talking to anyone tonight.


	7. Chapter 7

His mom made him take the next day off school, telling him to stay in bed and rest. Ray protested, but in all honesty he was happy for the chance to get away from school and catch up on sleep. Anyway, he didn’t want to run into Blaine again. He had managed to surprise him with his anger last night, but he was sure he didn’t stand a chance in a real fight. It was better that he was away for now, even if it was just today.

By the time Ray woke up on Wednesday morning, he felt a little more ready to face the world. He had left his phone turned off all day on Tuesday, and turned it on to see two more messages from Joel:

_‘You doing okay? Did you get my text last night?’_

_‘Hey, you weren’t at lunch? Are you alright? Let me know.’_

With a sigh, he quickly typed out a reply to the last text:

**‘i’m fine, don’t worry. something happened monday. i’ll tell you about it later’**

With that, he wandered downstairs, desperate for some aspirin. His head was killing him.

*

When Ray got to school, Joel and Adam were waiting for him outside the gates. He frowned when he saw them, confused. Joel was usually later than this. And what the hell was Adam doing here? Since when were he and Joel friends? He didn’t voice any of this, but walked up to them quickly.

“Hey.” He said. “What are you guys doing here?”

“I came to make sure you were okay.” Joel replied. “Adam wants to talk to you.”

“What about?”

“Blaine.” Adam said shortly. “Someone saw what happened to you and reported him to the principal, but she said that since it happened off-premises, there’s nothing they can do.”

“So does everyone know now?”

“No, it’s a pretty small matter. Blaine’s the one that told me.”

“Why would he tell you?”

“We’re… well, I guess you could call us friends. He’s not bad, when you get behind all that cocky shithead show he puts on.”

“Right. So…” Ray turned to Joel. “You don’t know what the fuck we’re talking about, do you?”

“Not really. I know Blaine did _something_.”

“He threw a football in my face when I was walking down the street. I fell on the back of my head.”

“Oh, fuck. That’s… Are you okay?”

“I have headache, but that’s all. I didn’t get concussion or anything. Just a scratch on my glasses.” He half smiled at Joel. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Right. As long as you’re sure.”

“Is there anything I should do?” Ray asked Adam. “Do I need to go see the principal?”

“I don’t think so. Maybe they’ll call you out of class today, but she was saying the matter was closed after talking to Blaine yesterday.”

“I bet he was fucking joking about it.”

“Actually, from what I saw, he was pretty serious. I don’t know if he thought he was going to get in trouble but he was not happy.”

“Wow. Well, I guess that’s kind of a good thing.”

“Yeah. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know. Hopefully if it hasn’t already blown over, it will do shortly.”

“Hopefully. Thanks, Adam.”

“Pleasure. See you two later.” Adam walked away, leaving Ray and Joel alone, standing close to the wall so they didn’t block the sidewalk. They were quiet for a moment, before Ray finally spoke up.

“Sorry I worried you not texting back yesterday.”

“Oh, it’s okay.” Joel waved a hand as if to brush away the apology. “Adam told me something had happened but wouldn’t tell me what; that worried me a lot more than you did.”

“Yeah, I didn’t know you and Adam were friends.”

“Well, you know. I did the standard ‘I’m too afraid to talk to you’ thing. And then he talked to me and suddenly we were friends. This was last year, when he was a freshman. And now he looks older than I do.”

“I thought he was a senior when we first met.”

“Nah. I might see him more often if he was. Then again, I doubt he’d be into performing arts, so maybe not.”

“Every time you talk about electives I get a little more afraid for the future.”

“Why?”

“Cause I don’t know what to do! It makes me panic. I’m a kid. I don’t wanna choose my entire life now, I’m dumb, I’ll mess it up!”

“You won’t mess it up. Even if you do, you can change and drop things if you need to.” Ray sighed.

“Yeah. I guess so.”

“Don’t think about the future now, anyway. What about now? How are things going for you, school-wise?”

“Well, you know.” Ray shrugged. “Some things are going good. English, physics, art, that’s all going okay. I still haven’t done that history essay. And French is just… awful.”

“Why French?”

“I’m just shit at it. I can’t remember any of the vocabulary, the pronunciation, any of it. I have to take a spoken exam at the end of the semester and I can’t do shit.”

“The semester’s only just started. You have plenty of time.”

“Yeah, but if I can’t do the basics it’s useless to me.” Joel nodded.

“Well… I mean, if you need some help, I could…. I aced French, I could help you.”

“That… would be really great, actually. Could we do it today?”

“Uh… Not in school. All my books and stuff are at home. Uh…” He shifted awkwardly. “If you want, you could come back to my place after school? You can stay for dinner and maybe play some video games if we have time. And I’ll try to teach you how to speak French.”

“Oh. I… that would be _really_ great. I’ll have to text my mom and make sure it’s okay, but she probably won’t mind.” Ray smiled. “Thanks, Joel.”

“You’re welcome. Can’t have you failing, can we?” He grinned in return and Ray felt a familiar flutter in his chest. Before he could say anything else, the school bus pulled up next to the gate and kids flooded out. They watched as a senior nearly flattened a freshman, who pulled up her backpack and flipped him off on her way past. She was followed by Michael, Gavin, and Jack, who piled off the bus and stopped in front of them.

“Ray! You’re back!” Gavin shouted excitedly. He leapt at Ray, wrapping his arms around him tightly.

“Whoa, whoa.” Ray laughed. “Just be careful, okay? Don’t touch the back of my head.”

“Why not?” Gavin asked, pulling away. “What happened?”

“I fucking… I fell over and hit my head.” He shortened the story for his own convenience. “I’m okay, it just hurts at the minute.”

“Did you have concussion?” Jack asked, worried.

“No, it wasn’t that bad. It was just… a really bad headache.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re okay now, dude.” Michael said. “We were worried.”

“I’m fine.”

“We should probably head in, the bell’s about to go.” Jack said.

“Yeah.” Joel agreed. “Uh, Ray, I’m gonna head off. I’ll see you later.”

“Sure. I’ll text you.” Joel smiled and walked away from the group, brushing his hand down Ray’s arm as he passed. It was almost certainly a subconscious action, but that didn’t stop it sending shivers down Ray’s spine. The group headed in for their first class, and Ray trailed at the back, trying to hide the blush that was spreading across his face.

*

Joel sat next to Ray that lunch, although with the antics of everyone else at the table, they didn’t get much chance to talk. There was a play fight going on between Michael and Gavin over who’s was the last fry stranded in the middle of the table. Gus was complaining too, mostly about why on earth they would want to eat something that had touched the tables, which were covered in bacteria. Ray couldn’t help but think that theirs must be the loudest table in the cafeteria, especially as Burnie leant over, picked up the fry, and ate it, leaving Gavin, Michael, and Gus all protesting vehemently.

“Burnie, that’s _so_ gross.” Joel said.

“Fuck you, I’ll be gross if I want to.” Burnie replied with his mouth full. He looked up behind Ray and his eyes widened. “Uh.” He pointed. Ray turned around in his seat and started as he saw Blaine standing behind him. Something was different, though. The cocky grin was gone, and his football team friends were nowhere to be seen.

“Ray, can I talk to you?” He asked. By now the table was quiet, everyone watching to see what Blaine was going to do today.

“I’m right here, I’m listening.” Ray replied.

“No, I mean… can I talk to you alone?”

“No. You can talk to me if I can bring someone else with me. I don’t trust you.” Blaine sighed.

“Fine.”

“I’ll come.” Burnie said, already getting up. Ray nodded and followed Blaine out of the cafeteria into the hallway. Burnie stuck close beside him, his presence a reassurance. Blaine stopped walking a few meters from the cafeteria doors, leaning on a locker, still looking sheepish.

“I wanted to apologise.” He said quietly. “You were right. What you said the other day, you were right. Not everyone’s good at everything and it’s… it was dumb for me to laugh at you for that.” He sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m not gonna… I’ll leave you alone from now on.”

“Alright.” Ray nodded. “I appreciate that. But that’s not… it’s not enough.”

“Can one of you explain what the hell is going on? Please?” Burnie said.

“I was walking home on Monday and he threw a football at my face. It knocked me over, I hit my head. He laughed at me for not being able to catch it and I tried to explain that people are all good at different things and he was being stupid, and here we are.”

“Wow, what a dickhead.” Burnie glared at Blaine.

“Anyway.” Ray continued. “Blaine, apologising isn’t enough. I’m not the only one you’ve hurt. I want you to leave _all_ of us alone. Including Burnie. I know you’ve got something against him, and god knows why, cause he’s the only reason you’re quarterback now. I don’t want to see you hurting _any_ of us anymore. Got it?”

“Yeah.” Blaine nodded. “I got it.”

“Alright. Good.”

“Does that mean we’re friends now? We’re cool?”

“I wouldn’t say we’re friends. But yeah. We’re cool.” Blaine held out his hand, and Ray shook it. “I guess you admitted to this when the principal spoke to you?”

“Yeah, I did. She couldn’t do anything cause it was off the school grounds, but… It was more of a moral thing really.” Ray nodded.

“Alright. We’re going to go back in.” Now it was Blaine’s turn to nod, and he walked away as Ray and Burnie made their way back into the cafeteria.

“That… was really weird.” Burnie said.

“Yeah it was. Hopefully it was enough to have him leave us all alone.”

*

Ray finally got around to texting Joel during his biology class that afternoon, hiding his phone under his desk.

**‘hi Joel’**

_‘Hey. How’s it going?’_ Joel’s reply was almost immediate.

**‘okay, i’m in bio rn. wanted to talk about tonight’**

_‘What about tonight?’_

**‘where we’re gonna meet, what time i’ll be home, that stuff’**

_‘We can meet at the gates at the end of the day if you want. As for when you’ll be home it depends what you want to do.’_

**‘your suggestion of learning, dinner, and video games sounded good’**

_‘Well, we’ll say something like 8pm for you going home. That should give us enough time.’_

**‘that sounds alright. i’ll check with my mom but i’m sure she’ll be fine with it’**

_‘Great. I’ll see you later then?’_

**‘yeah, looking forward to it :)’**

Ray’s biology teacher cleared her throat from the front of the room.

“Ray? I hope you’re not using your phone under the desk and you’re smiling at your crotch for some other reason.” There were a few laughs from around the room, and Ray looked up, face flushed. Still, he was excited. Joel’s question of ‘what you want to do’ had left him morbidly curious and strangely nervous. It was only a couple of hours until he got an answer.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got slightly out of hand so it's a little longer than usual. Also I apologise for all the gratuitous French in this chapter and the fact that I wrote it having not studied French for nearly two years. I did double check it all, though, so hopefully it's accurate. Enjoy!

Ray texted his mom before his final class ended to check it was okay to visit Joel’s house. With a little gentle persuasion and the information that Joel only lived five minutes away, she agreed, as long as he was home by nine. The final bell rang after what felt like an eternity, and he headed outside with Michael, Gavin, and Jack, secretly searching the crowd as he walked.

“I’m telling you, us three, we’re like… the lads.” Gavin said. “We’re young and sprightly and energetic and… and awesome.”

“Oh yeah?” Jack said disbelievingly. “So what are Ryan, Geoff, and I?”

“You’re… I don’t know… gents.”

“Gents?”

“Yeah. Like… gentlemen. Older and wiser and boring.” Jack laughed and half-heartedly reached to smack Gavin, who dodged easily, grinning.

“Asshole.” Jack grumbled.

“You guys are idiots.” Michael put in. “Ray, what the hell are you doing?” Ray slowly lowered himself from his tippy toes, how he’d been standing in an attempt to see over the crowd.

“I’m looking for Joel.”

“Why? We never see him at the end of the day. He gets out early, I think.”

“I know, but I’m meant to be going to his place tonight.” Gavin started snickering and covered his mouth with his hand to stifle the sound. “To _study_ , asshat.”

“Gavin, you’re so obnoxious.” Jack pushed him along as they kept walking. “Oh, hey, Ray, I think Joel’s over by the wall.” He pointed, and sure enough Ray saw him leaning on the wall next to the gate, his familiar slouched posture a giveaway despite the fact he was facing away from them.

“Oh, right. I’ll see you guys later.” He ran off through the crowd, dodging passers-by and avoiding the cars moving sluggishly through the busy parking lot. Finally he made it to Joel’s side and put a hand on his arm to get his attention. Joel turned with a smile.

“Hey. You have a good afternoon?”

“Good as it could be, I guess.”

“Good. Michael’s being rude, by the way.” Ray turned in time to see Michael making hand gestures at him across the parking lot. He flipped him off in return and shook his head.

“Anyway. Shall we go?”

“Sure.” Joel led him out of the gates and down the street Ray usually walked down to get home. Before the turning to his street, they crossed the road and turned left instead.

“Is this your street?” He asked.

“Yeah, it is. Why?”

“You really do live ridiculously close to me. I live on the street opposite.” Ray pointed in the opposite direction.

“Oh, that’s cool.” Joel said with a smile. “We’ll be able to visit each other whenever we want. I mean… if you want to.”

“Sure I do. I’m probably gonna need more than one evening of French tutoring, after all.” Joel laughed.

“True. I’m not sure my teaching skills are really up to scratch.”

“I’m not sure my learning ones are.” Ray followed Joel to the drive of a tall house, surrounded by a well-tended lawn and hedges. Everything was so immaculate, he was almost afraid to step on the gravel of the driveway in case he disturbed it.

“What are you doing?” Joel asked as Ray lagged behind. “Come on.” He waved his hand in a beckoning motion. Ray followed as he unlocked the front door.

“Should I take my shoes off?” He asked as he stepped inside.

“No, don’t worry about it.” Joel locked the door again and stuck his head through the nearest doorway. “Hey, dad.” He said. “I have a friend here. Can you tell mom when she comes home?” There was a muffled reply. “Okay, thanks. We’re going to study for a while before dinner.” Another reply. “Sure.” He leant back out of the room and closed the door.

“Is he okay with that?” Ray asked nervously.

“It’s fine.” Joel replied. “He’s used to it; I used to bring Burnie back here on short notice all the time.”

“But you don’t anymore?”

“Not so much; we’re both busy a lot. But sometimes, yeah. Come on, let’s go up to my room.” Ray nodded and followed Joel upstairs. He realised that the hallway downstairs had been deceptive of the size of the house. It seemed small and narrow, but the stairs led to an open landing which Ray was fairly sure was bigger than his own bedroom. As they went into a room on the right, he noticed another staircase at the end of the landing.

“Hey, do you have a third floor?” He asked.

“Yeah. There’s only two rooms up there, though.”

“Still, that’s pretty cool.” Ray followed Joel into his room, and found himself revelling at it. There was a lot of floor space between the bed and closet. Next to the closet stood a short set of shelves with a TV and Xbox on top and games inside. He noticed the way the light slanted in between the half-closed curtains, reflecting on dust motes that floated in the air. It was impressive, and Ray suddenly dreaded the day he would have to show Joel his own, small, messy bedroom.

“So… What do you think?” Joel asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“I think it’s awesome.” Ray replied, grinning. “You have a really cool place.”

“Thanks. You can just dump your stuff wherever, by the way.” Ray nodded and put his backpack down next to the desk in the corner.

“Alright. Should we get down to some French, then, or…?”

“Oh, right.” Joel jumped up from the bed and opened his closet. “Just don’t look in here. It’s not exactly as neat as everything else.” He moved stuff around for a minute, before pulling out a cardboard box, which he dumped on the bed. “These are all my old books and notes. My French stuff is here somewhere; hopefully I still have the vocab sheets.”

“Do you want me to help you look?”

“Sure.” Joel kicked the closet shut and sat back down on the bed, opening the box. Ray joined him on the bed and pulled out the first book. Physics. Nope. He put it aside and continued.

Finally, the two of them managed to find the French books, in typical fashion, at the very bottom of the box. By the time the rest of the books had been returned to the closet, Ray had descended from the bed and was sitting on the rug. He had a sudden vivid impression of an elementary school kid waiting to be read a story.

“So where do we start?” He asked.

“Well, what are you working on in class right now?” Joel replied with another question.

“A couple things. Stuff to do with school work. Past tense verbs, I think? And opinions.”

“Opinions?”

“Yeah, like… I like it, I hate it, whatever.”

“Okay. Shall I test you on those then?” Ray shrugged.

“You can try.”

“Alright. How do you say ‘I like’?”

“Uh… J’aime.”

“Right. ‘I hate’?”

“Je… de… fuck.” He thought about it for a moment. “Je déteste.”

“Yeah. But you have to enunciate that accent. It’s more of an ‘a’ sound. Déteste.” He demonstrated.

“Je déteste.” Ray repeated.

“Good.” Joel scanned down the list of words some more. “I love?”

“Oh, I know that one. J’adore.” Joel smiled.

“You do know that. Got the pronunciation perfect as well.”

“That one was easy to remember.” Ray shrugged. “Look, I think I’m okay on these. What about the school words?”

“Sure.” Joel flipped the page a few times and found the right vocabulary. “I’m gonna give you the French words this time. What’s ‘l’élève’?”

“Oh my god. I don’t know.” He covered his face with his hands. “I bet that one’s super simple too.”

“Uh, it’s fairly simple. It means student.”

“Fuck. Okay, what was that?”

“L’élève.”

“L’élève. Alright.”

“Good pronunciation, at least.” Joel smiled hopefully. “What about… le lycée?”

“Oh, shit. That’s, like… high school?”

“Yeah, that’s it! That’s great. Say it?”

“Le lycée.”

“Great.”

“Listen, Joel, no offence, this is… fuckin’ boring. Can we, just, like, try and have a conversation?”

“I thought you’d just started learning French?”

“No, I’ve been learning it for a few years back in New York. I know a little, I can at least try? And you’re pretty much fluent, so…”

“Well, I wouldn’t say fluent, really. High school language education basically gets you the fluency of a third grader. But, yeah, I guess we can try.”

“Okay. You start.”

“What with?”

“I don’t know. Just like, talk about yourself.”

“Oh, fucking hell.” Joel sighed. “Je m’appelle Joel, j’ai dix-huit ans. J’habite à Austin, dans les États-Unis. J’ai un frère, et j’habite avec ma mère et mon père. Mes amis habitent à Austin aussi, et nous allons ensemble à le lycée. À le week-end, nous rencontrons et nous faisons des choses stupides.” Ray smiled, impressed at the perfect accent that Joel had recited the words with, even if he hadn’t understood all of it.

“That was awesome.” He said. “Did you say ‘we do stupid things’ at the end?”

“Yeah. I mean, it’s true.” He shrugged. “Anyway. It’s your turn.”

“Can you tell me the sort of thing you said? So I can do kind of the same?”

“Start with your name, age, where you live, your family, and something about school.”

“Okay.” Ray took a deep breath. “Je m’appelle Ray. J’ai… seize ans? J’habite avec ma mère dans Austin, et… mes parents… fuck. How do you say divorced?”

“Uh… divorcé.”

“Thanks. Mes parents sont divorcé. J’aime le lycée, mais c’est… quelquefois… difficile. Mon jour… fuck… mon jour préféré est mardi… parce que… je vois mes amis… meilleurs.” Ray finished. “That was pitiful, wasn’t it?”

“It wasn’t bad actually. Your pronunciation still needs some work, but you’re doing okay with grammar and stuff. I would have used à rather than dans for ‘in Austin’, and rencontrer instead of voire for ‘seeing’ friends, but… yeah. That was good.” Joel smiled. “If you keep at it, you’ll do fine in your speaking exam.”

“Maybe if you keep teaching me.”

“I didn’t really teach you much. That was mostly you.” Ray sighed and lay back on the rug, looking at the ceiling.

“I guess. I still want you to teach me though.” He sat up. “If you want to, obviously.”

“I don’t mind. As long as I still have time I’ll keep teaching you.”

“Thanks, Joel.” Ray lay down again. “I think we make a pretty good team.”

“If you can call it a team. More like a haphazard pair of idiots.”

“Well, yeah. But you know. Team sounds a little more… cooperative.”

“True. Come on, let’s get on with this. What do you know about forming the past tense?”

*

Joel’s mother came home while they were still speaking to each other in broken French. Apparently his father had told her Ray was here, as she referred to them as ‘you two’ when she called them down for dinner at about six. Ray let Joel lead the way to the table and happily let him grab his shoulders and steer him into a seat when he hesitated. They were served roast chicken and vegetables, and he immediately started to eat.

“So, do you want to introduce yourself?” Joel’s mom asked. Ray swallowed his mouthful quickly and coughed.

“Yeah, sorry. My name’s Ray.”

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Ray. Are you gonna be able to get home alright tonight? I can drive you if you need me to.”

“Oh, no, it’s okay. I live just across the street, really; I can walk.”

“Oh, really? I’ve not seen you around before.”

“Ray just moved here a few weeks ago.” Joel said, giving Ray time to inhale some more chicken between sentences.

“Are you fitting in okay at school? What elective are you doing?” Joel and Ray exchanged a brief glance.

“Uh, I’m fitting in okay. But I’m not doing an elective yet.”

“Why is that?” She asked with a confused frown.

“Uh, I’m actually a sophomore. I haven’t chosen my elective.”

“Oh, right. Okay. Do you know what you want to do?”

“Not really. Not yet.”

“Mom, stop questioning him. He’s gotta have time to eat.” Joel said.

“No, it’s… it’s fine.” Ray protested weakly, but Joel’s mom was already looking apologetic.

“I’m sorry, sorry. You keep eating.” She stopped asking questions. However, his dad, who up until now had been silent, spoke:

“So, are you two-”

“No.” Joel cut him off. “Don’t you dare ask that question, dad.”

“I was just curious.”

“Well be curious later then!” Joel was visibly flustered, and his dad chuckled.

“Sorry.” He said, in a tone that suggested he wasn’t sorry at all. Ray was thoroughly confused by the whole situation, but was too busy eating to worry about it too much. It was only when they both finished and were excused from the table that he thought to ask. As they climbed the stairs again, he said:

“Hey, what was your dad gonna ask at dinner?” Joel just sighed heavily and didn’t reply. It wasn’t until they got back to his room that he finally spoke.

“Come sit over here with me.” He threw himself down on the bed. Ray obediently sat on the edge of the mattress.

“Well?” Joel sighed again.

“Remember the other day when we talked in the library? And you told me that you were…”

“That I was gay? Yeah. I remember. What about it?”

“Well, I’m not gay. I’m bisexual. But I came out to my parents a long time ago and they’ve been… like that… ever since.”

“Like what?”

“They question every single person I bring to the house, whether they’re male or female. And my dad was going to ask if we were dating. He thinks it’s a big joke.” Ray felt his stomach drop. The words _I wish we were_ sat on his tongue ready to be blurted out if he let his guard down. Instead he managed to swallow the thought and reply:

“That really sucks.”

“Yeah. I mean, they’re okay with it, they haven’t changed the way they treat me other than that. They just don’t know how to deal with it. Also they’re convinced I’m lonely all the time.”

“Why?”

“Well, when I’m not at school, I’m here on my own most of the time. My parents are usually out working during the day, and my brother moved out a year ago so I don’t have him to talk to anymore. I don’t mind, though.”

“You have a three storey house to yourself. That’s probably not a bad thing.”

“It is at night when you’re paranoid about every single noise. But when you’re introverted and it’s daylight and it’s empty, it’s really nice.” He shrugged. “I think they’re just looking out for me. They don’t want me to be lonely. But even so, it’s a little… stifling.”

“Sounds like it.” Ray replied, not sure what to say. He reached out and patted Joel’s shoulder. “I’m sure if you give it time they’ll realise that you don’t mind being alone.”

“I hope so. But then again, it’s like… I don’t wanna be alone forever. Just sometimes I need to be on my own in a quiet room for an hour or two.”

“I know how you feel.” Joel nodded and half-smiled.

“Yeah. Anyway. This is depressing. You down for some video games?”

“Absolutely.”

*

It seemed like mere minutes until Joel and Ray’s game of Left 4 Dead was interrupted. However, when Ray looked at his phone to see who had texted him, he saw that it was past eight pm. He read the text from his mother and recognised her vague, passive-sounding worry:

_‘When did you say you would be home?’_

**‘By nine. I’ll probably be leaving in a few minutes.’** He replied. He turned to Joel, who had paused the game to allow Ray to check his phone.

“Hey, uh, my mom’s getting nervous. I should probably head off.”

“Oh, really?” Joel’s shoulders slumped. “That sucks.”

“Yeah. But there’s plenty of other times.”

“True. Get your stuff together, then. I’ll walk you home.”

“Oh, you don’t need to-”

“I’m gonna walk you home. It’s pretty much dark, I’d rather know you’re okay.”

“Fine. Hey, do you mind if I take that French book with me? To help me study?”

“Yeah, sure, that’s fine.” He threw it to Ray from across the room as he turned off his Xbox and put away the controllers. Ray slipped the book into his backpack and zipped it up before putting it over his shoulder. “You ready to go?” Joel asked.

“Sure.” They went downstairs again, with Joel calling to his mother that he would be back in ten minutes. He unlocked the door and they walked out into the street. The air was cool, but not unpleasantly so, and fresh. The final fading light of the sunset was dyeing the horizon orange, yet a few faint and flickering stars could be seen overhead. There was a word for this sort of night, one that Ray struggled to reach for a moment. Ah. That was it.

Romantic.

They strolled in silence for a while, listening to crickets chirping in the verges. Finally, Ray spoke again:

“You never did show me the third floor of your house.”

“No, I didn’t.” Joel replied quietly. “Well, like you said, there’s… plenty of other times. You can come over again, I’ll show you.”

“I’ll look forward to it.”

“Which way is it now?” Joel asked as he stopped at a fork in the sidewalk.

“Straight on.” They kept walking, until Ray finally pulled Joel to a stop in front of his house, so small and unimportant looking compared to Joel’s place.

“Alright then.” Joel said awkwardly.

“Hey, Joel.” Ray took a deep breath, making sure he was remembering the words in his head correctly. “Bonne nuit.” Joel broke into a grin, looking down at the pavement illuminated by the nearby streetlamps.

“You’re ridiculous.” He laughed, and sighed happily. “Bonne nuit, Ray. Les étoiles aiment-vous, comme je fais.” He hugged him, a quick but warm moment of contact that left Ray reeling, his lungs full of his scent and his hands shaking.

“Hey, what did that last part mean?” He asked.

“You can figure that out for yourself.” Joel replied. “You’ve got the book, after all.” He grinned again. “Bye, Ray. See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah. See you.” He watched as Joel walked away, his tall figure passing through the pools of light under several streetlamps before finally receding into the dusk.


	9. Chapter 9

It took Ray almost two months and several more French tutoring sessions to work out what Joel had said to him that night. By then he was too flustered and embarrassed to say anything. Over time he had come to terms with his feelings for Joel, but declared to himself that it must be a lost cause. That just because Joel was bi didn’t mean there was hope he would really be attracted to him. What he had said was just for show; after all, he hadn’t mentioned it again either. Still, they spent a lot of time together, hanging out on weekends. Being so close, it was easy for them.

Since the first time Ray had visited Joel’s place, Gavin had slowly let up on teasing him about it. This was mostly because he was excited. He had a friend from the UK, a boy called Dan, who was scheduled to visit him around Thanksgiving. Gavin, of course, hadn’t stopped talking about it since the beginning of November, much to Michael’s chagrin, since he was the one whose house was now to be invaded by two British kids. Still, he was taking it in his stride, and by the time the others finally met Dan, it looked as though they were friendly.

A second meeting took place on the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Ray, Michael, Gavin, Dan, Ryan, Geoff, and Joel all sat in the park a few blocks away from school. It was fairly early, but there were still kids on the play equipment in the middle of the grassy area. Instead, they sat under the bare trees in the back corner, wrapped up in hoodies and coats. It was finally getting really cold in Austin, and even in his thick hoodie, Ray shivered.

“So, it’s my birthday soon.” Ryan said, a grin on his face. “And my dad’s out of town. Which means I have the house to myself.”

“What are you planning, Ryan?” Geoff asked cautiously.

“Well, I figured a party was in order.”

“What kind of party?”

“One that’s… a little bigger than usual, shall we say.”

“When will it be? Is it gonna be before Dan goes home?” Gavin asked.

“I think so. It’ll be on the 6th of December, that’s my birthday.”

“Yeah, that’s before I go home.” Dan nodded. “That’s cool. As long as I’m invited, obviously.”

“Of course you’re invited. Everyone’s invited.”

“Everyone being… who?” Michael asked. “Cause eleven people isn’t a very big party.”

“No, no. More than that. I’m basically gonna invite everyone we’re friendly with and let some of those people bring a plus-one if they want.”

“Jesus Christ. Is your house big enough for that?”

“You’ve seen it, you tell me.”

“Yeah, you know, that’s a good point. You might be right.”

“I am right. So, you all game?” There was a mumble of yes’s from the group. “Joel, what about you? I know you’re… not great with people you don’t know.”

“I mean… I can probably cope.” Joel shrugged. “I’ll be hanging around with people I do know so, yeah. Is this gonna be an overnight kind of deal?”

“For our groups, sure. And significant others, if necessary; there’s plenty of rooms to sleep in. I’m gonna have to throw everyone else out, though. Hopefully most people can get a ride or something.”

“Does that… does that include me?” Dan asked, looking uncertain.

“Yeah, sure.” Ryan replied, slapping him on the back. “You’re part of our group while you’re here.”

“See, B, I told you!” Gavin said loudly.

“Hey, Ray, you didn’t say if you were coming.” Ray jumped as if someone had hit him. In truth, he’d been absorbed in his own thoughts, but stammered out a reply:

“Uh, y-yeah. I’ll have to lie and tell my mom it’s a small thing, but it should be okay.”

“Good.” Ryan moved to talking about food and drinks for the party. Ray slipped back into his daydream. In truth, he’d been thinking about Joel. He hadn’t seen him since Tuesday, and they had only spoken as part of the group so far. It was tempting to shift closer to him in their spot in the circle, to lean on his shoulder, feel his warmth through the worn black hoodie he wore all the time in cold weather. But it wasn’t something he would dare to do in front of the others. Or maybe even at all.

He’d been daring enough, several times, to brush his hand ‘accidentally’ over Joel’s, or play with his hair, silly things that could be seen as friendly and joking. Leaning on his shoulder might be seen the same way. He wasn’t sure. All he knew was that he wanted to, desperately. He craved closeness. For now, at least, it was a fruitless wish; that wasn’t how things were. He just wished he didn’t have to keep telling himself that.

Ray resurfaced from his pensive state to hear Ryan still talking:

“…My dad has a liquor cabinet he hasn’t touched in at least a year, and I know for sure he won’t miss anything I take. There’s also a big stash of beer in the basement.”

“What about… if we don’t wanna drink?” Ray asked.

“Uh… I mean, I’ll grab some soda and stuff to mix drinks anyway, so you can drink that. Do you not want to drink?”

“I don’t like the taste.”

“Okay. Well, tell you what: You can have the soda, and I’ll also try to find you something that doesn’t taste of alcohol so you can get drunk with us. Yeah?”

“Uh… sure. Thanks.”

“You’re lucky you already have all this stuff.” Geoff said. “When I had a party like that I had to get my cousin in on it and bribe him to buy stuff for me.”

“My mom left a few good things behind when she left.” Ryan replied. “Anyway, I’m lucky in a lot of respects when it comes to having a party. Living in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere, for a start.”

“Why is that a good thing?” Gavin asked. “Everyone’ll get lost, won’t they?”

“Yeah, but what Ryan’s getting at is the cops.” Michael said. “If there’s no one around, there’s no one to call the cops on a noise complaint. And that way the cops don’t walk in on a house full of underage kids drunk off their asses.”

“Oh.” Gavin gasped like he was having an epiphany. “But how are we gonna get there?”

“I could maybe drive you guys, if you’re alright with sharing a car with Gus and Joel.” Geoff said. “No, wait. That won’t work, not with Dan. And if Griffon comes I’ll drive her as well.”

“We could ask Matt, but after last time he might not want to.”

“Yeah, no kidding. You were a pain in the ass.” Michael said. “We’ll work it out. We’ve got a week.” Ray sighed as he thought about who was going to drive him. He hated asking; it always felt rude. Then again… He thought for a moment.

“Hey, Joel,” He said, “Do you drive?”

“No, not yet.” Joel replied. “I’ve got a car, and I’ve taken a few lessons, but they were expensive, and I’ve got no way to maintain the car without a job and income. So I stopped taking them for now.”

“Oh.”

“Were you gonna ask me to drive you?”

“Yeah. I mean, you’re right across the street, it’s easy, right?”

“Right. Sorry to disappoint you.”

“No, it’s… no problem.” Ray was quiet again as more discussions began, separate across the group now. Michael, Gavin, and Dan were talking about asking Michael’s mom for a ride. Geoff and Ryan were hypothesising Adam’s usefulness as a kind of bouncer if they bribed him beforehand.

“Are you okay?” Joel said softly. Ray looked up to find him gazing at him, dark eyes looking worried.

“I’m fine. Why?”

“You just look distracted.”

“Yeah, I am, a little.”

“Why, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong. I’m just thinking about the party. I’ve never been to anything this big before, I don’t know if I’ll enjoy it.”

“I’ve been to something this big, and let me tell you; it’s overrated.”

“Why?”

“It’s crowded, loud, messy, and believe me, if you’re nervous, it makes you feel like shit.”

“Oh, great. You’re really increasing my confidence.”

“It’s alright. It’ll be good; just don’t get caught up in a crowd of strangers, it _sucks_. Stick with your friends and you’ll be fine.”

“Even if I get drunk?”

“Even if you get drunk. Are you going to?”

“Probably not. Just checking. Ryan seems to want me to.”

“Being drunk? Also overrated.” He paused. “I’m still gonna do it though.” Ray laughed

“Well, I’ll remember that in case you say something weird.”

“I don’t need to be drunk to say something weird.”

“Joel, did you say you were coming or not?” Ryan asked.

“I don’t know yet.” Joel replied, eyes flicking up to see Ryan. “Why?”

“Just wondering how much sleeping space I’ll need to put aside. Ray, you probably are, those three are, Geoff is… Oh, fuck it. I’ll deal with it next week. I need everyone here.”

“Why didn’t the others turn up, anyway?” Michael asked. “We’re missing a gent and half the seniors.”

“Jack couldn’t get away from family stuff, I know, cause I asked him to drive me here; I had to get my dad to bring me.” Ryan replied. “I don’t know about the others.”

“Gus fuckin’ flatly refused when I asked if he was coming.” Geoff said. “And I think Matt was stuck in family stuff as well.”

“Burnie’s sick.” Joel put in. “He called me this morning and it sounds like his vocal cords are staging a rebellion.” There was laughter at that.

“Okay. But they should all be alright to come to the party.”

“Sounds like it.”

“Well, then. Looks like we’ve got ourselves a plan.” Ryan rubbed his hands together in glee. “It’s gonna be a good one, boys.”

*

The park meeting ended around twelve when Michael’s mother called asking where he, Gavin, and Dan were. Geoff grumbled as he let them pile into his car and drove away. With half of them gone, the discussion was quiet and half-hearted, and Ryan decided to call his dad to take him home again. Joel and Ray stayed with him until the silver car pulled up to pick him up, before making their way out of the park. As they walked, Ray snuck glances at Joel, the way he walked with his hands in his pockets to guard against the chilly air, and how every third glance rewarded him with one in return.

“So, Ray.” Joel said. “When you coming over to learn some more French?”

“I don’t know. When do you want me?” Ray replied.

“Maybe we should wait until after the party. I think we’re gonna be distracted otherwise.”

“Yeah, that might be a good idea. We can say, like, the Friday after the party or something?”

“Sure, sounds good. You’ll have your exam… what, a week after that?”

“Yeah, something like that. Not feeling so bad about it anymore, though.”

“No? I guess if nothing else I’ve taught you some confidence at least.”

“No, I think you’ve taught me a lot. I mean, I’ve got better grades since we started this. Admittedly I’ve only gone up from a D to a C but… that’s something.”

“Yeah, it’s great. You’ve been doing really well, I’m proud of you.” Joel smiled and Ray ducked his head as he smiled back. He changed the subject.

“So… the party.”

“The party. Are you about to ask me if I’m going, cause I already said I don’t know.”

“Okay, I’ll change the question: Are you gonna _try_ to go?” Joel sighed.

“I’m not sure. Big parties are not really my thing.”

“But we’re gonna stick together! It’ll be great.” Ray pulled his best puppy-eyes face. “C’mon, Joel. Please?” Joel shook his head, trying not to smile.

“You’re such a dork.” He muttered. “Fine. I’ll ask my parents. But what are you gonna do if they say no?”

“I’ll stick with the others.” Ray shrugged. “I’ll miss you, but you know.”

“You’ll miss me. Well, I guess that’s something.” Joel paused for a moment. “Do you think people see us in the street and think we’re weird?” He asked.

“What? No, why?”

“Well, you know, it’s… I’m a weird-looking, anxious, neurotic senior and you’re a… a sophomore who doesn’t seem to have a care in the world and… it’s weird. We’re weird.” Ray laughed.

“For a start, you’re not weird-looking. Also, people don’t look at us and know all that stuff. They don’t know you’re a senior and I’m not, they don’t know you’re anxious, and let me tell you, I have plenty of cares in the world, but they don’t know that either. We’re not weird.”

“What cares do you have in the world then?” Joel asked, brushing his hair back off his face, leaving Ray distracted for a second.

“I mean… a lot of things, really. A lot of people.”

“Like who?”

“My mom, my dad, my family in general, my friends.”

“Like me?” Ray laughed.

“Are you just trying to get me to say I care about you?” Joel nodded unabashedly. “Yeah, I care about you. I do.”

“I care about you, too, Ray.” He grinned, obviously proud of himself. They were nearing the split in the road that meant it was almost time they went their separate ways. Their steps slowed down as Ray prepared to cross the street.

“I guess I’ll probably see you Tuesday.” He said.

“I’ll be in the library Monday if you want an answer about the party sooner?” Joel replied. “If you don’t wanna bother going up there, though, it’s fine.”

“No, it’s cool. I’ll come and find you.”

“Okay. See you then.” They hugged, and as they separated Ray felt the familiar shiver from the hand Joel absent-mindedly trailed down his arm.

“Bye, Joel.” He said. He waved as he crossed the road to make his way down his street. As he reached the curb, he turned, but Joel was already gone, halfway down his own street.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry about this chapter being late; I had a sleepless night on Thursday and last night I passed out around 7pm and forgot to post it. This is more of a filler chapter than anything, so it's a little shorter than usual, but hopefully just as good. Enjoy!

Over the weekend, Ray persuaded his mom to let him go to the party, as long as he found someone to drive him there and back again the next day. Another condition was that he didn’t drink, but Ray told himself that was less of an issue. After all, he didn’t plan to get properly drunk. Just a little tipsy. He sent Ryan a Facebook message with the news and received a happy thanks in return. By Monday, he was really starting to look forward to the party. It was still a little formidable, but he was sure he would be fine. Now he just needed one more thing.

He had texted Joel and checked that they were still okay to meet up on Monday in the library and got a confirmation. So, after he had eaten with the others, he headed upstairs, dodging a passing senior with an armful of books. He looked around the library, not finding Joel sitting at the computers or at one of the tables doing work. Finally, he spotted him, sitting on the floor next to one of the armchairs in the corner, leaning on the wall. He headed over and stood next to him.

“Hey, Joel.” He said. Joel looked up from the book in his hands and smiled.

“Hi. Do you wanna sit down?” He asked.

“Sure.” Ray put down his backpack and sat down on the floor opposite him. “What are you doing down here?”

“Well, I didn’t have any work to do today, so I’m just hanging out.”

“Why _do_ you come here on Mondays? You never told me.”

“Everyone else is busy on Mondays. Matt has band practise, Gus has a junior he tutors on Mondays. Geoff always sits with you guys anyway. Burnie used to have football practise, but nowadays he just goes to the gym.”

“You could just come and sit with us on Mondays.”

“Well, I usually take the chance to do homework or something. Today I just came up here because we arranged to meet here. Otherwise I would have come to sit with you.” He shrugged.

“Okay then.” Ray paused. “So. About the party…”

“Yeah. The party.”

“Are you coming, or not?”

“I think so. I don’t know who I’m going to ask to drive me, but as long as I find someone I should be coming.” Ray couldn’t stop himself from smiling at the news.

“That’s great. I’m the same way, though, I don’t have anyone to drive me. I was thinking about asking Burnie.”

“That might be a good idea, actually. He should be able to take us both, shouldn’t he? I mean, he’ll take Ashley as well, but… Yeah. I’ll ask him later.” Joel nodded. “Hopefully he’s sober enough to drive us home in the morning.”

“Hopefully. That was one of my mom’s conditions for letting me go.”

“I’m surprised she let you go at all. I mean, come on, a junior’s holding a party and a bunch of people you know and a bunch of people you don’t are all gonna pile into his house and get drunk.”

“I didn’t tell her all of that. She doesn’t know Ryan’s older than me, she doesn’t know it’ll be any more people than Burnie’s party was, and she made me promise not to drink.”

“And are you gonna… go through with that?” Joel looked a little concerned suddenly.

“Probably not. I mean, I don’t wanna get really drunk. I just kind of want to see what it’s like.”

“Like I told you, it’s overrated. But it’s not bad. Anyway, I’ll look out for you.” Ray laughed.

“You will if you’re not so drunk you can’t stand.”

“I won’t be _that_ bad. Or I don’t think I will, anyway.”

“So…” Ray looked at Joel, who raised his eyebrows and smiled. “What are you gonna do with yourself all night?”

“What do you mean, Ray?”

“I mean, what’s your plan of action? Who are you gonna hang out with, what are you gonna do?”

“Well, I kind of wanna stick with our group as much as I can. Although, y’know… People sneak off. I’m sure Burnie and Ashley will.”

“You planning to sneak off yourself?” Ray asked, and Joel glanced straight at him, a split second moment of eye contact that seemed to go right through him.

“I don’t know, yet.” He replied. “I mean… things happen at this kind of party.” Ray’s stomach dropped as he saw the half-smile flashed at him.

“What… What kind of thing?”

“You watch. We’ll come back to school the week after and someone’ll have broken up with their girlfriend or boyfriend. And there’ll be a new couple or two as well, you can bet on it.” Another glance in Ray’s direction. “People do weird things when they drink.”

“I don’t know if I should be worried or hopeful about that.” Joel laughed.

“Well, you don’t have anyone to break up with. Or… not as far as I know. Do you have anyone to break up with? I never thought to ask.” Now it was Ray’s turn to laugh at Joel’s babbling.

“No, I don’t. It’s hard to get a boyfriend when you’re firmly in the closet.”

“You’re not so in the closet anymore. I know.”

“You’re one person, Joel. I know a lot of people.”

“But I’m a very important person.” He looked pointedly at Ray, who broke his gaze as he blushed. He heard Joel snickering and flipped him off. “What?”

“I… You suck.”

“I know.” Ray looked up again to see Joel leaning in towards him, and breathed in sharply.

“So, uh… I mean…” He tried to get his mind back on track and his jumbled thoughts went back to the party. “What kind of thing should we wear for the party, do you think?”

“Oh, god. Who knows?” Joel leant back again, slouched against the wall. “I doubt it’s going to be formal. Probably just casual.”

“Yeah, I guess. Maybe I’ll just wear a game shirt or something.” Joel nodded, looking pensive.

“You know, I might mix things up a little and wear a button down. Smarten up a bit.” Ray raised his eyebrows.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I’ll probably regret it when I’m drunk but… whatever. I might as well look good.” The bell for the end of lunch rang, making both of them jump. They stood up from the floor and collected their stuff together.

“Guess I’ll see you later.” Ray said as they left the library.

“Yeah, see you tomorrow. Gotta run.” He leaned down and kissed Ray’s forehead before taking off. For a moment he just stood there in the library doorway staring at nothing. Someone pushed past him with a rude ‘ex _cuse_ me’, and he jerked out of his reverie, hurrying away towards his math class.

Gavin’s first comment upon his arrival in the class was a very loud:

“God, Ray, your face is _really_ red! What happened?” Not feeling like explaining, he sat down and replied:

“Nothing. I embarrassed myself.”

“What the hell did you do?”

“I fucking… I fell over in the middle of the library.” Gavin looked at him with an eyebrow raised.

“Right. Anyway, how did your meeting with Joel go?” Hearing his name, Ray’s heart fluttered again.

“Uh, it was… yeah, it was fine.” He managed to answer. “He should be coming to the party, at least.”

“Oh, that’s great! Has he got anyone to drive him yet?”

“Not yet. We’re probably gonna ask Burnie to drive us both.”

“Really?” Another weird look was throw his way. Ray just nodded, and Gavin sighed. “God, I can’t wait for this lesson to end. I wanna go home and see Dan again. It sucks having to come to school and leave him on his own all day…” Ray listened to him talk. It was easier. It kept him out of scrutiny.

*

By Tuesday lunch, Ray was almost shaking in anticipation of seeing Joel again. Of course, the forehead kiss could just have been a friendly thing; it would usually be construed as such. Still, something in Ray suspected that it wasn’t anymore. He didn’t dare tell anyone about it to ask their opinions.  However, as he sat down in his usual place next to Joel at the table, nothing seemed to have changed. He was greeted with the usual smile and assimilated into the conversation.

“Hey, Ray,” Burnie said, “Joel said you might need a ride to the party on Saturday.”

“Oh. Yeah, I think so. As long as that’s okay?” Ray replied.

“Well, if I’m picking him up, I might as well take you too.”

“Okay. Thanks. What time would you wanna pick me up?”

“I don’t know.” Burnie turned to Ryan, at the other end of the table. “Ryan, what time does your party start?”

“6pm Saturday.” Ryan replied.

“Alright, thanks. So, I can pick you up about five fifteen?”

“Sure, sounds good.”

“Joel, can you make that?”

“I think so.”

“Alright then. And if I’m late you can blame Ash cause I’ll be picking her up first.”

“Sure, Burns. Blame your girlfriend.” Joel laughed before looking down the table to see Ryan and calling to him again. “Hey, Ryan, is there any kind of dress code for this party?” Ryan snorted.

“Please, Joel. Do I look like the kind of man to set a dress code? Nah. Wear what you like.”

“Alright, thanks.”

“Still going ahead with the button-down idea?” Ray asked. Burnie nearly choked on his food as he laughed.

“You’re wearing a button-down? You’re gonna look ridiculous!” He exclaimed.

“I just thought it’d be nice to look smart.” Joel replied.

“Well, you go ahead and do that. But don’t complain when it’s 3am and you’re drunk and uncomfortable as fuck.”

“I don’t think you’ll be seeing me around by 3am.”

“Why, you planning to have passed out by then?”

“Maybe. Or I might be doing… something else.” He glanced at Ray and smirked, leaving him dazed. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t even know if anyone else had noticed that little departure from the conversation. He guessed not, as Burnie just kept teasing him about the shirt. Still, if he was implying what he thought he was… it was a bold claim. And one that probably wouldn’t go ahead. Even so, it made Ray nervous in a way he wasn’t sure he minded.


	11. Chapter 11

By Saturday afternoon, Ray felt about as highly strung as Joel had been the first two weeks he’d known him. The prospect of a large party with a bunch of alcohol and people he didn’t know was worrying. And then there was Joel himself to think about. They had been talking all week, and somehow every conversation slipped back into flirtatious comments and occasional backtracking that confused the hell out of Ray.

Now he was waiting on the curb outside his house again, backpack full of clean clothes on his shoulder. He had vivid memories of the last time he’d done this, before Burnie’s party. That had been a blessing wrapped up in a disaster, a horrible beginning to a pleasant end. He just hoped that this party would go a little smoother. Then again, with alcohol involved, who knew?

Burnie’s battered Volkswagen pulled up to the curb in front of him and brought him back to reality. Ashley waved at him from the front passenger seat and he got into the back.

“Hey, man. How you doing?” Burnie asked.

“I’m good, thanks. I thought you’d maybe go get Joel first.”

“I tried, but he told me he wasn’t ready, so I came to fetch you while I waited.”

“Fair enough. Ashley, are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m great!” She replied as Burnie turned the car around in the driveway. “You looking forward to the party?”

“I’m pretty excited, yeah. Never been to anything like this before.”

“You’ll have a great time, I promise.” She turned around in her seat and gave him a thumbs-up. Ray smiled in return. It was a short drive to Joel’s house, and they soon stopped in front of the impressive driveway.

“I’m gonna go knock on his door.” Burnie said.

“Oh, I’ll come!” Ashley followed as he got out of the car, leaving Ray sitting there for a moment before he decided to get out too. He reached the porch just as Burnie was knocking, more vigorously than was really necessary. There was a muffled shout from inside the house, and after a minute’s wait, Joel opened the door. Ray almost gasped aloud. True to his promise, Joel was wearing a white button-down shirt, left untucked over a pair of dark blue jeans. His hair was messy in a very deliberate way. The light of the setting sun reflected in his eyes, turning the rich brown a shade of gold as he squinted and turned away from the glare.

“Sorry, I was packing my stuff up.” He said, gesturing to the duffle bag on his shoulder.

“No problem, man.” Burnie replied. “You went ahead with the shirt idea, then?”

“Yeah, I thought it was a good idea. Like you said, though, I’ll probably regret it later.” He plucked at the fabric as he stepped over the threshold and closed the front door.

“Alright, let’s go.” Burnie led them all back to the car. Joel seemed to notice Ray for the first time and walked next to him. Ray managed to finally break his stunned silence:

“Uh… You look good.” Joel laughed quietly and put his hand on Ray’s shoulder for a brief moment.

“Thanks, Ray. Not looking so bad yourself.”

“Are you kidding me?” Ray looked down at his own outfit. “At least you made an effort. I made fake-effort.” He pointed at the tuxedo pattern on his t-shirt.

“I wasn’t talking so much about the clothes.” Ray felt his face get hot as he sat down in the car again, moving to the seat opposite the sidewalk to make room for Joel. Burnie checked everyone had their seatbelts on before turning the car around again, and driving out onto the main road.

*

Ryan’s house was much further away than Ray had anticipated. He had expected a ten-minute journey to the suburbs, not a half-hour trek out of town.

“Does he take that journey to school every day?” He asked as they parked up on the already-busy driveway in front of the large house.

“Yeah, he takes the service bus.” Burnie replied. “The regular school bus wouldn’t take him cause he’s so far out they’d have to alter their route to get to him.”

“I think he’s getting driving lessons for his birthday from his dad.” Ashley put in. “Isn’t that what he said?”

“Yeah, I think so. I’m sure Jack’ll be glad; he’s the one who usually gets roped into driving him places.” Burnie stopped the engine and they got out of the car. Ray’s heart beat a little too fast as he looked up at the house, the lights on all over it, the streamers in the windows, the muffled thump of bass-driven music that was audible even from here. He watched, hesitant, as Burnie and Ashley started to walk up to the front door. Suddenly, there was a hand on the small of his back and Joel was gently pushing him along.

“I can walk, you know.” Ray said sarcastically, trying to play it off. The hand was immediately removed.

“Sorry.” Joel replied quickly.

“I was… that was a joke.”

“Oh.” The hand stayed at Joel’s side, obviously discouraged. Ray let his own hand brush against it, prompting Joel to look up and smile. They joined Burnie and Ashley at the front door. It opened and Ryan grinned as he welcomed them:

“Hey, there, how are you all? Come on in, dump your bags in the first room on the left, might wanna take any valuables with you, jackets on the rack in the corner. Beer in the cooler in the kitchen, liquor’s coming out later. Have a good night.” They trailed in, with wishes of happy birthday directed at Ryan as they passed. Ray stopped to talk to him before he dumped his bag.

“Hey, if I have a gift for you, where should I put it?” Ryan’s eyes widened.

“Oh, I didn’t think of that. Uh... leave it for now. You’re staying the night, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, leave it in your bag, don’t tell anyone else it’s there, just in case. You can give it to me tomorrow. Thanks buddy.”

“You’re welcome.”

“You drinking soda for now?”

“I guess so.”

“Okay. I have some fruity cocktail stuff for you to try when the liquor comes out. We’re gonna be doing shots but if you don’t like the taste of alcohol that’s… probably not gonna be your thing.”

“No, I think I’ll pass on that. Thanks, though.”

“No problem, man. You go put your bag down, I’ll grab you some soda. Coke or Sprite?”

“Uh… Sprite, please.”

“Okay. Be right back.” Ray headed into the side room, which looked like an office, and put his backpack under a chair. He spotted Joel’s duffel bag in the corner and vaguely wondered where he had gone. As he left the room again, a can of Sprite was pushed into his hand, and Ryan patted him on the back before crossing the hall and entering a door on the other side. Cautiously, Ray followed. Suddenly he seemed to have found the centre of the party. A speaker system on the other side of the room pumped out bass loud enough to make the floor vibrate. He felt it in his chest like an irregular heartbeat.

Most of the people who had arrived so far seemed to be in here. Some were dancing, some sitting on the couches, others just standing around and talking. Ray spotted Burnie and Ashley standing with Gus and Adam, and headed over to talk to them. However, before he got there, he was intercepted, another hand landing on his arm.

“Hi Ray!” Barbara called over the music. “How you doing?”

“Pretty good. You?”

“Fucking _awesome_!” She grinned. “Do you wanna come hang with the art guys for a bit?”

“Uh, sure.” He let her lead him to the other end of the room, near the speakers, and felt as though his eyes were vibrating in their sockets. The others didn’t seem to mind; in fact Kerry, Lindsay, and Miles were cheering as Monty danced to the obscure dubstep. Ray couldn’t help smiling as he watched. “Wow. He’s pretty good.”

“He’s an amazing dancer. You should see him play DDR.”

“Yeah? I never saw him as much of a dancer.”

“You see him in art class when he’s working. He still likes to have fun.” They reached the group and Ray leant on a nearby table, moving away when he felt it vibrate disconcertingly against his back.

“You alright there, Ray?” Lindsay asked.

“Yeah, fine. The music’s kind of… ridiculously loud.” He replied.

“You get used to it, don’t worry.”

“I thought you and Michael would be together tonight?”

“He’s not here yet. Most of your guys aren’t, actually. Just you and Ryan so far, I think.”

“I guess Michael, Gavin, and Dan are all gonna be together.”

“Yeah. He texted me a couple minutes ago saying he wouldn’t be long, so hopefully he was right. Who drove you here?”

“I got a ride with Burnie and Ashley. So did Joel.”

“Oh, is Joel here? I haven’t seen him yet.”

“No? He disappeared when I was putting my bag away and I haven’t seen him again yet.”

“Oh, weird.” Lindsay frowned. “He’ll turn up, I’m sure.”

“Yeah. I’m sure.”

*

By the time Michael, Gavin, and Dan turned up, accompanied by a frazzled-looking Matt, almost everyone who had been invited to the party was there. There were less strangers than Ray had expected, with even plus-ones mostly being people he at least saw around sometimes. As he wandered through the crowded living room he remembered Joel’s advice to stick with a group of friends and almost laughed aloud. Yeah, that had really gone to plan.

So far he’d been passed around almost everyone he knew. He’d seen Geoff and Gus, and been introduced to Geoff’s girlfriend Griffon. He’d spent a pleasant half-hour talking to Chris, Kara, and Brandon, who he’d only previously spoken to minimally. Even Blaine had put in an appearance, and held up his drink from across the room in a kind of salute. Finally, he managed to get back to his usual group, minus Geoff, all sitting across two of the three couches. Even Ryan had taken a break from hosting and getting drunk to join them.

“How are you guys liking things so far?” He asked.

“It’s awesome!” Jack replied. “I didn’t expect so many people though.”

“Well, I thought, the more the merrier, right?” Ryan shrugged. “Anyway, it’ll go down as the night goes on. Most people are leaving by 3am.”

“Where are we all gonna sleep, Ryan?” Gavin asked. He and Dan were sitting draped over each other on the couch and Ryan looked pointedly at the space they were sharing.

“Basically wherever you can. We’ve got 4 double bedrooms so eight people can have bed space. Everyone else is gonna be on floors or the couches.”

“Are we gonna have to share?”

“Maybe. I’m sure Burnie and Ashley and Geoff and Griffon could be persuaded to share so you don’t need to.”

“Well, I mean… like, I don’t mind. You know, I was just…”

“Curious.” Ryan nodded. “Yeah.”

“Ryan, when’s the liquor coming out?” Michael asked, sounding a little impatient.

“You planning to do shots with us?”

“Yeah. Why, don’t you want me to?”

“No, it’s fine. I didn’t know if you younger ones would be in.”

“’You younger ones’. God.” Michael shook his head. “Yeah, I’ll do shots with you. Lindsay, are you in?” Lindsay pulled a face.

“I’d rather not, really. I’ll stick to beer.”

“Okay. Gav? Dan?”

“Absolutely.” Gavin replied. “You in, B?”

“Sure, why not?” Dan shrugged. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Oh, man. You cursed us, dude.” Ryan laughed. “Something bad’s gonna happen now.”

“Oh, what? Really?”

“No, he’s just being superstitious.” Gavin said dismissively. “Don’t listen to him.”

“Ray, you’re not doing shots, are you?” Ryan asked.

“No, I’ll uh… stick to soda.” Ray replied.

“Oh, yeah, that cocktail stuff, I’ll find that for you when I get everything else out too.”

“Thanks.”

“It’s alright Ray, I’ll have your shots.” Dan said, grinning. Ray laughed.

“Thanks, Dan. You’re the man.” He paused. “Hey. Dan the man. It rhymes.” The group laughed, and Dan reached over to high-five him.

“Dan the man. Christ.” Jack shook his head. “Has anyone got the time?”

“Nine thirty.” Ryan replied. “I’m getting the shots going at ten.”

“Alright. I look forward to it.”

*

When the others left to go and get shots, Ray was left sitting on the couch by himself. Lindsay had gone to watch (and probably film) the carnage. He could hear muffled shouting even over the music, although it seemed to have been turned down a little bit now. Ryan had given him a large glass of pinkish-orange cocktail before he had left, and he was still trying to pluck up the courage to take a sip. It looked like if you turned off the lights it would glow.

Still, he didn’t have anything better to do for now. Slowly, he brought the glass to his mouth and tasted it. It was sickly sweet, tasting vaguely of peaches and fake-watermelon flavoured candy. There was still a bitter vodka aftertaste, and Ray got the feeling whoever Ryan had got this from had bought it cheap. Still, it was better than beer. He kept drinking.

*

The others came back to the couches at about ten thirty, most of them looking considerably drunker than they had before they left. Ray stuck with them for a while longer, but they were loud and raucous. He wanted to talk to someone else. He spotted Adam across the room and started to make his way over. A hand landed on his waist, another on his shoulder. He turned, and came face to face with Joel. His eyes were slightly glazed, the top two buttons of his shirt undone, but he was smiling.

“I’ve been looking for you.” He said quietly. Ray had to smile in return.

“I’ve been looking for you too.” He replied. “Where have you been?”

“Getting drunk.”

“Yeah, I can see that. What have you been drinking?”

“A few beers, some vodka… I think some whiskey…”

“Goddamn. You’re gonna feel like shit tomorrow.”

“Yeah, but it’s not tomorrow. It’s tonight.” He sighed, and Ray caught the scent of alcohol on his breath. “Can I talk to you?”

“We are talking.” Joel rolled his eyes and took Ray’s hand.

“Come with me.” He started pulling Ray towards the staircase at the end of the room, behind the speakers. He followed obediently, his thoughts concentrated on the hand in his, the heat of it, the way it seemed to be burning his skin. He wondered how much alcohol had been in the cocktail and if maybe he was a little drunk too.

Joel gently led him up the stairs and into the nearest bedroom. He closed the door behind them, still holding Ray’s hand.

“Why did… What are you doing?” Ray asked, his heart beating fast and hard. Joel let go of his hand and swallowed hard, taking a step towards him. He backed up, but Joel followed in a motion that was almost predatory, until he was against the wall.

“This.” Joel whispered. He took a final step closer and suddenly their lips were crushed together, Joel’s hand cradling his face. All the air seemed to leave Ray’s lungs and he pulled away, gasping, eyes wide. He felt like a rabbit caught in the headlights. Joel stepped back again, looking just as frightened.

“Joel…”

“Did I… I… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… I made a mistake.” He turned to leave. Ray went after him and grabbed his arm, feeling the white cotton of his shirt slide under his fingers.

“You didn’t make a mistake.” He gasped. “I’m just nervous, I wasn’t expecting it.” Joel turned back and smiled.

“Really?”

“Really. I… I want to… to…” Joel seemed to catch his drift, as he closed the distance between them again, slower this time. Ray closed his eyes as their lips made contact, feeling Joel’s hands on his hips, his own hovering awkwardly in the air until he wrapped his arms around Joel’s waist. The sensation of their lips pressed together, soft and warm, was incredible. He could taste the vodka Joel had been drinking. Somehow he didn’t mind so much anymore.

Joel broke off to take a breath and Ray opened his eyes to see him gazing at him, steady despite his drunkenness. He kissed him again, smiling into it, biting down on Ray’s lower lip in a way that made him moan. For a moment he was embarrassed about the sound, but they were alone. No one was going to hear them over the music. The beat still throbbed through the floor up here, the floorboards vibrating. It was just another facet to the sensory onslaught Ray was feeling.

Another bite to his lip and Ray was weak at the knees, but Joel didn’t let up. His hands moved, one at the waistband of his pants, the other at his back, pushing him closer. He was acutely aware of the one at his waist, how hot it was, thumb rubbing at the delicate skin of his stomach. Meanwhile, Joel moved his lips from Ray’s, focusing instead on his jawline, planting tiny kisses from the corner of his jawbone back towards his lips. The stubble around his own jaw rubbed against Ray’s face, harsh but pleasant-feeling.

A heat was spreading through Ray, and he wasn’t sure if it was the closeness of their bodies or the warmth of the house or something else entirely. When he opened his eyes he saw his own strong blush reflected in Joel’s reddish cheeks. Joel moved from kissing his jaw down to his neck, started to bite and suck, leading Ray to gasp and twine his hand into Joel’s hair. He kept going, biting him several times, and Ray knew the marks were going to be a dead giveaway later. The hand at his waistband started pulling at his jeans, fingers rubbing just below his hip bone, and god that was such a turn-on…

“Joel…” Ray murmured. He received a moan in answer, non-committal, busy at his neck. “Joel.” He repeated, firmer, as the fingers at his waist began to unbutton his jeans. Joel stopped biting, looked up, planted another quick kiss on Ray’s lips.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“We can’t do this tonight.” Ray sighed, re-wording the sentence. “We can’t have sex here.”

“Don’t you want to?” Joel looked disappointed, and Ray pulled him in, arms around his neck as he hugged him.

“I want to.” He whispered. “But we’re in someone else’s bedroom. You’re drunk, I’m underage, and I’d be willing to bet neither of us have a condom.” Joel nodded and pulled back.

“But we can still…” He gestured at Ray.

“Yeah. We can still do this.” Almost immediately Joel’s lips were on his again, hands at his waist under his shirt. Ray’s hand went back to being knitted in Joel’s hair, trying to reciprocate more strongly this time. He could feel himself shaking, his body loose. Like he was melting into him. He was so hot now he felt like he might be. He brought his other hand up to copy Joel, holding his waist under the white shirt, feeling his skin slightly damp with sweat.

Now it was Joel’s turn to moan, and he let Ray take the lead as their lips moved together. Ray pressed his tongue forward into Joel’s mouth for just a second, smiling, feeling Joel’s chest expand as his breath hitched. He pulled his hair a little, not enough to really hurt, and copied his technique of biting his lip. The noise Joel made in response to this was almost a growl, and he pressed his hand harder into the small of his back, deepening his pressure in the kiss.

Ray sensed he was trying to take back control, and let him have it, taking a back seat as both his hands went to his waistband again. He was cautious, but Joel simply pushed his jeans down enough to rub his thumbs over his hip bones, back and forth, a tickling feeling that again left him weak. He took a deep, ragged breath, pulled away from the kiss and leant his head on Joel’s shoulder. He let him keep his hands where they were, perfectly content with the feeling. He kept his eyes closed, focusing on it.

There was a creak from somewhere to his left, but he ignored it. It wasn’t important. It was important that he was here, that Joel was kissing him again, that-

“Oh my god.” Burnie’s voice came from the doorway and they parted immediately, breaking all points of contact. Ray missed the heat straight away. “Out of all the things I expected to walk into a room and see, this was not it.” Burnie continued. He laughed incredulously at the looks on their faces. “I’m not judging. It’s just kind of funny. I never expected you two to… you know. Uh. Anyway. Sorry.” He closed the door and they heard him walk away. Ray looked at Joel, who was suppressing a grin, but started to laugh as soon as they made eye contact. He had to join in, so close to that wheezing, breathy laughter. It was infectious.

“That was… interesting.” Joel finally said.

“Yeah.” Ray agreed. “Well, all of that… was interesting, really.”

“Mm-hm. I didn’t know that you… you know.”

“Didn’t know you did.” He sat down on the bed, and Joel joined him. “Guess we kind of… sorted that out.”

“Yeah.” Joel blinked a few times and laid back on the bed. “God, I am so fucking drunk.”

“I know. Think I’m a little tipsy myself.”

“You are?”

“I’ve been drinking a weird cocktail thing.”

“Oh. So that’s what you tasted of. It was sweet.”

“You can talk. You’re pure vodka.”

“Yeah, I think it’s starting to replace my blood at this point.” Joel sighed. “Should we go back downstairs?”

“I guess so.” Ray stood up from the bed and took Joel’s hand to pull him up with him.

“I feel kind of sick.”

“Please don’t vomit on me. We just had a nice romantic moment, don’t ruin it.”

“Was that romantic? It felt more sexual to me.”

“Let’s call it both.” Ray took Joel’s hand, but hesitated. “Are we telling people about this?”

“Uh… I… No.” Ray nodded and let go.

“Okay. Come on.” They left the bedroom, making their way carefully downstairs. As they walked back into the living room, Ray felt a terrible sense that something was wrong. Especially as he saw Burnie at the far end of the room staring at him. And everyone around him staring too. He saw Michael’s face in the crowd, shocked and confused. Something clicked.

“He fucking told them.” He said. “Burnie fucking told everyone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an enormously long chapter, but hopefully you didn't mind. I thought it kind of made up for the short filler chapter. Also, this is the first time I've written a scene like this in such detail and I don't know for sure that I did it right. If you have any feedback I'd be very grateful for it. Also, the next chapter of this fic is going to be posted on Thursday rather than Friday, as I'm going to be busy, so look forward to the early post!


	12. Chapter 12

Joel and Ray slept in separate rooms that night, both too ashamed to even be seen together, what with the whole party discussing their relationship status. Even when Ryan was showing him where to sleep, Ray could tell he was desperate to say something about it. But Ryan was drunk. Almost everyone was. He just hoped that by morning they would all have sobered up and either have forgotten or learned to be discreet about it. As he drifted off to sleep he couldn’t help but think how he was bad luck at parties.

Waking up was a disorientating and sickening experience. First of all Ray nearly fell off the couch he had slept on, misjudging the space he had and having to cling to the cushions to stop himself rolling onto the floor. Then he sat up, and immediately regretted it as his head protested with a throbbing pain and a wave of nausea. He groaned, squeezing his eyes shut as the pain dissipated. Someone laughed across the room and he jumped, looking over to see Geoff sitting on the couch under the window.

“Can’t handle your booze as well as you handle your men, huh?” He said, voice croaky from sleep.

“Shut the _fuck_ up Geoff.” Ray replied harshly.

“Whoa, whoa. Calm down, kid. That was a joke.”

“Yeah, well it wasn’t funny. Where are the others?”

“Gav and Dan are still asleep. Jack was on the couch next to you but god knows where he is now. Burnie and Ashley are upstairs, so is Joel, and I think Michael and Lindsay? Other than that I don’t know.”

“Alright. Thanks.”

“Sorry for making fun of you.” Ray sighed.

“It’s fine.” He stood up, feeling another wave of pain, but ignoring it. He felt like a lightweight; he’d only had two glasses of cocktail. It shouldn’t have been this bad, he was sure. He would ask Ryan for some aspirin or something later. He retrieved his backpack from the office across the hall and went to find a bathroom.

Ray took a shower, as quick as possible; the heat made him feel even worse. Taking out his clean clothes to get dressed, he completely forgot about Ryan’s gift. When he was done in the bathroom he left his backpack on the landing and went to the kitchen to try and find everyone. On walking in, he almost bumped into Matt, who was standing near the door talking to Jack:

“…It’d be best to just not mention it.”

“S’cuse me.” Ray said quietly. Matt jumped and moved out of the way.

“Sorry. You doing okay?”

“Not really.” He looked over to the table, where Michael, Gus, Jack, and Ryan were sitting, all varying degrees of tired and hungover-looking. Gus looked the worst, but as he complained about having to sleep on the floor of the room where Gavin and Dan had slept, Ray thought it might be more to do with that.

“You alright, Ray?” Ryan asked. Ray shook his head. “You want anything?”

“Painkillers, if you have them.”

“Sure.” Ryan got up and opened a cabinet, taking out a box of ibuprofen, before pouring a glass of water and handing them both to Ray. He took two pills quickly and handed the box back. “You might wanna eat a little something, too.” Ryan said. “Otherwise you’ll get stomach ache. Do you want me to get you some food?”

“I guess. I feel kind of sick.”

“It’ll pass. Keep drinking that water. I don’t think you can be _really_ hungover but staying hydrated won’t do you harm.” Ray obediently took a sip of the water. “A piece of toast isn’t gonna hurt you, right?”

“Probably not.”

“Okay. Sit down.” Ryan gestured to the seat he’d just vacated next to Michael and Ray did as he was told. He was in no mood to argue. Michael half-smiled at him.

“You hungover, buddy?” He said.

“Looks like it, yeah.”

“You’ll be alright by noon.”

“Are you not hungover?”

“Yeah, _super_ hungover. I’m dosed up on painkillers so I’m not too bad, but it still feels like someone fuckin’ caved my head in with a lead pipe.”

“Where’s Lindsay? How’s she doing?”

“She showering right now. I don’t think she’s as bad as me, though, cause she didn’t do shots, just beer.”

“Oh yeah.”

“I didn’t think you’d be bad at all. You hardly drank anything.”

“No.”

“I’m waiting for Joel to come down.” Ray started a little at the sound of his name.

“Why?”

“Cause he was drinking like a motherfucker. He’s gonna have the worst hangover.” Michael seemed to notice Ray’s startled expression for the first time and frowned. “What? Why are you so… Oh.” A look of recognition dawned on Michael’s face and he nodded. “Yeah. The whole… making out thing.”

“Please don’t talk about it.”

“I’m not going to. It’s just a little… weird.” Ray sighed and nodded.

“Yeah. Weird.” Ryan put a plate with a slice of buttered toast on it in front of Ray and sat down opposite him on the table

“There you go. Eat that, it’ll make you feel better.” Ray nodded and picked up the toast, taking a bite. He was glad for any distraction from the imminent Joel conversation, even one that made him feel sick. For a moment there was silence other than Gus tapping his fingers on the table and Ray’s chewing. Matt moved from the counter he was leaning on to sit down at the table, leaning his head on his hand. A few minutes passed and Lindsay walked in.

“I guess this is the hangover room?” She said quietly. “It’s okay, I’m gonna get some water and go.” True to her word, she grabbed a glass, filled it, and left. Michael got up soon after.

“I’m gonna go talk to Lindsay.” He said. Ray nodded and moved his chair to let him through. Another moment passed and the door swung open again. Joel walked in, and Ray’s heart beat faster. He had thought the others looked bad, but Joel took the cake. He had gotten dressed, but his hair was dishevelled, and not in the deliberate way it had been last night. There were dark circles under his eyes, and even from a distance, Ray could see that they were bloodshot.

“Whoa, Joel. You look like shit, man.” Ryan exclaimed.

“Yeah, I feel like it.” Joel replied hoarsely. “Man, I’m really sorry, I threw up in your en suite.”

“Did you clean it up?”

“I tried to.” Ryan sighed and put a hand over his eyes.

“You know what, it doesn’t matter. I suspect you won’t be the only one.”

“Like I say. I’m… sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ve already got a million things to clean, another toilet won’t make much difference. Do you need anything?”

“I need lots of things. Water. Food.”

“Sit down then.” Joel nodded and turned to the table. Ray saw him flinch as their eyes met and watched as he sat down at the other end of the table. There was a thump from upstairs and Jack cringed.

“I’ve got five dollars on that being Gavin.” He muttered. Five minutes later, Gavin and Dan walked into the kitchen. “I knew it.” Jack said.

“Ryan, I threw up in your bathroom.” Gavin said weakly. Ryan sighed loudly.

“You are not the only one. Did you clean up?” Gavin blinked at him and Ryan squared his jaw with another sigh. “ _Could you_ please go and clean up? At least a little?”

“Dan, can you come help me?”

“Do I have to?” Dan groaned. “I feel sick as well, I don’t wanna look at it.”

“Please?”

“Fine. But you owe me.”

“Okay.” They left the kitchen again, and Ryan took a glass of water and some painkillers to Joel.

“I’m never hosting a party again.” He said. “It’s just not worth the mess and the drama.”

“What’s the drama?” Geoff asked as he walked in.

“You know what the drama is Geoff.” Matt said firmly. “We’re not talking about it, remember?”

“Oh, we are way past that.” Geoff snorted. “Ray and I have already talked about it.”

“You have?” Matt turned to Ray.

“If you count him cracking a joke and me telling him to shut up as talking, yeah.” Ray said, incredulous. “Which I definitely don’t.”

“Geoff-”

“It was a _joke_. I’m not serious.” He sat down heavily in the chair next to Matt, opposite Joel. “It’s just that you two really seem to have a thing for causing a scene at parties.” There was a clatter as Ryan dropped the knife he was using to butter Joel’s toast.

“Geoff, do me a favour.” He said, turning to face him. “Either shut the fuck up or get out of the fucking kitchen.” Geoff raised his hands in a show of innocence.

“My apologies. I’m obviously not welcome here.” He got up and walked out, slamming the door on the way. Several groans rose above the table as headaches flared up.

“You alright, Ryan?” Matt finally asked.

“Fine. Just in the mood to kick the shit out of something.” Ray pushed his plate away and folded his arms on the table, resting his head on them. He zoned out for a while as the door opened again. It wasn’t until he felt a hand on his shoulder that he looked up, to see Gavin peering at him, concerned. Ray noted how terrible he looked too, all watery, bloodshot eyes.

“Are you okay, Ray?” He asked.

“Surviving.” Ray replied shortly.

“Well, I mean, we saw what happened last night and-”

“Gavin!” Ryan said sharply.

“What? What have I… oh.” Gavin noticed Joel at the end of the table and bit his lip. “Sorry.”

“Can I ask you all a favour?” Ryan asked quietly. “If you’ve had food and water and everything you need, please leave. Except you, Ray. You two-” He pointed at Gavin and Dan “-Get what you need and go sit in the living room, for god’s sake.” They nodded. Gus, Jack, and Matt obediently left, and when Gavin and Dan were given their hangover supplies they followed. Ryan closed the kitchen door gently and confronted Ray and Joel, sitting as far from one another as the table would allow.

“Ryan, what-” Joel began, but Ryan cut him off.

“I think you two might need to have a talk. I’m not gonna force you if you don’t want to. But the fact is I’ve been trying to stop everyone talking about it and they don’t want to. So you’d better have something to tell them. Even if it’s not today, and I wouldn’t blame you for that. I’ve had a rough morning and I don’t think even _I_ have it as bad as you do right now. Especially you, Ray. I don’t even… I don’t wanna speculate. Just talk. Come into the living room when you’re done.” He left the room and closed the door behind him. Ray sighed and looked at Joel, who was sitting with his head in his hands.

“You don’t wanna do this, do you?” Joel shook his head. “And you don’t wanna carry on with it?”

“I… I don’t know.”

“So what do we tell them?”

“I don’t know.”

“Joel, for fuck’s sake! Talk to me.” A hint of desperation crept into Ray’s voice. “Please.” Joel looked up, deflated.

“What… I don’t know what I’m meant to say. There isn’t anything to say. I can’t… I can’t make it better.”

“You can try. That’s all I want.”

“Ray. I’m sorry.” Joel’s voice cracked a little. “I was so drunk. I led you on. I messed up. I… I made a mistake.” Ray felt like all the air had been knocked out of him.

“You really didn’t… you didn’t feel that way?”

“I don’t know anymore!” He buried his face in his hands again. “I don’t know anymore.” Ray steeled himself.

“Well, at least now I know the truth.” He stood up. “Glad we had this talk.” Joel looked up as he walked out.

“Ray, wait-” Ray closed the door, not forcefully enough to make much noise, but hopefully enough to make a point. He walked into the living room, the others all turning to look at him. He noticed a very tired-looking Burnie at the end of one of the couches and got mad all over again.

“Ray, I’m so sorry.” Burnie said before he could even speak. “I fucked up really bad and…” He trailed off as Ray strode over to him.

“I don’t even know what the fuck you thought you were doing last night.” Ray said. “I don’t… You ruined the whole night for me. And maybe more than that besides. You really fucked up.”

“I know, I know, Ray, I’m so sorry. I was drunk and I made a big fucking mistake and I regret it so much.” He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. “I don’t know what I walked in on but I think I screwed it up.”

“Yeah. You did.” Ray sighed. “Then again I think I fucked it up pretty bad all by myself.”

“What do you mean?”

“I… It’s not important. I don’t wanna talk about it.” He shook his head. “I’m not gonna hold a grudge for this. I’m mad, but… I’m madder at other people.” He looked towards the still-closed kitchen door and imagined Joel still sitting at the table with his head in his hands. There was a sudden pang of guilt in his chest and a withering feeling. Like his heart dropped out entirely.

“Are you alright, Ray?”

“No.” He swallowed hard. “When you’re done getting ready, can we leave as soon as possible? I want to go home.”

“Sure.” Burnie nodded. Ray left the room, running upstairs to fetch his backpack. He just wanted this to be done.


	13. Chapter 13

It wasn’t until Ray got home and used the bathroom that he caught sight of himself in the mirror. He noticed the bruises and red marks on his neck and groaned. There was no wonder they had stared at him. He had managed to avoid his mother so far, but there wasn’t much he could do to cover them up now. He settled for sitting in his room and turned on his laptop. Scrolling through Facebook, he couldn’t help but smile a little as photos of the night emerged.

He saw several of different people giving Gavin piggybacks, including Burnie, Ryan, and Dan. There weren’t any of Ray posing; he’d turned down every request from people with cameras in their hands. He was caught in the background of a few, though. As he scrolled further, he saw a photo of Joel, a quizzical expression on his face like the camera had taken him by surprise. He had a shot in one hand and his other arm around Burnie, who was laughing.

The photo surprised him and sent a wave of guilt through him. What if he’d really hurt him? He’d left him sitting in Ryan’s kitchen with his head in his hands. That was the last he’d seen of him. No goodbyes. Part of him was glad; a goodbye just made it… final. At least this way there was a possible resolution. Ray closed the window where he was looking at Facebook and made a silent promise to talk to Joel on Monday. He had to do something. Even if he’d already messed it up.

*

As he was packing his stuff for school the next morning, Ray found Ryan’s birthday present still at the bottom of his backpack. The paper was crinkled and a corner was torn. He tried to flatten it out and put it back in the bag to give to him later. It made him feel even worse; just another thing he couldn’t get right. For the umpteenth time since the party he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to rid himself of the memories of that weekend. They kept coming back and repeating in his head like a nightmare he couldn’t wake up from.

“Ray, honey, I’m going to work now.” His mom called from downstairs. “Don’t be late.”

“I won’t. Bye mom.” He called back. He listened as she opened and closed the front door and he heard her drive off. Claiming he needed to pack his stuff up and taking so long about it had been his way of avoiding her. She didn’t need to see the bruises on his neck. No one did. He was wearing a roll neck sweater to cover them for school. Suddenly winter’s approach was a blessing.

He didn’t eat breakfast, just drank a glass of water before leaving the house. It was cold outside, not yet to the point of being icy, but he could tell it was coming. It still felt strange not to have seen snow by now. He knew New York City winters well, knew the snow that fell and the way it turned to slush under the feet of pedestrians. He was still learning about Austin, but he doubted it would snow here.

By the time he got to his English class, Ray regretted not wearing gloves to keep his hands warm. They ached with cold, and it only got worse when he walked into the hot classroom. Michael looked up as he sat down in his usual place next to him.

“Hi, Ray. You okay?” He asked.

“Not really.” Ray replied truthfully. “You?”

“I’m fine. What’s wrong?”

“You know what’s wrong.”

“Not really. I know some shit went down with you and Joel, that’s not very helpful to me.”

“I…” Ray paused to think. “It’s a long story. I’d rather talk to everyone about it so I don’t have to explain it a thousand times like I did when I first moved here.”

“Alright, that’s fine. Just… don’t get yourself worked up, okay? Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad.”

“I guess. I’ll try.”

“Good.” Michael patted Ray’s shoulder. “We’re your friends. We’re not in any place to judge.”

“Thanks.” Ray smiled, and Michael turned to face forward as the teacher walked in. As soon as he wasn’t looking, Ray let his smile fade. As reassuring as his words were, they didn’t help. He had to help himself. And he wasn’t sure how.

*

By lunch, Ray had made his mind up. He left his lesson when the bell rang and walked past the cafeteria. Instead he took the stairs up to the library. He steeled himself before he entered, heart beating fast. Joel might not want to speak to him. Hell, Joel might not even be here. But he had to try. He opened the door and went in, looking around at the computers against the wall. Not there. He wasn’t in the corner where he’d been the week before, either. Finally, Ray spotted him, head bent over a book on a table in the far corner of the library.

He approached slowly, apprehensive. He didn’t want to do this, but there wasn’t much more he could do. Theatrics weren’t going to help this cause. He might as well go with something simple.

“Hey, Joel.” He said quietly. Joel looked up and took a sharp breath.

“Hi.” He managed. He didn’t invite Ray to sit down, but he did, taking the chair next to Joel’s.

“Joel, I need to talk to you.”

“I know.”

“I think we… I think I fucked a lot of things up. I’m really sorry. I was an asshole to you on Sunday and I want to say I’m sorry. I’m not very good at dealing with… that kind of thing.” Joel just nodded, not looking at him. “I know you said you didn’t know how you felt, but… do you want to carry on with that? With how we were?” Joel shifted uncomfortably, folding his arms.

“I really don’t know. I… I like you a lot. But if we’re going to keep fucking things up like that I don’t know if it’s worth it.”

“I’m not going to do this again. I’m never drinking again, I swore that as soon as I woke up hungover. Joel, please.”

“I don’t…” Joel took a deep breath. “I don’t know, Ray. I’m sorry.” He closed the book on the table in front of him. “I have to go.”

“What? Where are you going?”

“Somewhere else.” He picked up the book and his backpack and walked away, leaving Ray at the table alone, his head in his hands.

*

Ray quickly gave up on the library and went back down to the cafeteria, sitting down at the table where the others already sat.

“Hey, Ray, where’ve you been?” Geoff asked.

“I was trying to talk to Joel.” Ray replied, deciding it was time to be honest.

“Oh. Is he okay?”

“I don’t think so. I don’t think I am either.”

“Do you want to talk about it now?” Michael asked. Ray nodded and sighed deeply.

“Yeah, I know I haven’t really been… totally honest with you guys. I haven’t been telling you everything. A lot happened over the weekend.”

“It’s alright, Ray.” Gavin said with a smile. “We’re not gonna judge you.”

“Well… You know that Joel’s bi, I guess. But I never told you guys that… I’m gay. I mean, I guess you could have figured that out for yourselves by now, but whatever. And we’ve had a thing going on for a while. Probably since October. Not a relationship, just a lot of flirting and teasing and… stuff like that. Saturday night was like… that’s what it ended in.”

“So are you together now?”

“Uh… No. I don’t think so.”

“Aw, what? What happened?”

“After Burnie told everyone what had happened it was just like… I didn’t want to deal with that. So I avoided him for the rest of the night and that was it. Ryan got us to talk in the morning and…” Ray paused to take a deep breath. “Joel said he didn’t want to have a relationship with me. He didn’t know how he felt. I was kind of nasty to him, I just lost my temper. So I went to see him today and he said he didn’t know if it was worth us hurting one another all the time and he still doesn’t know how he feels anyway. And then he walked away and left me there.”

“What a fucking asshole.” Michael said. “He could at least be courteous.”

“It’s not his fault. I fucked it up.”

“I don’t think you can put the blame on just yourself, Ray.” Ryan replied. “He’s got to take some responsibility too.”

“Yeah,” Jack added, “Especially if he was the one who instigated things.”

“He was.”

“Exactly. Joel’s my friend too, but… You can’t leave him blameless.”

“Do you want me to talk to him?” Geoff asked. “I could hopefully get something out of him.” Ray shook his head.

“I think it’s best to leave him for now.” He said. “He won’t give away anything he doesn’t want to.”

“Do you think he’ll come sit with us tomorrow then?” Gavin asked.

“Doubt it.”

“I hope you can sort this out soon.” Ryan said, patting Ray’s shoulder. “It’s all a mess right now.”

“Tell me about it.” Ray couldn’t help but smile a little as he continued: “I’m just glad you were all okay with me coming out.”

“Hey, your sexuality is your sexuality. You’re our friend, we aren’t gonna judge you.” Ryan smiled back at Ray and he nodded.

“See, I told you.” Michael said. “We’re not gonna give up on you because of something like that.”

“And if you need to talk to us about anything, you can.” Jack put in. “We can support you.”

“Thank you.” Ray mumbled, feeling his face go red. He had never expected to find friends like this in Austin. But here he was with five smiling faces looking back at him, and he felt a little better. A little lighter.

Just before the bell rang for classes, Ray finally remembered Ryan’s birthday gift, still stuffed into his backpack. He pulled it out as they were getting up to leave and thrust it into Ryan’s hands.

“Oh. Wait, is this what you asked me about on Saturday night?” Ryan asked.

“Yeah, it is. Sorry I forgot about it.” Ray replied sheepishly.

“No, no, it’s fine!” He pulled off the already-torn paper and looked over the carefully chosen book within. Ray stood tense for a moment as he read the blurb, his expression ambiguous. Then Ryan grinned.

“Do you like it?” Ray asked quietly.

“Yeah, it looks really interesting! Thank you, Ray.” Ryan pulled him into a tight hug, and Ray thought there was more behind it than just gratitude for the present. After all, Ryan had been the one to try and reconcile him with Joel. As he pulled away from the hug, he put a hand on Ray’s arm, the others now walking away.

“You need anything, you come ask me, okay?” He whispered. Ray nodded, and they parted ways for their classes.

*

For the rest of the day, Ray was a little conflicted in how he felt. His friends had been a comfort to him, but at the same time he was still shaking off those memories of Sunday morning. He kept seeing people who had been at the party. Some of them didn’t look at him twice, but others stared. On the way to his math class he saw Chris staring at him, before being pulled away by Kara. He realised that none of them had seen the resolution to his and Joel’s tryst, just the rumour of it. They hadn’t witnessed the next morning’s drama. He was sort of glad. It was all a little too much for him.

By the time of the final bell, Ray was exhausted, the backpack he carried seeming like a dead weight on his shoulders. He didn’t speak as they walked out, just listened to Michael and Gavin’s conversation.

“I’m so sad Dan’s leaving tomorrow.” Gavin whined.

“Yeah, me too, actually.” Michael replied. “I never thought I’d actually enjoy having _two_ annoying British kids in my house but here we are.”

“Do you reckon I could get away with skipping school to see him off tomorrow?”

“Sure you can, you’re the exchange student. Plus you have, like, perfect attendance. I’ll tell the teachers you’re sick if they ask.”

“Would your mum write me a note to say why I was out?”

“If you ask her politely, I don’t see why not.”

“Yeah, I’ll probably stay home then.”

“Hey, what time’s his flight?”

“Four in the afternoon, but your mum’s driving him out at about two, I think.”

“Yeah, she said she was. Aw, man. Do you think I could away with staying home too?”

“I don’t know, two of us from the same house is kind of suspicious.”

“True.”

“Hey,” Ray finally spoke up, “Can you say goodbye to Dan for me? It’s been cool having him here.”

“Yeah, sure.” Gavin replied.

“And explain what happened with Joel and I. Don’t want him going home still speculating.” Ray managed to crack a smile, and Gavin laughed.

“Sure.”

“Bus is here.” Michael piped up. “See you later, Ray.”

“Bye, Ray!” Gavin ran off after Michael and they boarded the bus. A moment later Jack jogged past him, calling:

“See you tomorrow, Ray!”

“Bye.” He replied, half-hearted, the sound lost in the cold breeze and the shouts of other students. Distantly, he wondered how Joel was doing.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly late post on this chapter, for which I'm very sorry. Had a lot to deal with lately and summoning motivation can be hard (especially when I've had a grand total of 8 hours sleep over the last 4 days). But I hope you enjoy it!

As predicted, Joel didn’t sit with them on Tuesday. With Gavin and Michael gone too, it was a quiet lunch hour. Burnie apologised to Ray all over again, still upset about what he’d done. Ray just told him what he’d told the others, and asked him not to worry about it. To his credit, Burnie changed the subject, talking to Matt about a class they’d had that day. Stranded between conversations, Ray stayed quiet.

*

Ray met Michael and Gavin outside the school gates the next morning, shivering in the icy wind as they stepped off the bus. They both looked miserable, faces downturned as they walked over.

“Hey, guys.” Ray greeted them.

“Hi, Ray.” Michael replied. “You okay?”

“Not really. You?”

“Not really.”

“You guys saw Dan off, then?”

“Yeah. It was pretty sad. He and Gav hugged for about a year and Gav cried a bit. I might have… you know. Joined in.”

“Aw, man. That’s sad.”

“We’ll see him again, though.” Michael said brightly, throwing an arm around each of his friends. “Not right now, but one day. Come on, we gotta get to class.” He started to lead them inside. Ray looked around him to try and see Gavin, but as soon as he caught a glimpse of his face, he had looked away. He tried not to feel sad, but couldn’t help the pang that went through him. Despite his own problems, he felt bad for Gavin. To be reunited with someone you hadn’t seen for three months and then have them go away again… It had to hurt.

Ray was separated from Gavin for the morning’s classes, but took the opportunity in English to talk to Michael, hiding behind the textbook they shared.

“Hey, is Gavin okay?” He asked. “He was super quiet this morning, I was kinda worried.”

“Yeah, he’s… he misses Dan a lot. Like, more than I expected he would.”

“Well, I guess they are pretty close.”

“More than pretty close, Ray. They’re like… brothers. Or something else.”

“What do you mean, something else?”

“I mean… I don’t see many people looking at their friends like those two look at each other. You know? All puppy-eyes and shit.”

“Do you think they’re-”

“I don’t know what they are. I don’t wanna speculate.” Michael shook his head. “I kinda hope he doesn’t stay this upset for too long, though. I like loud excited Gavin a lot more than sad Gavin.”

“Mr Narvaez!” The teacher called out. “Stop hiding behind your textbook, I know you’re talking. Put it flat it on the desk and do your work.” Ray rolled his eyes, but nodded and put the book down. He tried to motivate himself to work, but all he could do was stare into space and worry. As much as he was hurting right now, Gavin needed him. And at least Gavin would listen to him. Or so he thought.

*

The cafeteria table was oddly quiet again. Geoff was telling Jack a story about something Griffon had done the night before, something about her attacking him with crimpers. But rather than the other conversations usually going on around them, there was quiet. And it was no companionable silence; the hush was cold and awkward. Ray’s first thought as he sat down was that it must be his fault. But then he caught sight of Gavin, and it became clear. The redness around his eyes told a story his silence didn’t need to. Ray’s stomach twisted with concern for his friend.

“Gavin, are you okay?” He asked.

“Fine.” Gavin replied shortly.

“Um… Are you sure? You look-”

“What?” He snapped, looking up. “What do I look, Ray?”

“You look upset! I’m worried!”

“Well don’t be. I’m fine.”

“That’s a lie, and you know it. What’s the matter? Is it about Dan?”

“It’s none of your business!”

“I’m just trying to help you, Gav.”

“I don’t want your help!” Gavin was shouting now, people on other tables turning to look. “I don’t need you. I don’t need any of you!” His voice started to crack. “I need Dan, but Dan’s not here. And none of you can make me feel better, so don’t even bother!”

“Gavin, I’m-”

“You’re just trying to help, I know! People keep telling me that, but you… You don’t know! You have no idea what it’s like! Getting used to being with someone and then having them ripped away again!” He sniffed and wiped his nose on the sleeve of his sweater, standing up. Ray stood up with him, blocking the exit route he was trying to take.

“I know exactly what that’s like, so don’t talk like that. I know Dan’s important to you, and you’ve got every right to be sad, but you can’t take it out on us!”

“I can do whatever the hell I like, Ray! And no, you don’t know. I grew up with Dan and not being with him the last three months has been the worst feeling in the world. Having him back was a bloody miracle, and now he’s gone again. Like he was never even here!”

“You’re being irrational.” Ryan put in, watching the proceedings carefully. “Listen to what Ray has to say, will you?”

“Fuck off, Ryan.” They all stared at him. Gavin hadn’t cursed once since the beginning of the year. And now he’d directed at someone who didn’t even deserve it. Ray saw red.

“Gavin, fucking listen to me!” He grabbed his upper arms, stopping him pushing past him. “I understand what’s happening to you! What the fuck do you think happened with Joel and I this weekend? You think that happened by magic? We’ve been building that up for months, and now it’s gone. Broken. So don’t you dare tell me I don’t know how you feel!” Gavin stared at him for a moment, his lower lip trembling. Ray released his arms, and he pushed past him towards the cafeteria doors. A sob echoed back to them as he went.

“Ray…” Ryan said quietly. “Are you okay?” Ray nodded, fighting to unclench his fists.

“Never mind fucking Ray!” Michael yelled. “What about Gavin? You’re just gonna leave him to cry?”

“He needs time to think.”

“No, _fuck_ that. I’m going after him.” He stood up from the table, pausing to talk to Ray on the way past. “I thought you were better than this, Ray. To yell at your friend when he’s so hurt? I mean, come on.” He walked away. Geoff stood up behind him, following.

“You keep doing it, don’t you?” He asked. “Causing a scene and hurting people’s feelings. You hurt Joel as well, you know. You’re getting a real reputation. I thought Michael had anger issues but you take the cake.” He ran off after Michael before Ray could reply, leaving him standing at the table gaping.

“Uh… if it’s any consolation, I agree with you.” Ryan said, pulling at his shirt to get him back to the table. He recognised the gesture and sat down.

“So do I.” Jack agreed. “I think you’re both just… really worked up right now. It’s not your fault his temper got the better of him.”

“Thanks.” Ray muttered, hiding his head in his hands. “But Geoff’s right. I just keep hurting people.”

“People get hurt a lot.” Ryan replied. “I mean, Gavin just told me to fuck off, and it hurt. But in a week’s time I won’t remember. And if I do, I won’t care. Pain goes away. It’s slow sometimes, but it always goes away.”

“That doesn’t help me know what to do.”

“No, I know. I’m sorry I don’t know to tell you. It would have been easier if they’d left him to see sense; I think he would have apologised after a while. Now that he’s got Michael and Geoff to back him up he’s got justification for what he did.”

“I mean, I understand why he did it.” Ray said. “I just don’t understand why he was so hostile.”

“Do you…” Jack trailed off. “Do you know what Gavin and Dan are to one another?”

“No. Michael told me about it earlier but he was being cryptic.”

“Well… maybe it’s better that way. I guess Gavin didn’t want you to know.”

“Sure.” Ray sighed. “I wish I could stop fucking up every nice thing I have.”

“Hey. We’re here for you.” Ryan said firmly. “I know you’re closer to Michael and Gavin than you are to Jack and I, but we’re still here.” Ray nodded, staring gloomily up at the clock on the wall as seconds slowly ticked by.

*

That afternoon’s math class was incredibly awkward. Gavin asked to change seats, his reasoning that he couldn’t see the whiteboard. So Ray sat on his own, struggling through equations without Gavin’s usual happy chatter or silly quips. His regret just intensified tenfold, bearing down on him with a judgemental presence. He knew he deserved it. Geoff’s words just kept ringing in his ears:

_‘You hurt Joel as well.’_

Like he needed confirmation of that. But it was just another slap in the face for everything he’d done. All the times he’d lost his temper. He got lost in his thoughts for a moment, staring at the little marks he’d made on the page.

_x= ~~  
~~_

_x=_

_x=_

There was an answer, somewhere. He just had a lot of working out to do before he got to it.

*

Ray’s mother woke him up on Thursday morning, a cheery smile on her face as usual.

“Hey, sleepyhead. You slept through your alarm. You gotta get up.” She said gently. As soon as his eyes were open, his mind was back on everything that happened the day before. He groaned loudly, dragging the blankets over his head. “What’s the matter?”

“Mom, can I stay at home today? I… I feel really sick.” His mom’s face fell, and she sat down on the bed.

“Let me see you.” He slowly pulled the blankets down and let her rest a hand on his forehead. “Well, you’re certainly pale… you don’t have a temperature, though. Are you sure you’re sick?”

“Yeah.” He croaked, exaggerating. “Mom, please.” She sighed and took her hand away.

“Ray, is there something going on? Some reason you don’t want to go to school?”

“I…” His throat tightened as he tried to speak.

“You can talk to me, honey.” The concern in her eyes was enough to set Ray off, and he had to struggle to hold back tears as he thought about everything that had happened.

“I can’t.” He shook his head violently as he sat up in bed.

“Why not?” She looked at him, still concerned, as he composed himself a little. He took a deep breath and started again.

“I had a fight with Gavin yesterday.”

“Why? What happened?”

“Gavin’s from England, right? And he had a friend called Dan over for Thanksgiving and the week after. Dan went home the other day and Gavin got really sad, so I was worried about him. I asked him what was wrong and he just… he got really mad at me. And we just shouted a bit. But in the end he swore at Ryan and I got really angry because Ryan wasn’t even involved. And I shouted in his face and told him all about me and Joel and he ran out of the cafeteria crying.” Ray sniffed and looked down. “Then in math he wouldn’t sit with me, and he wouldn’t walk out of school with me either. He’s not talking to me at all. Also, Michael and Geoff have taken his side and they’re ignoring me too.”

“Oh, Ray.” His mom put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it gently. “This kind of thing is normal for people your age. You’re a teenager; arguing with your friends and ignoring each other for a week is just part of high school. It’s unusual that Michael and Geoff have taken his side, though.”

“They think I hurt him really bad, and I’m worried I did.”

“What did they say?”

“Michael said he expected better of me. And Geoff told me I have anger issues. And that I hurt Joel as well when I yelled at him.”

“You keep mentioning Joel. Was he there? What did he have to do with this?” At this, Ray froze. She didn’t know any of this. She didn’t know what Joel meant to him, she didn’t know what happened at the party. She didn’t know... He couldn’t control it anymore, and the tears spilled down his face as he tried to hide his face in the pillow.

“Mom…” He choked out. “You- You’re gonna h- hate me...”

“Ray, honey…” She hugged him, letting his rest his head on her shoulder. “I could never hate you. No matter what you choose to tell me, I will not hate you.” He sniffed, feeling childish as he pulled away from her.

“Mom, I- I’m gay.” There was silence for a moment, save for his muffled sobs, partially restrained by his hands. His mom raised a hand to her own mouth, looking shocked. “Sorry.” He said quietly.

“No, no, no!” She blurted out. “Don’t say you’re sorry to me, Ray. You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.” She hugged him again, rubbing his back as she spoke: “I love you, Ray. You’re my son and as a parent it is my job to love you unconditionally. I made a promise to do that the day you were born; I’m not going to break it.” She paused, and when she spoke again, she was a little choked up herself: “Thank you. For trusting me enough to tell me.” They stayed there for a moment, both calming down before they broke the embrace.

“Thanks, mom.” Ray said, a small smile breaking through his tears.

“You’re welcome, honey.” She smiled in return. “So, I suppose Joel… is he your boyfriend?”

“He’s…” Ray sighed, his smile fading. “I’m not sure what he is anymore.”

“Do you want to explain?” He nodded.

“We’ve been flirting for months, and at Ryan’s party we finally… we kissed. Burnie walked in on us and told everyone about it. It just made everything super awkward and we didn’t talk all night. Then the next morning we had a talk about it and… that’s when I yelled at him. He said he didn’t know what he wanted and I just left him there. I saw him again on Monday and I got the same thing again.”

“Well, that explains where your bruises came from.” She murmured. “Ray, it sounds like you’ve got a huge amount to deal with at the moment. And it sounds like your problem with Joel made your fight with Gavin even worse.” Ray nodded as she sighed. “I’ll give you some advice, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Just talk to them. Both of them. Tell Gavin you’re sorry, and explain what made you talk like that. Tell the others, too, while you’re at it. And then go tell Joel you want to talk to him and see if you can get an answer out of him. Try and make sense of this mess.”

“That’s… easier said than done.” Ray said, wiping at his eyes again.

“I know. And I know it’s been a while since I was a teenager. But talking to people always helps. I’m glad you talked to me, because it’s better than bottling it up.” She patted his shoulder again. “So, you’re not sick.”

“No. But, mom, can I have the day off anyway? Just to… deal with things.” She rolled her eyes at him, but smiled.

“I guess so. I’ll call the school and tell them you’re sick before I go to work. You can go back to sleep if you want.” Ray nodded, and she stood up from his bed. “Okay, honey. Have a good day. And if you want to talk more about this when I get home, I don’t mind.”

“Maybe. I’ll see how I feel.”

“Good. I love you, Ray.”

“I love you too, mom.”


	15. Chapter 15

By Friday morning, Ray felt a little more ready to face his friends. He was still anxious, and maybe the day off had let that build up even more. But having released a lot of emotions to his mom had taken a weight from his shoulders and given him a sense of reality. Of course she accepted him; why wouldn’t she? They’d talked about it a little more and she made it very clear that she would love him whatever he decided about his identity. One of his biggest hurdles had been passed, and the apprehension he felt was a lot easier to deal with now.

He said goodbye to his mom cheerfully as she left for work, ruffling his hair as usual. As he heard her car pull out of the driveway, a little of his fear emerged again, making him grimace at the feeling in the pit of his stomach. It wasn’t being afraid to talk to Gavin and the others; it was being afraid that he would let his temper get the better of him again. He was calm most of the time but sometimes those rushes of anger took him (and everyone around him) by surprise. So soon after the last one, though… maybe he could escape from it, even if Gavin wouldn’t listen to him.

Ray set off into the foggy morning early, hoping to catch Michael and Gavin as they got off the bus. But when he got there, Gavin was standing at the gates alone. He didn’t seem to see him coming; he was staring into space, chewing on the sleeve of his hoodie. Ray approached him carefully.

“Hey, Gavin.” He said gently. Gavin jolted in shock and turned to see him, seeming to stiffen as they made eye contact.

“Hi.” He replied, almost whispering.

“Uh… Are we on… speaking terms?”

“It’s… up to you, really.”

“Well, I wanted to talk to you. So it’d help.” There was no reply, so he continued. “I want to apologise to you. I was… well, I was a dick to you, and this seems to be becoming a pattern. Last time I did something like this I fucked it all up forever so I’m ending this now. You were a dick too, but I reacted way too violently and… I understand that you’re sensitive about Dan and I didn’t mean to make that worse. I’m really trying to keep my temper under control now, and I won’t do this again. I’m sorry.” Gavin just stared at him for a moment.

“I thought you were mad at me?” He finally asked.

“Well, I was. But we were both in the wrong, really.”

“Yeah! I mean, I wanted to say sorry too, because I was really… mean to you. And then I thought you were blaming me for what happened with Joel when you talked about it, and I just… got upset.”

“And this coming from the man who claims to be heartless.” Ray joked, and Gavin managed a small smile.

“I’m really sorry, Ray.” He said, and held out his arms at his sides. Ray recognised the motion and hugged him, instantly feeling a little calmer. As they moved apart, Gavin grabbed his arm and squeezed it gently. “Thanks for understanding, Ray. Ryan and Jack have been so awkward with me, not even speaking. Not to Michael or Geoff, either.”

“Yeah, how are they all doing?”

“I explained that I wasn’t mad with you to Michael so he might have forgiven you but he might still yell at you. Geoff’s still pretty pissed off. Ryan’s been silent to all three of us since Wednesday afternoon. Jack made an attempt at peace with Geoff which ended with him getting yelled at too.” Ray bit his lip at the news. This was more complicated than he’d imagined it would be.

“So what do we do?” He asked.

“We could try to get them all together at lunch. You tell Jack and Ryan that we aren’t coming, and I’ll tell Michael and Geoff you guys aren’t coming.”

“That’s a little dishonest.”

“They’ll never come if they know the others are there, though!”

“True.” He considered for a moment. “Alright, as long as we get it over with quick. I have to go to the library later.”

“It shouldn’t take long.” At that moment the school bus pulled up by the curb, and they waited as the floods of kids got off. Jack was one of the stragglers, and approached them cautiously.

“Hey, guys.” He said. “Uh… Are you…?” The question remained unspoken, but Ray nodded.

“We’re on speaking terms. I had a day off and thought about things and… none of us were in the right, really.”

“Yeah, we were both overly-emotional and stuff.” Gavin continued. “It doesn’t seem to matter as much anymore. Especially since I got Dan to set up a skype account so I can talk to him.”

“Oh. Alright. Do the others know?”

“Michael does, I told him. Geoff’s a problem. And you saw what Ryan was like.” Gavin grimaced.

“Yeah, I saw. Don’t know whether to be mad at him or sad for him.”

“Well, can we ask you a favour?” Ray clasped his hands together in a show of exaggerated begging. “Can you tell Ryan it’ll just be you and me and him for lunch today?”

“Why?”

“Because Gavin’s going to tell Geoff that it’s just them and Michael for lunch. And then we can get them to talk and stop defending our stupid honour.”

“Oh. Yeah, sure. Anything else? Cause if not we should get to class.”

“No, that’s it. Thanks, Jack.”

“You’re welcome, Ray.”

*

That lunch, as promised, the table only seated three. Gavin, Geoff, and Michael sat at one end, close together. But it wasn’t long before Jack approached. All three ignored him as he sat down with a cheery ‘ _hi guys’_. Then Ryan and Ray walked over. Ryan stopped in his tracks as soon as he saw them and muttered something to Ray. The smaller boy simply rolled his eyes and pulled Ryan along to sit down at the table. He chose the seat at the far end and looked down at his plate, sulking. Gavin and Ray made eye contact and Gavin nodded.

“Uh, guys?” He said, slightly querulous. Clearing his throat, he tried again, stronger now: “Guys, we need to talk to all of you.”

“Who’s we?” Geoff demanded.

“Me and Ray.” Ray nodded.

“Yeah, Gav and I talked through some stuff. Not in detail or anything, but enough.”

“Ray and I don’t hate each other. We’ve been grown-ups and apologised to each other, so… I think you guys should just do the same. Be friends. We don’t hate any of you.”

“We _want_ you to be friends. Please?” Ray made his exaggerated begging motion again, and Michael sighed.

“I’m not on bad terms with anyone.” He said. “You’re all my friends, and Gav explained this whole thing to me yesterday. I’m not mad. For once.” Gavin laughed at that.

“Yeah, I’m not mad either.” Jack agreed. “I never was. I’m just glad you guys sorted everything out.” Ray and Gavin looked hopefully down the table at Ryan, but it was Geoff who spoke up next.

“I’m… I would say I’m not mad, but I’d be lying. But I’m a lot madder about what happened with Joel than what happened with Gavin.” Ray’s heart stopped at the mention of Joel’s name, but he nodded.

“I can understand that. If it’s any consolation, I think whatever happened with Joel and I is over now. I haven’t even seen him since Monday. Even if it somehow isn’t, I’m not going to make the same mistake again. He doesn’t deserve that.” Geoff nodded in return, and fell silent. Again, the collective attention went to Ryan, who was picking at his food, avoiding everyone’s eyes.

“Ryan?” Gavin said quietly. “Do you… Are you okay?” Ryan finally looked up, and sighed loudly.

“I’m still a little hurt, if I’m honest.”

“Why?” He looked worried, staring at nothing as he considered the possibilities. Then he gasped. “Oh, god, I swore at you, didn’t I? I’m so sorry, Ryan! I forgot!” Gavin got up and went over to Ryan, sitting in the chair next to him and hugging him tightly. Ryan laughed a little and peeled his arms away from his neck.

“Whoa, whoa, apology accepted.” He said. “You don’t have to strangle me for it.” Gavin let go quickly and sat back, looking sheepish.

“Are we okay, Ryan?”

“I guess we are.” Ryan shook his head and sighed again. “Sometimes I forget how fucking dramatic being a teenager is.” They all laughed, and Ray felt as though balance had been restored. Or at least, their group’s own semblance of balance. He pushed all thoughts of negativity to the back of his mind as Ryan was persuaded to move further down the table and Gavin sat back in his seat next to Geoff and Michael. He looked at all of them, still somewhat awkward, but mostly happy.

Yeah. This was right.

*

When he was done eating, Ray had to say goodbye to the others and head up to the library. He had two assignment deadlines before the Christmas break, and without the books he needed for research, he was stuck. So he found himself among the stacks of books, trying to remember how the hell the Dewey decimal system worked again. Were languages before or after sciences? As he craned his neck to read the spines of the books, someone cleared their throat behind him.

“Hey, Ray.” He turned to see Joel, wearing a smile. It didn’t quite reach his eyes and he looked tired. Still, Ray’s heart fluttered and he gasped.

“Oh, uh.” He swallowed hard. “Hey. What are you doing here?”

“Do you want the truthful answer or the tactful one?”

“Truthful.”

“I was avoiding you. But then you walked in and I just… decided it was fate, I guess.” He shrugged and dropped the smile. “I’ve been thinking about things.”

“In a good way? Or in an ‘I still can’t decide’ way?”

“I don’t know.” He laughed and put a hand over his eyes. “I don’t even know if I can decide.” Ray couldn’t help the softness in his gaze when he heard that laugh. He still felt hurt, but the suddenness of his arrival had him off guard. Because here he was. Not acting like nothing had happened, exactly, but avoiding the subject.

“So… What are you thinking?”

“In general, or in relation to us?”

“Both.”

“In general? I’m tired and stressed out. I’ve not seen half of my friends since Sunday because I’m a stubborn asshole. I can’t decide if I feel like I’m dying because of all the caffeine I’ve been drinking or because I’m anxious. In relation to us? I… I miss you a lot. I don’t know what to do. I can’t remember everything I said and I hope it wasn’t bad. I’m… afraid.” Ray nodded as he finished his sentence. He knew the feeling all too well. He knew all of those feelings. “What about you? What are _you_ thinking?”

“I’m thinking… that you and I need to talk. And not in the school library. Alone. Something needs to change so that we can be… if nothing else, then normal. Friends. Cause I miss you too. This week’s been hell, and I want to… to deal with things.” Joel nodded in return.

“Agreed.” He paused and looked into Ray’s eyes for a moment. “What about… if we just went somewhere? For coffee or something. And we could just sit and talk for a while, figure out what we’re feeling, what’s going on. I mean, only if you want to.” He looked away. “I just think it would be easier for us that way.”

“I’d like to do that.” Ray replied. “What about tomorrow? We can meet at the end of my street and just walk to Starbucks or something.” Joel looked up, now a little more hopeful.

“Sure. Can we say three pm?”

“Yeah.” Ray smiled as Joel breathed a sigh of relief. “Now, could you do me a favour?”

“I guess so. What?”

“Help me find some books? I can’t remember how the fuck this system works.” Joel laughed. Ray told him what books he needed, and he found them with ease, pushing them into his hands.

“Alright, now I have to go.” He finally said. “Burnie, Matt, and Gus are up here with me and I left them alone to see you.”

“Do they know about everything that happened?”

“Not… everything. But most of it, yeah. I’ve been dragging them up here instead of sitting with you guys every day.” He rubbed the back of his neck guiltily. “Sorry.”

“It’s… It’s fine. We’ll talk about everything tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah. See you later, Ray.”

“Bye.” Joel walked away without contact, and Ray wondered how long it would be before that small comfort came back again. But something had changed. As he went to the desk to check out his books, he thought about this morning. How easy it had been to talk to Gavin. And how easy this had been. The spark of hope he still held on to became a flame, albeit small. Maybe he could end this shitty week on a high note.

Maybe he could finally fix things.


	16. Chapter 16

As much as Ray wanted to sort things out with Joel, it was incredible how nervous he was for their coffee date. He didn’t know what to wear, didn’t know what he was going to say. In the end he settled for the Halo shirt Michael and Gavin had gotten for his birthday, a hoodie, and his best jeans, before setting off to meet Joel. He hadn’t bargained on the chill in the air, and by the time he reached the corner, he was shivering. Thankfully, it was less than a minute until Joel turned up, a more genuine smile on his face today.

“Hi, Ray.” He said cheerfully. “You ready to go?”

“Sure.” Ray replied, and they set off walking. “How are you?”

“Not so bad, to be honest. Better than yesterday, at least.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He brushed his hair out of his face and Ray realised how much he’d missed this, even just over the last week. Just being near him. Joel interrupted his thoughts with a question: “What about you? How are you?” Ray decided to be honest.

“I’m… kinda nervous.” Joel smiled again, sympathetic now.

“Me too. It’s alright, though. Just imagine this weekend never happened.”

“That’s what I’ve been trying _not_ to do. We have to address it sometime.”

“Okay, okay. But… let’s wait until we get there, yeah?”

“Yeah. Alright.”

It wasn’t a long walk to the nearest Starbucks, and they went inside. The flood of warmth and coffee scent was like heaven, a blissful respite from the cold afternoon. As Ray took off his glasses to clean off the condensation and struggled to read the menu, a voice rang out from behind the counter:

“Hi, guys!” They looked over, and saw Ashley standing there, waving happily.

“Oh. Hi, Ash.” Joel said, smiling. “I wondered what coffee shop it was you worked at.”

“Yeah, this is it.” She pulled a face. “I swear I’m gonna get a better job one day.”

“You the only one working today?”

“I am at the moment, it’s just a half hour while the others are on break. It’s a slow time of day. Anyway, what do you both want?”

“I’ll take a large latte.”

“Okay. Ray?”

“Uh… Large hot chocolate?”

“Sure. Won’t be long.” She set about making their drinks, and Joel glanced at Ray with a grimace. It wasn’t long before she handed them each a paper cup, still smiling. “Here you go, guys! Enjoy!”

“Thanks, Ashley.” Ray replied. “Uh, Joel, should we sit outside?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Oh, but it’s freezing out there. Wouldn’t you rather sit in?” Ashley asked.

“Oh, um… we have a few things we need to talk about, and…” Joel trailed off, but she nodded, understanding.

“I get it. But if you get too cold, you can come right back in. And, uh… I’m glad you two are getting on okay right now.” She smiled.

“Thank you. See you later.”

“Bye, guys.” They left the counter and went to the outdoor seating, choosing to sit beside one another instead of opposite. Almost immediately Ray started shivering again. His hoodie was old and thin, and did little against the cold.

“I regret this decision instantly.” He said through chattering teeth. “I thought Austin didn’t get cold.”

“Nah, Austin gets cold. It just takes it a while.” Joel watched for a moment as Ray continued to shiver, before unzipping his hoodie and taking it off. When he finally realised what he was doing, Ray protested:

“Hey, no, don’t-”

“Look, you’re freezing. The cold doesn’t bother me much; you need it more than I do.” He pushed the hoodie towards Ray, and he sighed.

“Fine. Thanks.” He slipped the hoodie on over his own. It was far too big for him; it was far too big for _Joel,_ broad shoulders and all, so Ray was basically drowning. But it was warm from his body heat, and although it didn’t stop his shivering entirely, it calmed it. Meanwhile, Joel tugged at the long sleeves of his t-shirt, pulling them down over his hands.

“So.” He said. “Where do we start?”

“At the beginning?” Ray replied.

“Where was the beginning?”

“Saturday night.” Joel sighed at the words, but mustered a smile as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I’m gonna be honest, Saturday night is mostly just a fucking blur for me. I remember… drinking a lot. I got lost in Ryan’s house for a while. And then you and I…” He trailed off.

“You told me on Sunday that you regretted it.”

“That wasn’t true.” He insisted. “There is no way that was true. I regretted the way I went about it. And the way I… took advantage of you being drunk.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, like… You wouldn’t have done it if you weren’t drunk.” Ray laughed, incredulous.

“Are you kidding me? Joel, I was hardly drunk! I was tipsy at the most. And for the record, I would still have made out with you if I was sober.”

“Really?”

“Yes! God, are you so insecure you thought I would only like you when I was drunk?” Joel didn’t reply. “You fucking did! That’s why you were so worried when I said my mom didn’t want me to drink.”

“I just didn’t know how you felt for a while.” Joel mumbled.

“Well, if it’s any consolation, I can tell you now that I fucking adored you.”

“Past tense?”

“Not… exactly.”

“So you still feel the same?” Ray took a long, deep breath.

“Yeah, I still feel the same. I mean, I’m nervous about it now. I’m scared I’m gonna fuck things up like I did last week.”

“We should talk about that too.”

“Wait. Listen. Joel, I still like you. Maybe even love you. Okay? And that doesn’t change according to how much alcohol I have in my system. Anyway, I already vowed to never drink again.” Joel laughed and nodded.

“Okay. Thank you.”

“So. Sunday.”

“Sunday. Yeah.” The smile faded from Joel’s face and he covered his eyes with his hands. “I’m so fucking sorry about that.”

“So am I.” Ray sighed. “I did what I always do. I lashed out.”

“I know. I heard about something this week-”

“With Gavin? Yeah. Same thing.”

“I still think it’s incredible that so much anger can come out of someone so sweet.”

“Well, Michael’s the same. But, you know. I’m really trying to get it under control now. And also I’m getting really good at apologies.”

“Yeah, you are.” Joel nodded. “I think on Sunday I was really just as bad as you.”

“Why?”

“Because I lied. I said I didn’t know what I felt. I knew exactly what I felt. But I’m so glad I waited because what I felt changed.” Ray’s stomach twisted. This could go really well or really badly.

“So what do you feel?”

“Now? I feel the same as you do. I love you, Ray, I really fucking do, and I’m terrible at expressing myself but I hope you understand.” He took a deep breath. “On Sunday I was sure that you and I just… just couldn’t happen. But I’ve kind of realised that even with all my stupid insecurities I really like you and I had to tell you somehow.” He half-smiled, and lowered his eyes as he blushed. Ray had to smile back.

“Well, thank fuck.” He said, breaking the tension. “I was beginning to think I was gonna lose you.”

“Don’t say it like I’m dying, Jesus.”

“Sorry. But you know what I mean. I’m just… really glad we’re on the same track.”

“So am I. But there’s still one more thing.”

“Uh… okay.”

“Remember… what I said about us hurting each other? I don’t want us to have a relationship where all we do is fight and argue about stupid things. I don’t want to be… one of those couples who break up every other week and get back together and break up again. You know? I know people always say that when you’re young you should do stuff like that because it’s a normal healthy teenage thing, but I don’t want it. And I need to know that you can give me something stable.” He looked up, an agonised expression on his face. “Because the fact is, you’re younger than me, but you’re more emotionally stable than I’ve ever been. You’re a better rock for us than I am.”

“Joel…” Ray couldn’t think of anything else to say. Instead he leant forwards in his chair and hugged Joel, pulling him close as he realised just how deep his insecurity ran. There was a long silence where they simply held each other outside the coffee shop, before words finally came to him. “Joel, after all the shit that I’ve done to people, I don’t want anything to do with conflict anymore. I don’t want to fight with you and I’ll do my best not to. And whatever happens, however emotionally stable either of us are, I’m here for you.” He leant back, away from the hug, and looked into Joel’s eyes. “Yeah?” Joel nodded, and they went back to sitting in their chairs normally, although their hands remained linked, fingers entwined together.

“So… are we...” He trailed off and sighed. “Are you my boyfriend now?”

“Yeah, totally.” Ray grinned. “We’re boyfriends.”

“That sounds so weird.” Joel laughed. “I have a boyfriend.” He squeezed Ray’s hand, and again he found himself staring into Joel’s eyes, those ridiculously brown eyes. They looked even darker in the dull light of the overcast sky. They got closer again, and this time Ray took the lead. He cradled Joel’s face with one hand, the other going to his waist as he pressed their lips together.

And it was like feeling all over again.

The alcohol at the party had numbed the both of them, and although it had been amazing, it was nothing compared to this. The way his lips tingled, the warmth of their mouths from the hot chocolate and coffee. Joel’s teeth on his lower lip again, this time so gentle it was little more than soft pressure. Hands on his waist, and a euphoria he’d never felt before. Because this was what love was. Whatever they’d said, the driving force behind their kiss at the party was lust, and an expression of the tension that had been building up for months. This was something different, and they both felt it.

As they broke apart, Joel took a shuddering breath and held on to him, keeping him close. He touched his forehead to Ray’s and closed his eyes.

“I love you.” He whispered. “I don’t care that I’m eighteen and stupid. I love you.”

“I’m sixteen and even stupider, but I love you too.” Ray replied. He moved his forehead away, instead planting a kiss on Joel’s cheek. “Here’s to being young and stupid forever.”

*

They went back inside soon after, the cold finally really getting to them. As they finished their drinks and got ready to leave, Ashley came over to see them.

“Hope you two enjoyed yourselves.” She said with a knowing wink. “Looked like you were having fun outside.”

“Ash…” Joel groaned, looking embarrassed.

“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna tell anyone. Gosh, you’ve got no trust in me.” She shook her head in mock disappointment, before smiling again. “Just wanted to say I’m happy for you.”

“Thank you.” Ray replied.

“Yeah. Thanks, Ashley.” Joel smiled. They said goodbye and made their way out. As they got out into the cold air again, Joel took Ray’s hand. They walked all the way home like that, linked together, quietly thinking about everything they’d talked about.

Ray was happy. So happy he couldn’t put it into words anymore. He had Joel back. He was still reeling from the idea of it, the idea of a stable romantic relationship with someone he’d adored since not long after they’d met. It had always seemed so far out of his reach. And yet, here it was, in his hand. He looked down at the way Joel’s fingers interlinked with his, how much bigger his hand was, how utterly and untouchably _safe_ he felt. He couldn’t bring himself to regret anything he’d done anymore, because somehow everything had led him here. To a present which seemed unbelievable.

Joel walked him to his front door, and for a moment they just stood there, not knowing what to say. For a long moment Ray wondered if they were going to kiss again, but in the end Joel settled for a long, close hug where all was silent but for their breathing. They were both still nervous, of course, something that prevented their lips from meeting again for now. But there would be another time. And another, and another. After all, that was what being young was about.

As the hug finally broke and Ray went into his house, his mom called him into the living room. He obeyed and walked in to find her smiling. She had obviously been looking out of the window.

“That was Joel, then?” She asked. Ray nodded. “How did it go?”

“It went really well. We’re gonna be dating now.” He grinned.

“Oh, yeah? Did you get him to check if that was alright with me first?” She put her hands on her hips and gave him the kind of look he usually got with reports of detentions. He floundered.

“I… No, I mean… I can ask-”

“I’m joking, Ray.” His mom laughed. He rolled his eyes at her, but smiled back. “I’m glad it went okay. And I’m glad you’re happy. You deserve to be happy.”


	17. Chapter 17

Ray exchanged texts with Joel for the rest of the weekend, much calmer than he had expected to be. For all their beginners’ nerves, things were remarkably pleasant and easy. Still, after the embarrassing conversation about safe sex he’d been forced into with his mother, anything would seem easy. He was just thankful she was accepting. Now, however, a demand was being made: she wanted to meet him. Not wanting to make Joel nervous even before they spoke face to face again, he saved the news for when they saw each other.

They had arranged to meet outside the school gates on Monday morning, the last Monday before the semester ended. It was freezing again, a light frost on the ground and mist in the air. Ray was still wearing Joel’s hoodie, which he had forgotten to give back after Saturday, something Joel was quick to point out.

“That’s my Longhorns hoodie.” He complained as Ray approached where he stood leaning on the wall.

“You can have it back if you want.” Ray replied.

“No, no. Keep it for now; I know you don’t own anything warm.”

“Thanks.” Ray stood on his toes and gave him a chaste kiss, their lips barely connecting for a moment. “So, what’s happening today?”

“You mean with us?” Joel asked, raising an eyebrow. Ray nodded. “Not sure. What do you think?”

“I think we should just act like we would if we were at home. Just tell everyone.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, why not? Most people already know that _something’s_ going on with us. They may as well know what.” Joel nodded and sighed. Ray took his hand and squeezed it.

“Hey,” He said softly, “Don’t be scared. It’s gonna be okay.”

“There’s gonna be someone-”

“Yeah, sure, there might be a homophobic asshole or two. But compare that to the number of people who are happy for us. It’s… insignificant.”

“I guess so.”

“It’s gonna be okay.” He repeated. Joel squeezed his hand in return and seemed to relax a little. It wasn’t long before the school bus pulled up and students began to pile off. Gavin, Michael, and Jack came over, Michael pausing to grin shrewdly and look them up and down.

“Hi, guys!” Gavin called, oblivious until his eyes alighted on their linked hands. He frowned and tilted his head. “Oh. Are you… I’m confused.”

“What about?” Ray asked.

“Well, you two weren’t speaking to each other on Friday and now you’re…” He waved a hand at them vaguely.

“They’re totally banging.” Michael proclaimed. Jack laughed, and Ray pushed Michael’s shoulder playfully.

“We’re together, if that’s what you mean, yeah.” He replied. “We talked a lot of things over and… here we are, I guess.”

“Yeah, we went out on Saturday and dealt with some stuff.” Joel nodded.

“I’m happy for you both.” Jack said, smiling.

“Thank you.” Joel ducked his head and smiled back. Michael was still frowning at Ray as though he was a puzzle to figure out. Something seemed to click, and he laughed to himself.

“You’re wearing each other’s clothes. Goddamn.”

“What?” Gavin looked confused, before finally getting it. “Oh! That’s Joel’s hoodie, isn’t it?” Now it was Ray’s turn to duck his head, a little flushed.

“It might be.”

“It is.” Joel confirmed, getting a loud cackle from Michael.

“Jesus Christ, I can _already_ tell you two are gonna be sappy as fuck.”

“Gonna be?” Jack said. “They already are.”

“Hey, we dealt with a bunch of shit to get this far. I think we deserve it.” Ray defended.

“I know. You do deserve it.”

“Oh, guys, the bell’s about to go.” Gavin piped up, looking at his watch. “We should head off.”

“Shit. Yeah, we should.” Michael turned to Ray. “We going to English, buddy?”

“Go on ahead, I’ll catch up.” Michael nodded, and he, Gavin, and Jack all headed to their classes. Ray looked up at Joel and smiled. “Told you so.” He said.

“Yeah, you did. I believe you now.”

“You gonna come sit with us at lunch?”

“I don’t know…”

“Joel, come on. I know you don’t have any work to do this close to the holidays. Besides, I bet the others are all free as well. Band practise isn’t on this week, and I bet the gym’s closed. Burnie and Matt at the very least will be there.” Joel nodded slowly.

“Alright, sure.” The bell rang in the distance, and they walked through the gate to the point where they parted ways for separate lessons.

“I wanna ask you something real quick.” Ray said, taking the opportunity now that time was short. “Will you come back to my place tonight and meet my mom?” Joel raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth to say something, but fell short. He tried again.

“I… I guess? Does she wanna meet me?”

“She said she does, yeah.”

“Oh, fuck. Okay. Yeah, okay.” Ray laughed at his hesitant manner and kissed his cheek.

“Okay. See you later.”

“Bye, Ray.” Joel squeezed his hand one more time and walked away, still smiling. Ray ran to his class, still riding on buoyant feelings of happiness. He was late anyway, and his teacher shouted at him, but he didn’t mind. It didn’t seem to matter.

*

That lunch, as promised, the usual crew were reunited on their table. Ray was the last to arrive, as usual, and took his seat next to Joel. It was obvious that the seniors and Ryan were clueless as to what had happened, as all five of them looked confused. Ray couldn’t help but laugh at Burnie’s double take.

“Ray, I didn’t think you were here.” He said.

“No, I’m here. How’s it going? I haven’t seen you for a while.”

“Uh, good, thanks…”

“So, are you two back on speaking terms or what?” Ryan asked, much more direct than Burnie.

“Yeah. Well, more than that, really.”

“Ray and I are dating.” Joel said smoothly, turning to grin at his boyfriend.

“See! I told you, Geoff!” Gavin shouted. Geoff frowned.

“You told me whatever you and Joel had going on was over.” He said.

“Well, I thought it was.” Ray shrugged, looking over at Joel. “I was wrong.”

“Right. Well, just as long as you know that next time you hurt him I’m gonna shank you.”

“Sure. I’ll remember that.”

“Does that work the other way around?” Joel asked.

“ _I’ll_ shank you if you hurt Ray.” Michael replied. “How’s that for a deal?”

“Sounds… great.” Joel said, shooting a look of dramatic mock-worry at Ray, making him laugh.

“So we’re all okay with this, right?” Jack said. “Cause if I hear anyone being homophobic I will break their face. Or let Michael do it.”

“Of course we’re fine with it!” Burnie exclaimed, looking offended. “I mean, shit, I made a big fucking mistake telling people about you two… y’know. But I think you make a great couple. I’m glad you fixed things.”

“Good. No breaking faces, then.”

“Hey,” Burnie turned to Ray, “I have a question for you. You might not wanna answer it, but that’s fine.”

“Okay…”

“Did you two actually… have sex in Ryan’s house?” There was a chorus of groans from around the table, and an ‘Oh god’ from Ryan.

“Uh… No.”

“We were going to.” Joel said nonchalantly. “But we were drunk and it was sort of illegal so we didn’t.”

“Thank fuck.” Ryan blurted out. “I mean, I got nothing against you having sex but I’m fairly sure you were in my dad’s room and I just don’t even want to think about that.”

“Oh, ew.” Burnie screwed his face up as Gavin and Michael laughed at the other end of the table. Ray had a sense of collective happiness at the contagious laughing fit. Joel brushed his hand against his under the table, and he leant his head against his boyfriend’s shoulder, grinning. He spent a while just watching as the others bickered and laughed together. Suddenly his eye was caught by something else, and he looked up to see Adam approaching their table. And… Oh. Blaine.

He wasn’t sure whether to be disappointed or scared or annoyed. Then again, Blaine had been perfectly civil with him for a while now, and with most people as far as he’d seen. So he let them approach, and greeted them with a smile.

“Hey, guys.” Adam grinned. “How’s it going?”

“Pretty great, honestly.” Joel replied. “What’s up? You don’t usually come over here at lunch.”

“Well, it’s about you guys.” He shrugged. “You know, we saw what happened at the party and it looks like you’re… you know.”

“Just say it, man.”

“Well, it looks like you’re together and I just wanted to say congrats, because that’s pretty cool.”

“Did Blaine come over here for the same reason?”

“Uh, yeah.” Blaine gave an awkward smile. “I, uh… just wanted to tell you I’m happy for you. I mean, it’s kind of weird, but...”

“Weird?”

“No, no, that’s not what I mean… Oh, god, how do I say this without coming across as a homophobic asshole?”

“You’re doing an okay job of that already.” Burnie muttered. Ray nudged him gently, and he feigned innocence.

“What I mean is, it’s great that you’re together. You’re happy, and that’s awesome. I just never expected you two to be the ones to get together. I mean, if anyone from your group I’d have said Michael and Gavin but let’s not go there.” There were confused shouts from the end of the table, but Blaine ignored them. “I just hope you’re both doing okay.” He finished, smiling. Ray was oddly touched by this display of friendship from someone he rarely spoke to.

“Thank you, Blaine.” He said. “It means a lot that you feel that way.”

“You’re welcome. Anyway, I’m gonna go. Nice talking to you.” He walked away from their table and back towards his usual group of friends. Adam watched him go before raising his eyebrows and shrugging.

“That was weird.” He said.

“That was _awkward_.” Burnie agreed. “At least he’s being… nice, I guess.”

“It’s pretty much down to Ray. Like, that time Ray yelled at him changed him a lot. He’s a much more decent person now. Like, I can actually stand being friends with him now.”

“It can’t have just been me. There must have been other things.”

“Well, yeah. But I think you were the catalyst. I mean, you saw what he was like. And now he’s actually trying. Yeah, he gets it wrong sometimes, but people do that. He’s still doing his best to be decent.”

“Tell him we appreciate it, will you?” Joel asked. “It might encourage him.” Adam nodded.

“Yeah. Anyway, I’m heading off. Congrats again.” He walked away in the same direction as Blaine had.

“What the hell.” Joel said flatly.

“See what I mean about being a teenager?” Ryan asked. “Everyone’s all over the place, you don’t know if they like you or not or anything. Fucking drama.”

“I think we can safely say that they at least pretend to like us.” Burnie put in. “I just wish they’d done that three months earlier so I could stop harbouring a grudge against Blaine.”

“Adam was always nice. And you could have done that anyway.”

“That’s not… Shut up.” Ryan laughed, and it spread down the table again. Ray felt the same sense of happiness and belonging again, even stronger as Joel casually wrapped an arm around his shoulder. It felt right.

*

School ended for the day, and Ray and Joel met in their usual spot by the wall. Ray was greeted with a kiss, firm and passionate. His mind went blank as he tried to speak. Joel raised an eyebrow.

“Your place?” He asked.

“My place. Right.” He nodded, and they set off walking. Ray took the opportunity as Joel wasn’t looking to send his mom a text.

**‘bringing Joel home. please don’t be embarrassing’**

_‘I’ll try.’_

That sounded ominous. He loved his mom, and wouldn’t hear a word against her, but god did she know how to make him cringe. He chatted aimlessly to Joel on the way back, trying not to think about it. As they reached the end of his street, he focused again, wondering what he was going to say. Joel noticed his thousand-yard stare and waved a hand in front of his eyes.

“You okay?” He asked, smiling.

“Yeah, fine. Just… I’m taking you to meet my mom.”

“Nervous?”

“Yeah. Are you not?”

“No, I’m nervous too.” He paused. “Is she gonna like me?”

“Well, she has all the nice stuff I’ve told her about you to go on. Anyway, she likes most people as long as they’re respectful and stuff.” Joel nodded.

“Right.”

“Come on. It should be okay.” They reached the front door, and Ray opened it to let Joel in. As he closed the door behind them, his mom stuck her head out of the living room.

“Hi, sweetie. Oh, and is this Joel?”

“Yeah.” Ray swallowed and took Joel’s hand, pulling him towards her. “Mom, meet Joel. Joel, meet my mom.”

“Hi, Ms Narvaez.”

“Hello there.” She shook his hand, the one Ray wasn’t holding, and smiled warmly. “It’s nice to finally meet you. Ray’s talked about you a lot.”

“Really?” He grinned, but Ray was looking at the ground, trying to hide his face.

“Yeah. Honestly, Joel, let me tell you a secret. When we moved here, Ray was miserable. He hated it. When I saw him start to perk up was when he started to talk about you. Now, that could be coincidence, but I don’t think so. I think you’ve made him much happier. So thank you for that.”

“Oh. Um… I mean, it’s my pleasure. He makes me happy, too.”

“That’s good. I’m pleased that you managed to deal with what happened last weekend and get together.”

“So am I.” Ray’s mom smiled a little wider and patted Joel’s arm.

“Now, I have a question for you: Do you want to stay for dinner?”

“If that’s okay, I would like that.”

“Of course it’s okay. Come on, come to the kitchen. You too, Ray, stop pretending you don’t exist. Yes, I like your boyfriend and no, I’m not going to show him the baby photos. I’m not _that_ bad.” She walked through into the kitchen, leaving Joel and Ray standing in the hallway together.

“Well, that went better than expected.” Joel said quietly.

“I am so sorry if she’s embarrassing you-”

“She’s not. She might be embarrassing _you_ , but you know. That’s her job as a parent, I think.” Ray nodded and smiled.

“Yeah. I think it’s okay. She definitely likes you.”

“Yeah. It’s okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for the dialogue-heavy nature of these latest chapters, by the way. I've been working on a film script and MAN is it throwing off the way I write prose. But hopefully it was still coherent, and I hope you enjoyed it!


	18. Chapter 18

Time seemed to pass quickly that year. Christmas came and went; winter and spring gave way to a hot humid summer. Finals season arrived, and with it a helping of stress that neither of them needed. They argued a lot at first, Ray snapping at Joel, Joel withdrawing into himself again. But after the first few exams were over, things got easier; they learnt what to expect, and calmed down. Ray’s temper cooled, and Joel began to find communicating feasible again. And after that, he was always there.

From the French exam that Ray left celebrating, to the math exam that he finished in tears, Joel was there. His exams finished earlier than Ray’s, and he would wait outside for him every day. He laughed with him when he did well and comforted him when he didn’t. Not for the first time, Ray had to wonder what had happened for him to be with someone who cared so much. That was really what kept him going. Joel, and his friends, and everyone who cared about him. Even through the stress.

Finals were over now, and finally they could relax. It was the week before prom (or ‘summer formal’ as they were calling it for the sophomores), and the two of them sat in Ray’s room. Ray was sitting on the bed using his laptop, with Joel on the floor beside him playing Halo. For a while they just sat in comfortable silence, the only interruption being Ray’s typing and Joel’s furious button-mashing. Finally, the silence was broken.

“Oh, shit.” Ray hissed under his breath. Joel turned to look up at him.

“What’s up?” He asked.

“I’m looking at prices for renting a tux. It’s gonna be at least a hundred dollars.”

“Oh, fuck. Really?” Joel paused his game and got up onto the bed to see the laptop screen. He grimaced at the price tag in the corner of the page. “You think your mom will be willing to pay it for you?”

“I don’t know. Maybe if I offer to do every chore in the house for a month.” Joel laughed, and tilted his head.

“Well, I could help, if you want. I’ve got enough to go halves-”

“No way, forget it.” Ray said firmly. “You’ve got your own prom suit to pay for.”

“Not really. I’ve already got mine.”

“Even so. I’ll sort it out myself.” Joel rolled his eyes, but wrapped an arm around Ray and planted a kiss on his temple.

“It’s just a shame we can’t go together.” He sighed. Ray nodded slowly.

“I know.” He looked despondent for a second, before looking at Joel, frowning slightly. “Wait, did we actually check that that’s true?”

“Uh… _I_ didn’t, no.”

“Right.” He opened a new tab on his browser. “I’m gonna google this shit.”

“Okay.” Joel watched as he typed ‘can same-sex couples go to prom together in the USA’. He clicked on the first link and read through a few lines of text on the page.

“Wait. We can, I think! Read that.” He pointed to the paragraph and Joel skimmed through it.

“Holy shit.” He murmured. “Yeah, it looks like we can.”

“Oh my god.” Ray threw his arms around Joel. “I just assumed the world was so shit they’d never let same-sex couples go together.”

“Well, what do you know? Not everything’s so shitty.” Ray let go of him with a grin.

“This is so great.” He turned back to the webpage and his face fell a little. “Oh. It says we should check with the school and if they say no we have to put together a petition or something.”

“That’s okay, we can do that. I mean, think about it, half the school knows we’re dating, and most of them are okay with it. It shouldn’t really be a problem.”

“I guess so.” Ray sighed. “Wow, I don’t even know what to do now. Everyone’s gonna be, like… staring at us.”

“Maybe. Are we not used to that by now?”

“A little.” Joel took Ray’s hand and lifted his chin, making him look up from the laptop.

“Ray, listen. As long as you’re with me, nothing bad’s gonna happen. I’m not going to let it. We’re gonna go to prom, we’re gonna have a good time, and we’re gonna be sappy fucks all night just like any straight couple would.” Ray smiled and squeezed his hand.

“You mean _you’re_ gonna go to prom, and I’m gonna go to ‘summer formal’ or whatever the fuck they’re calling it.”

“God, what a stupid idea. I mean, I’m glad they’re combining the sophomore dance with the senior one, because otherwise we’d be separated, but really didn’t have to give it a stupid name and pretend it never happened.”

“And the juniors as well, don’t forget them.”

“Oh yeah, I like how they shoehorned the juniors in too. You think they were a little short on funding this year?”

“Yeah.” Ray laughed and moved closer to Joel, leaning back on the wall with him and nestling into his side. “I’m gonna miss this, you know.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m gonna miss being near you all the time. You’re gonna go off to college after summer and it’s… it’s not going to be the same.”

“Oh, Ray.” Joel kissed his cheek and smiled. “I’m not gonna be far away. Did I tell you where I’m going?”

“No, you didn’t, you asshole. Where _are_ you going?”

“Can I borrow your laptop? I’ll show you.”

“Sure.” Ray handed over the laptop and let him find the website for his college. It took a moment, but Joel placed the laptop in front of them both so that they could both see the screen.

“This is it.” He gestured at the orange header of the webpage, and Ray read the banner.

“University of Texas? You’re going to UT? That’s-”

“In Austin. Yeah.”

“So you’re not going far away?”

“No. I thought for a while I was going to. For a while I was looking at a university in Scotland, a specialised performing arts one. But…” Joel sighed. “A lot of things have changed. I’ve got a lot tying me to Austin now. Anyway, UT’s as good a college as any others I’ve looked at. They have a lot of film related courses, and I’m probably gonna learn how to make them as well as be in them, you know?” He smiled again.

“So things are gonna be the same.”

“Not… exactly. I’m gonna be living on campus for the first year, just to get used to living away from home. But I still won’t be far away.”

“You’re gonna come back and visit us all, right?”

“Of course I am! How could I not?”

“Good.” Ray ran a hand through his hair. “It’s still gonna be weird without you all next year.”

“Yeah, I know. If it’s any consolation, it’s gonna be just as weird for us.” There was a long pause where Ray just stared at the wall, thinking about what Joel had said. Things were going to change a lot, but they weren’t going to be apart. Not really. Still, he was uneasy. Scared, even. Joel cleared his throat beside him and he jumped.

“So, uh… prom.”

“Yeah. Prom.” Ray replied. “I’m assuming you’ve been to junior prom, so you know what it’s like?”

“Well… I kinda know? I left early because at that point in time I couldn’t deal with that many people I didn’t know in one place.”

“Oh… right. I forgot about that.”

“I think I’ll be okay this year. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’ve gotten a whole lot better with my anxiety this year. Even with so many more people involved this year, I feel like I can cope with it.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed you getting better.” Ray nodded. “And I hope you can cope. I’d hate for you to miss out. Prom’s supposed to be, like, an important part of growing up.” Joel snorted.

“Maybe in shitty high school movies, yeah. I don’t think it’s all it’s cracked up to be, you know.”

“You say that about everything.”

“Well, I’ve lived through enough of it at this point to know that most things are really overhyped.”

“Alright, old man.” Ray pulled a face. Joel pulled one back and kissed him, stifling his laughter with his lips. He pushed him, leaning with him as he lay back on the bed. The kiss broke apart and Joel smirked down at his boyfriend underneath him.

“You want me to prove my youth and virility?” He asked, half-serious. Ray rolled his eyes.

“Not while my mom’s downstairs.” Joel nodded slowly and moved from on top of him, shifting to lie next to him instead. Ray turned to rest his head on his boyfriend’s chest and sighed as Joel’s arms wrapped around him. He felt like nothing could touch him here. His stress about finals was long gone, his worry about next year unimportant for now. For now, it was just he and Joel, alone together in his room, shielded from anything the outside world could throw at them.

“Joel?” He whispered.

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“No, I mean… I mean it. Like, we say I love you all the time, nearly every day. We don’t really think about it. But when I think about you I can’t think of anything at all that I don’t love as a part of you, even if I don’t _like_ it. You know? Like, I _love_ you. I really love you.” Joel’s arms tightened around him and he kissed his forehead. Ray was reminded of the day they had met in the library, the first real confirmation of how he felt.

“Ray, I… I’m not good with words, really. But I feel the same. And I know I’m still just a kid and I probably don’t know anything really, but… I love you. I know you’re worried about us being apart when I go to college but when I come back, when I visit, things will still be the same. We’ve got forever.” There was a short silence, and Ray nodded.

“I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a short filler chapter today, but I'm setting up for the next one, and hopefully that'll make up for it. I'm so sad that this is nearly over, but hopefully you've now realised that next chapter's going to be a prom chapter, and it's going to be sappy as hell. I hope you've enjoyed this chapter and look forward to the next one <3


	19. Chapter 19

Both Joel and Ray had been prepared for a long and difficult fight against the school for their right to go to prom together. However, Joel sent the principal a polite but clear email detailing their plans and expectations, and received a resounding ‘yes’ in return. He had called Ray immediately, so excited that Ray could hardly comprehend what he was saying, and the two had celebrated by telling their friends what was happening. After that, it just came down to last minute wardrobe plans.

Ray’s mom had agreed to pay for his tuxedo, as long as he helped her around the house more often over summer. Joel, on the other hand, had been left to his own devices with his outfit, and was nervous about showing it off. He had gone for something simple; a black one-button suit and black shirt, with a royal blue tie and pocket square. His parents had assured him that he looked wonderful, and looking in the mirror, he had been impressed with the striking contrast of the blue on black. But the confidence had worn off quickly.

Standing in the hallway of Ray’s house, Joel was as nervous as he’d been before finals. Ray’s mom was there with him, a camera in her hands as she waited to take photos. They had been talking at first, but now silence had fallen. Finally, a door creaked open on the landing, and Ray started to descend the stairs. Joel was stunned for a moment.

The tuxedo was nothing special, plain black with a shawl lapel over a white shirt. That was presumably the part that had been rented. It was the touches that had been added to it that made it perfect. The dark red bow tie, the matching cummerbund. But most of all, his eye was drawn to the rose pinned to Ray’s lapel. He remembered someone telling him that dark red roses were symbols of unconscious beauty, and thought how wonderfully appropriate that was.

Ray stepped down into the hallway and stopped next to Joel, smiling nervously.

“How do I look?” He asked.

“Incredible.” Joel murmured.

“Oh, Ray.” His mom said. “You look so grown up.” She hugged him, and he squirmed away.

“Hey, be careful. I don’t wanna get it creased or anything.”

“Alright.” She sighed. “Gosh. And you’re gonna do this twice more before you finish high school. My emotions aren’t gonna stand up to this.”

“Seriously, mom, it’s just a tuxedo.”

“I know, I know. I’m a parent, I get emotional about things like this. You’ll get it one day.”

“Sure.” Ray rolled his eyes, fiddling with the tiny silver cufflinks in his shirt sleeves.

“Okay, you two, let me get a picture. Stand in front of the stairs.” They obeyed her instructions and posed together, hands behind backs, smiling. As she was about to take another photo, Ray grabbed Joel’s hand and squeezed it, still smiling widely. His mom laughed as they relaxed after the photo was taken.

“So.” Joel said quietly. “Are you ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be, I guess.” Ray replied. He looked up into Joel’s eyes, and his smile softened. The click of the camera shutter echoed through the hallway and Ray turned to his mom with a scowl. She laughed again.

“I’m sorry, I just _had_ to take a photo of that! It was a very sweet moment.” She stepped forwards and patted Ray’s cheek. “I hope you have a good time tonight.” She turned to Joel. “You too. Especially as you’re leaving soon. I’m sure gonna miss you being here every evening.”

“Mom, we still have all summer.” Ray grumbled.

“I know.” She shook her head and sighed. “Go on, get out of here, before you make me cry. Where are you meeting the car?”

“My place.” Joel replied. “My dad’s driving.”

“Alright. See you both later.” They said their goodbyes and walked out of Ray’s front door. Ray sighed as their hands linked and they made their way down the street.

“Nearly seven months later and she’s still embarrassing.”

“Oh, give her credit, Ray. She could be so much worse. She could be like _my_ mom.”

“True.” Ray grimaced at the memory of the multiple interrogation-like conversations Joel’s mom had put him through. Not that there was any malice behind it; just overly-keen curiosity. It made him a little more thankful for his own mother, although the knowledge that she would almost certainly frame and display that candid photo she’d taken put a slight damper on it.

By the time they arrived at Joel’s house, his dad was already in the car, sitting in the driver’s seat reading a magazine. Joel tapped on the window as they walked up, and he put his magazine down. They got into the backseat and he smiled into the rear view mirror.

“Hey, guys. We all ready?” He asked.

“Think so.” Joel replied. “Is mom not seeing us off?”

“Well, she was crying last time I saw her, so perhaps not.”

“Right.” He exchanged a look with Ray. “Looks like it’s not just your mom, then.”

“I daresay there’s a lot of parents getting pretty emotional today.” Joel’s dad said as he started the engine. “After all, for them it’s part of you growing up. Getting ready to leave them.”

“You’re not emotional, though.”

“No, because I went to prom and hated every minute of it. Anyway, even if you’re leaving home next year, you’re less than twenty minutes away. And prom’s supposed to be happy for you guys, even if it wasn’t for me. Crying’s not gonna do much for you.” Joel nodded as they started to drive away from his house, and looked at Ray across the seats. He was fiddling with his cufflinks again, but when he looked up he caught Joel’s eye and smiled widely.

“You excited?” Joel asked quietly.

“Yeah. Kinda scared, but really excited.” Ray replied. Joel knew the feeling. His heart was beating way faster than usual and he had an odd feeling in the pit of his stomach that was something like the sensation of falling. Part of him was still afraid of people staring or laughing at them, but he couldn’t say for sure if that would even happen. They would just have to wait and see.

*

They arrived at the prom venue just a few moments before the doors were due to open. There were crowds of kids outside, a lot of whom seemed to be yelling. The noise was deafening. Proud parents with cameras were everywhere too, crouching in gaps in the crowd to take photos of their children. Ray saw a lot of couples, but no same-sex ones. Seeming to read his mind, Joel took his hand as they got out of the car.

“It’s alright.” He said.

“I know.” Ray replied. “Come on, let’s see if we can find anyone else.” Joel nodded and they set off through the crowd, dodging a few particularly attention-grabbing people, including one couple standing in front of a white limo and kissing passionately. They passed by and continued towards the doors, clinging to one another’s hands for fear of losing each other. Finally, a familiar face appeared in the crowd, and Michael and Lindsay waved frantically. They made their way over, and Lindsay grinned widely.

“Oh, gosh, you two look so cute!” She said excitedly.

“Thanks. So do you and Michael.” Ray replied truthfully, smiling. The two had obviously coordinated, Michael wearing a waistcoat and tie the same deep purple as Lindsay’s long dress. He flushed, but tried to shrug off the compliment.

“Well, you know. Gotta make an effort sometime, right?” Lindsay laughed and shook her head.

“Yeah, not like you’ve been planning this for months at all.” She said sarcastically.

“Have you seen any of the others around?” Joel asked.

“Gavin’s around somewhere.” Michael replied. “The last time I saw him he was with Ryan, but they disappeared somewhere. I don’t know about the others. We’ll meet up when we get inside, anyway.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Dude, you look antsy as fuck, what’s eating you?”

“I’m just nervous.” Joel shook his head. “After all, you guys have another two years of this. This is my last year. And anyway, you know how I am around crowds.” Ray squeezed his hand beside him and he looked across to see him gazing at him with big eyes. He smiled. If anything was going to keep him from losing it tonight, it was going to be Ray. Their moment was interrupted by Lindsay waving a hand in front of their eyes.

“Hey, people are going in. We should too.” She said. Joel nodded, and Ray laughed as they followed them to the doors.

“What are you giggling about?” Joel grumbled.

“You and your dumb face.”

“Well that’s just rude.”

“You know you love me.”

“Of course I do. Fortunately.” He raised an eyebrow at Ray, but he was laughing again and took no notice. “Screw you.” He muttered, unable to stop himself smiling.

“Maybe later.”

*

The whole group finally managed to meet up once everyone was inside. They gathered in a corner of the hall, at the opposite end from the speakers that were blasting out music. Gavin and Ryan were sitting in the nearby windowsill together as the others stood, clustered together. Joel was standing behind Ray with his arms draped around his shoulders and his chin resting on his head as they talked.

“Jesus, it’s fucking hot in here.” Ryan complained, tugging the buttons of his pale blue waistcoat open. “I’m gonna die before the night’s out.”

“Please don’t do that, Ryan, you’ll really put a damper on the night.” Jack replied, getting a laugh from the group.

“I’ll do my best.”

“Seriously, do these windows open?” Gavin asked. He turned and pulled at the window behind him. It didn’t move. “Apparently not.”

“I wish there was alcohol here.” Geoff griped. “I wanna get drunk.” Griffon, who was standing with them, laughed and shook her head.

“You don’t need to get drunk.” She said. “And before you say something about spiking the punch, no.”

“Aw.”

“No, I’m pretty glad there’s no alcohol.” Ray said. Joel laughed.

“Me too. Leads to bad things.” As he spoke, the loud song that had been playing ended, to be replaced with a softer, slower song. Ray looked over at the dance floor, watching the couples flocking over to dance. He turned and looked up at Joel.

“Do you wanna dance?” He asked. Michael and Lindsay passed by, followed by Burnie and Ashley, then Geoff and Griffon. “Please?” A look of uncertainty passed over Joel’s face, before he nodded slowly.

“Sure.” They made their way to the dance floor, and Ray took Joel’s hand, resting the other hand on his waist. Joel copied the motion.

“Ready?” Ray asked.

“No. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Me neither. Just go with it. Do what everyone else is doing.” They started to dance, stepping in an awkward square to the beat of the music. For a while both looked down, watching their feet. Ray looked up at the same moment as Joel. Their eyes met, and Joel burst out laughing. Ray smiled with him.

“This is so dumb.” Joel laughed.

“Yeah, it is.” He paused. “You know what, fuck it.” He pulled Joel to a stop and wrapped both arms around his waist, making him stumble a little.

“Whoa, okay.” He copied the gesture, bringing them close together. Ray’s head rested on his chest, letting him hear his heartbeat, his breathing. They stopped moving around the dance floor then, just stood together, swaying gently. A boy dancing past with his date frowned in their direction, looking disgusted. Ray flipped him off, and he turned away, but he could hear Joel’s breathing hitch through his shirt.

“You alright?” He whispered. Joel didn’t reply, just pulled a face. They kept dancing, but after that he was tense, looking around like he was expecting the boy to come by again. Ray tried to comfort him a little, stroking his back lightly, but he didn’t speak again until the song ended and the other couples started to disperse.

“Can we go outside? I need a breather.” He said. Ray nodded, and they headed for the French doors that led to a large deck area outside. By now it was almost totally dark, and the clear night let stars gleam. Joel walked over to the far side and leant over the railing, hanging his head. Ray stood back, trying to give him space.

“Are you alright?” He asked, then squeezed his eyes shut for a second. “Stupid question. Do you need anything?”

“No. Just give me a minute.” His breathing was shallow. Over time, it began to slow, and Ray realised he was doing breathing exercises, something he’d told Ray about many times. He’d never actually seen him have to use them before. Eventually, he opened his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. “Shit. I’m really sorry.” He said quietly. “I didn’t… that was an overreaction.”

“No, no, don’t be sorry.” Ray replied, hurrying over to him now that he’d calmed down. “It isn’t your fault.”

“Still, I… I’ve been doing so well lately, and I feel like I just took a huge step backwards.”

“No way. You’re doing amazing. I mean, when I first met you, you struggled in a room with two people you didn’t know. Now look at you. There’s what, six hundred people here? And you’ve been fine up until now.”

“It was just that asshole-”

“I know. And if I see him again, I’ll kick his ass.” He held Joel’s gaze for a long moment. “Don’t feel bad for being anxious. I know you were worried about people doing shit like that to us, and… you’ve got every right to be. But it’s like you said to me. Nothing bad’s gonna happen, cause I’m not gonna let it.” Joel nodded, standing up straight again, and wrapped his arms around Ray again, holding him close.

“Thank you.” He whispered.

Someone wolf-whistled from the doorway, and they broke apart, Ray scowling in expectance of a stranger. Instead, he saw Geoff and Ryan standing there, smiling.

“You guys alright?” Geoff asked. “Saw the dickhead giving you a funny look. Joel, you hanging in there okay?”

“Yeah, I’m… I’m fine.” Joel nodded. “Just had to take a breather, y’know.”

“Yeah, I know. Lot of people here.” He walked over to them, followed by Ryan, who now had his waistcoat completely off, slung over his shoulder in one hand. He grinned as he approached.

“You looked pretty adorable out there on the dance floor.” He quirked an eyebrow and Ray sighed.

“You don’t have to keep talking like it’s some kind of secret, you know. It’s been nearly seven months.”

“But it’s more fun this way.”

“Hi, guys!” Gavin’s voice came from the doorway and he approached the four of them, followed by Michael, Jack, Burnie, Matt, and Gus. “We saw you were out here and we wanted to come make sure you’re alright.” Joel smiled graciously at them all.

“Yeah, I’m fine now.”

“Can we stay out here, though? It’s bloody boiling in there.” Gavin loosened his tie and undid his top button.

“I gotta admit, I was fucking dying in there. They need some AC.” Burnie fanned himself with his hand.

“Hey, I just realised something.” Jack said hesitantly. “This is the last time we’re all gonna be together until September.”

“No way, what?” Ryan exclaimed.

“Yeah. I’m going on vacation with my parents next week, and then it’s just a steady stream of people going away all summer.”

“We won’t even all be together _after_ summer.” Gavin said sadly. “I’m going home next week.”

“My house isn’t gonna be the same without my dumb little British buddy living there.” Michael replied.

“I’m gonna miss everyone so much.”

“Everything’s gonna change next year, isn’t it?” Ray’s voice trembled a little, and he cleared his throat before he continued. “What with some of us choosing electives. And some going to college.”

“Well, we’re not all gonna be far away.” Joel said. “Gus is the odd one out going to another state. Burnie, Matt, and I are all going to UT.”

“What, _all_ of you? You didn’t tell me that!”

“I know. Sorry about that.”

“You fucker.” He sighed. “It’s still gonna be weird not having you in school.”

“Well, at least Geoff’s still stuck with you guys.”

“Nuh-uh.” Geoff shook his head. “I was gonna wait and tell you guys tomorrow, but… My mom’s sending me to another school next year.”

“Seriously?” Jack asked. His eyes were wide and desperate. “No, that’s… why?”

“She thinks this place is ‘inhibiting my learning’ or some shit. And I mean, I fucking hate school, but at least you guys make it bearable. She’s moving us to Dallas. It’s gonna be a fucking nightmare.”

“Fuck.” Michael sighed. “Next year’s gonna be lonely as hell.”

“We’re gonna be a four man band.” Ryan said. “Just you, me, Jack, and Ray.” Silence fell for a moment, broken only by the music still playing loudly inside the hall.

“We’re all gonna stay in touch, though. Right?” Gavin said firmly. “We all have each other’s numbers and Facebook and stuff. It’s not like we’re never gonna speak again, that’d be stupid.”

“Well, yeah.” Michael eventually agreed.

“Right. So, we should make a promise. That we’re gonna stay in touch forever, and one day, we’ll all meet up again.” He extended a hand in the middle of the group and made a fist.

“I second that.” Michael put his fist next to Gavin’s. Ryan was next, then Ray, then Joel, and then everyone else. Ten hands, together in the centre of a circle. Ray looked down at them, the arms clad in shirts and suits and tuxedos, and felt a rush of affection for his friends. This year had been an adventure, and these people had been his companions all the way. They meant everything to him. Gavin raised his fist into the air, and they all followed his lead. Before he had chance to let his hand drop, Joel had grabbed it, and left their fingers entwined as they finally lowered their arms. Ray made his promise tenfold in his head. To stay in touch. To meet again.

*

As they went back inside, Joel laughed at the song just starting to play. Ray looked up at him.

“What’s funny?” He asked.

“This fucking song. I haven’t heard it in years.” Joel replied. “It’s like middle school all over again.”

“What is it?”

“It’s called Basement Royalty, I think.”

**_What little remains? Three years I have changed.  
How boring would life be if we all stayed the same?_ **

“The fuck does that mean?”

“I think it’s, like…” He pulled a face as he thought about it. “It’s like, you have your own little world, you know, like a teenager living in their parents’ basement. And it doesn’t matter that much to everyone else, but it’s _yours_. And you can do what you want with it and bring who you want there and it’s yours. You don’t _need_ anyone else to care.”

**_Hail to the Kings and the Queens of Basement Royalty!_ **

“That sounds… like us, honestly.”

“Yeah, it does.”

“I mean, really. A couple of teenagers in love with their own little world. All our friends, and everything we care about.”

“You see why I loved this song so much in middle school? It felt like it was mine.”

“Well, do you mind sharing?”

“No, I don’t mind.” Joel smiled widely. “If we’re gonna have a song, it seems appropriate.” Ray grinned and pulled on Joel’s lapels gently, bringing him down to his height.

“I love you.” He said, and kissed him, pouring all the passion and energy he felt into it. Joel reciprocated, stroking his hair and smiling into the embrace. As they broke apart, he whispered:

“I love you, too, Ray.”

**_Can I please fill your heart with last summer’s breakdown  
and this winter’s jump-start?_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to say, writing this fic has been one hell of an adventure. It's definitely improved my writing to some degree and I really hope it's entertained and inspired at least someone out there reading this. Feedback is still very much appreciated, and your readership is so important to me, so thank you so much for reading this far. I hope you've enjoyed my silly little summer idea that went too far <3


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